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| Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Well we've come to an end of another year. I'd just like to thank all of my daily readers for all of your love and encouragement throughout 2008. Maintaining a blog that aims to speak to an audience that is often overlooked and underrepresented in the mainstream media is no small task. I appreciate you telling me when I got things right and even when I got some things wrong.

As I continue to grow as a writer and activist I hope that you will stick around and become active participants in my journey. In 2008 I saw a glimpse of the person I could ultimately become as well as the far reaching effects of this blog. I promise to take it to the next level in 2009(*subtle cue to the haters to get ready*).

Take a look in the rearview mirror with me and revisit some of the most popular, controversial, and most linked posts from Living Out Loud with Darian in 2008 below.

I will be taking the rest of the week off to enjoy the holiday with Trey. Have a safe and prosperous New Year until we meet again on Monday!

2008 Year In Review:

Bishop Alfred Owens: Some People Never Change

The DL Chronicles Event

Get Back Up Again

Defending B. Scott & Black Gay Men

DeWayne Woods: Smoke & Mirrors?

Kenny Greene: Young, Gifted, Black, & Gone

Why Black Gays & Marriage Is Not An Oxymoron

Are We Our Own Worst Enemy?

NY Times Writer Catches Heat For Excluding Black Gay Couples From Article

Hiding In Hip Hop: The Terrance Dean Interview

Bobby Blake On 'Effeminate Men'

An Open Letter To J.L. King

Brothers Loving Brothers: A Sexy Evening Of Brotherhood,Testing,& Fun

Demarco Majors & The LOGO Debut of 'Shirts and Skins'

Right To Marry Arizona

A Chat with Maurice Jamal & The Cast of Friends & Lovers

Noah's Arc:Jumping The Broom:Movie Review

Fight The H8

Say What?

Remembering Sylvester On World Aids Day

The Ex-Gay Movement in Blackface

Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired

Atlanta Black LGBT Coalition Calls for Warren MLK Invitation To Be Rescinded

Are you tired of failed relationships? Tired of being lonely? Have you bought into the lie that same gender relationships between men of color don't last? Are you determined to enter into a meaningful relationship in 2009? If you answered yes to any of those questions then you might want to pick up "Grand Prize, Lookin For A Winner!" by Atlanta author Cleon T. Day III.

Day, a self-proclaimed dating expert has written a practical dating & relationship guide specifically for gay men of color. The book is filled with helpful common sense techniques that you'd think most couples would apply in order to maintain a healthy relationship, but it's these important techniques that often go unused that ultimately leads to the end of potentially successful relationships.

With chapters delving into dating etiquette,long distance relationships, chemistry, compatibility, red flags, monogamy, and Polisivity- a term coined by Day himself to describe a different take on monogamy between a group of brothas committed to one another exclusively. Yeah you read right...a group!:)

Grand Prize, Lookin For A Winner may be just the guide you need to jump start your dating experience in 2009.

You can purchase a copy on the official website here.

And if you're in Atlanta on Valentine's Day you can meet the author and possibly your future mate at the event below.

CTD III ENTERPRISES, LLC presents "Will You Be Mine This Time Grand Prize Parti!" The first annual official Grand Prize Party as written in Grand Prize Lookin' For A Winner a Dating/Relationship Guide for Gay Men of Color. This event is strictly for single Gay brothas who are interested in meeting other single Same-gender Loving brothas who are relationship-oriented. You must be at least 18 years of age.

Grand Prize Lookin' For A Winner a Dating/Relationship Guide for Gay Men of Color will be on sale at the event.

Fee: $15.00

Your ticket price includes:


Complimentary drinks & hor'dourves

Karaoke Contest with a Black twist

Free T-flirtery

Entries for door prizes.

Participant in adult games

An opportunity to meet men of substance without fear of rejection*

*Of course you have to determine a man's integrity.

"You might not want to be in a clique to be approachable"

Contact Cleon T. Day via his website for additional info.

| Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Meet JD from The Real World Brooklyn

The Real World is returning to MTV for it's 21st season and the seven strangers have been picked to live in a house in Brooklyn. It looks like the producers are going back to the original formula when they relied on interesting people to sell the show versus countless hot tub sessions. This year the cast includes a 22 year old dolphin trainer named JD who also happens to be a latino and openly gay, along with a transgender roommate named Katelynn.

The show premieres on January 7th at 10 PM. Watch the trailer here.

Gay and bisexual black men lag behind others in prostate cancer screening

Among all racial and ethnic groups and regardless of sexual orientation, African American men are least likely to get tested for prostate cancer. Prostate-specific antigen tests among gay and bisexual African American men were done 12% to 14% less than among heterosexual African Americans and 15% to 28% less than gay and bisexual white men. This is especially important considering African American men have significantly higher prostate cancer rates than white men.

Herndon Davis: Why Blacks Should Support Gay Marriage

Columnist Herndon Davis gives 5 reasons why blacks should support gay marriage in an op-ed for BET News.com. Click on the above link to read the piece in it's entirety.

Ethiopia wants to teach gays a lesson

Religious leaders, representing various denominations in Ethiopia gathered Monday in the country’s capital of Addis Ababa to urge the country’s lawmakers to constitutionally ban being gay.Almost a dozen clerics said outlawing being gay simply wasn’t enough. Current Ethiopian law forbids gay sex and prescribes a six month jail sentence as punishment, but the constitution never mentions the issue.

Defending their case, the religious leaders said being gay is “the pinnacle of immorality” and stated gays were responsible for an increase in sexual attacks on boys and young men.

Study: Tolerance Can Lower Gay Kids' Suicide Risk

Gay, lesbian and bisexual teens and young adults have one of the highest rates of suicide attempts — and some other health and mental health problems, including substance abuse. A new study suggests that parental acceptance, and even neutrality, with regard to a child's sexual orientation could have a big impact in reducing this rate.

Protest: Defense of Marriage Act/Join The Impact

NY Times Op-Ed: You're Likable Enough, Gay People
by Frank Rich

This is a must read! I highly recommend that you take five minutes out of your day to get into this masterfully crafted piece by columnist Frank Rich.

RuPaul: Doing Double Duty -- With The Obamas

I'm sure many of you have seen this amazing photo of the legendary RuPaul as Barack and Michelle Obama since it's been floating around the net for a couple of weeks. RuPaul is so fierce in this photo I couldn't resist posting it. So who rocked the dress better, Michelle or Ru?:) Be sure to check out RuPaul in his new drag competition appropriately titled Drag Race on Logo in February.

9 comments | Monday, December 29, 2008

The founding members of the newly formed Atlanta Black LGBT Organization is calling on Ebenezer Baptist Church and the King Center to rescind their invitation to controversial evangelical pastor Rick Warren. Warren is scheduled to deliver the keynote speech at the annual Martin Luther King Jr. holiday observance in Atlanta on January 19.

In a press release sent to loldarian.com by founding Atlanta Black LGBT Coalition member and veteran activist Craig Washington, the group states- "Rev Warren's hateful opposition to civil rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and reproductive rights for women, and his intolerance of diversity contradict the values of freedom and equality that this day represents. Bestowing Rev. Warren such a prominent role does not foster greater understanding between divided communities. Instead it drives more wedges between disenfranchised communities that are continually pitted against each other by the agents of racism and homophobia. In effect it enables oppression and implies that there are still some peole acceptable to hate".

The controversy surrounding President-Elect Barack Obama's choice to invite Warren to deliver the invocation at his Presidential Inauguration still has many in the gay community as well as numerous ardent Obama supporters seeing red. It's baffling to many that a candidate who promised to "bridge the divide" and unite the country after 8 years of clear division would choose to give a national platform to such a divisive figure who has compared gay relationships to "incest and pedophilia".

According to an interview given to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, King Center spokesperson Isaac Farris said Warren was invited to speak last May long before the Obama Inauguration controversy erupted. The center chose him in part because of his getting evangelicals working to solve social problems such as poverty, he said.

The King family members are divided over gay rights. Coretta Scott King, King’s wife, advocated for equal rights for gay men and lesbians before her death in 2006. The Kings’ youngest child, Bernice King, in 2004 led an Atlanta march calling for a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. It's also important to remember Dr. King's close relationship with Bayard Rustin, an openly gay black man who organized the March on Washington where King gave his famous I Have A Dream Speech.

The Atlanta Black LGBT Coalition are encouraging Reverend Warnock, pastor of Ebenezer Baptist Church and The King Center "to correct this dangerous mistake while there is still time".

It's never convenient when your power adapter blows out or you're in a city where there is no Apple Store for miles. Shout out to my readers in Little Rock. Can you guys work on that?:)

I'm working a small miracle and updates should resume around 5PM EST or so.

Stay tuned.

3 comments | Sunday, December 28, 2008

from On Top Magazine

By Carlos Santoscoy

Cleveland's newly passed gay domestic partner registry is being challenged by a group of religious leaders who say they will ask voters to decide the issue, reports gay bi-weekly The Gay People's Chronicle.

Before city leaders approved the registry at a Monday December 8 session, members of United Pastors in Mission, a group of mostly black ministers, were hard at work courting key lawmakers to vote against the non-binding measure. Councilman Kevin Conwell said that he received “more than 70 calls [against it] over the weekend.”

All of the seven lawmakers who voted against the measure were black. Ward 1 councilman Terrell Pruitt admitted he was pressured to vote against the registry: “I couldn't risk having the ministers, who don't have all the facts, on the pulpits preaching against me on Sunday.”

Cleveland's domestic partner registry allows gay and straight couples to seek recognition of their union from the city. Ohio passed one of the toughest gay marriage bans in the country four years ago. To ensure that the registry does not run afoul of the state's prohibition it lacks any force of law and guarantees no protections whatsoever. Any benefits given to couples would be strictly voluntary.

Sue Doerfer, executive director of the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Community Center of Greater Cleveland, told Cleveland's Plain Dealer that a registry gives gay and lesbian couples a sense of legitimacy when seeking out rights and benefits from an employer or agency.

Some gay activists believe registries can be used as a powerful educational tool.
“It is possible that domestic partnerships, civil unions and other recognition can be used to educate voters about the rights and benefits that have been stripped away from so many people because of those amendments,” Steve Ralls, director of communications for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), told On Top Magazine.
Despite its limited use, opponents of the registry say they cannot abide by it.

Headed by president Rev. C. Jay Matthews of the Mount Sinai Baptist Church and director Rev. Marvin McMickle of Antioch Baptist Church, the group has announced they would seek to nullify the registry at the ballot box.

The group has 40 days to organize a referendum that would stop the registry from taking effect. It requires 10,228 signatures (10% of voters) and would trigger a special election that would decide its fate.

A less restrictive option would allow the registry to take effect, but is not subject to the 40-day rule and only requires 5,000 signatures.
Matthews said the group would press ahead with plans to nullify the registry, but did not elaborate on their plans.

Note: Loldarian.com will be updating this story throughout the week. Stay tuned.

4 comments | Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I just wanted take a second and wish all of you a Merry Christmas! If you're traveling home to be with family please be safe in the air or on the road. And if you happen to be going through Chicago O'Hare International Airport I'm praying that you pack lots of extra patience and a few good books:)

Enjoy my special Xmas gift to you above in this hilarious video by the male dancers from the NYC Rockettes Christmas Spectacular.

Just when you thought my blog couldn't get any gayer:) Merry Christmas!

“Too many of us are still in the closet and not really sharing our story," said Connecticut’s Bartlett, the nation’s only openly gay state representative. "Being a minority is hard enough. We rationalize that it’s easier to stay in the closet and survive." - Jason Bartlett

Thanks Ray

13 comments | Monday, December 22, 2008

There comes a point when a person gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. When fighting for the same amount of respect, recognition, and access to equal protection under the law should not be a battle but a given.

When you can no longer deny the hostility directed at you from a group of people who look like you but are the first to disown you. Yet for the sake of "belonging" you continue to endure the torture hoping by some state of osmosis things will change.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of having to explain your right to exist on this earth as you are.

When you grow weary of having to lie so much you have to learn how to tell the truth. When your body won't allow you to simply sit half of you at the table while leaving the rest of you behind in order to make everybody else at the table comfortable.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of having to refute the lies and stereotypes placed on you by the world regarding how you live, love, walk, talk, think, work, play, and pray.

When explaining for the thousandth time that an overbearing mother, absent father, or childhood molestation was not the reason you turned out "that way", as if who you are had to be born out of some devastating experience.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of hoping that religion will catch up with science and when the word abomination is mentioned in a sentence it won't be directed at you. Or when you hear the word spoken again you won't buy into the lie that it defines you.

When your happiness doesn't require the approval of family, society, or an ancient book that was once a source of hope for so many, but has now been turned into a weapon more dangerous than anything requiring a bullet.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of your rights being put up for the popular vote and you get so angry that all you know to do is take to the streets by the thousands.

When you get sick and tired of explaining that a dog or a goat can't sign a marriage license but another human being can.

When "water and doughnuts" simply aren't enough unless they come with the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell, The Employment Non-Discrimination Act, hate crime laws in all 50 states, additional funding for HIV/AIDS research, full marriage rights, and an end to religious bigotry and homophobia.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of being marginalized and the second class citizenship you've become accustomed to is no longer sufficient.

When you expect your leaders to carry through with campaign promises to make this country a place where all men and women truly are equal regardless of race, class, sexual orientation, or gender identity instead of the same old empty rhetoric.

Yes there comes a point when you've had about all you can take and your body and mind becomes numb and you can't feel anything.

Watch keith boykin-millenium march for equality-april 30 2000.mp4 in Activism Videos  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

The Millennium March on Washington for Equality took place on April 30, 2000. The purpose of the march was to energize and galvanize the LGBT community and it's allies to work for equality at all levels, strengthen the overall movement for equal rights and empower and inspire voters for the 2000 elections.

Keith Boykin, a retired black gay activist and current editor of The Daily Voice delivered one of the most powerful and inspiring speeches of his career titled "I Speak".

I was solely focused on my career as a dancer performing overseas during early 2000 and was unwilling to embrace the activist I knew I would one day become. Yet I can remember the reverberating effect Keith's words had on me as far away as Greece.

I had a chance to watch him deliver this speech for the first time last week when I received the footage via e-mail and I wanted to share it with those of you who may not have seen it or would like to relive the moment again.

Thanks Keith for your voice and thanks to my friend Jeff for the footage.


I realize I may be a little late nominating the sexy and talented Columbus Short for my Monday morning prize since he started delivering the hotnesss shortly after his first film Stomp The Yard debuted at #1 at the box office.

Short can currently be seen as Little Walter in the new film Cadillac Records also starring Jeffrey Wright, Gabrielle Union, Adrien Brody, Mos Def,Cedric The Entertainer, and Beyonce Knowles.

Short delivers a powerful performance as Little Walter, the talented harmonica player and troubled alcoholic. While the film has it's flaws, it's worth seeing Short's star making performance.

We go way back during our days as dancers in Los Angeles, before he was working alongside Beyonce as an actor he was killing choreography next to this pop princess.

Lookout for three new films from Short in the new year, The Trunk, Armored and Whiteout with Channing Tatum.

Just wanted to give everyone a heads up that posting will be light this week and most likely throughout the rest of the month due to the holidays and the move into our new house. If you think the holidays are stressful add moving on top of it and a partner who is geeked about decorating the place in a day:)

| Thursday, December 18, 2008

I'm out of the country right now and it's become impossible to update the site on my regular schedule. And since I believe in quality over quantity regular posting will resume on Monday.

Looking forward to writing from the comfort of my home office and out of the below freezing weather in Quebec City.

Be safe!

2 comments | Tuesday, December 16, 2008

There is an underground movement of openly gay hip-hop artists around the country, they're not in heavy rotation on your local urban radio station and you may not find their music for download on the countless music and entertainment blogs across the web, nevertheless they do exist. One man who is at the forefront of this movement is Mr. Tori Fixx.

Coined the "godfather of gay hip-hop" by his peers and fans, Tori has been a leader and innovator in the genre of gay hip-hop or "homo-hop" as it is sometimes called.

Hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota, Fixx is considered to be one of the first fearless individuals to open up about his sexuality through his music and that alone is no small feat.

In an industry that rewards hip-hop artists for manufacturing hyper-masculine and hyper-sexual personas, Fixx has proven that their is room for an openly gay artist to break through the ranks and has mentored a slew of top notch talent who view their LGBT identities as an asset to their art and not a curse.

Fixx has released over 7 albums in his career and has been profiled in The Advocate and Out Magazine. He's also appeared on the Tyra Banks Show and CNN's Paula Zahn Now.

His latest album "Couture", released last month is a concept album broken up into four sections beginning with a series of painful songs that deal with "The Break Up". Those bitter tracks are followed by the 'Single and Numb" section, which takes listeners on a hedonistic journey through gay dating, including the challenges of avoiding HIV/AIDS. The "Work-a-holic" section is where Fixx goes to battle with the hip-hop industry, followed by a final uplifting section known as "Healing", according to a recent interview with SOVO's Ryan Lee.

Yesterday I had an opportunity to chat with Fixx about his new album, being an openly gay hip-hop artist, his coming out experience, and his thoughts on being the "godfather of gay hip-hop".

I highly recommend that you check out the interview below as well as a few cuts from Tori's new album Couture.

Tori Fixx Interview - Tori Fixx


Tori Fixx "Couture (CR-2)" Album Release Party from Last Offence on Vimeo.

3 comments | Monday, December 15, 2008

I know I'm not the only person that thinks LOGO could use some serious improvement when it comes to diversity on their network. After the "cancellation" of Noah's Arc many in the black gay community either decided to watch the LGBT network less or simply cancelled their subscription since their was no remaining programming that spoke to the black gay experience.

Since the end of Noah's Arc there has been only one series with a primarily African-American cast- Shirts and Skins, but even this show failed to have the impact of it's predecessor.

But for those of you who are looking for quality entertainment that captures our experience you definitely should check out the following short films online on LOGO's The Click List.

Click on the title of each film to watch it in full.

Brooklyn's Bridge to Jordan

After losing her life partner in a car accident, a woman with a buried secret must not only fight to keep the couples' estranged teenage son from her partner's intolerant brother, but also rebuild her and her son's troubled relationship.

Portrait of A Couple

On the eve of moving from New York to Spain with his lover, Type-A personality Ryan hears from an ex-lover who is now HIV-positive.

Sarang Song

A couple's love is tested when one is thrust into the student protest movement and is forced to make a choice -- will she choose her love, or will she choose the movement?


When Pastor Biggs is informed by a familiar but unannounced visitor that he must visit his son after Sunday service, a casual visit proves to be revelatory...

Triple Minority

A gay black woman wants to reconcile her relationship with her religious parents without compromising her identity.


This morning as you're walking out of the door with your morning coffee or surfing the web at work (to stay awake) go ahead and add the beautiful men of The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater to your energy booster.

These beautiful technicians definitely bring the hotness whether their scantily clad onstage or in full dance attire in class.

The company was founded by the late Alvin Ailey in 1958 at the 92nd Street YMCA in New York and has since grown to be one of the largest and most prestigious dance companies in the world. Over 21 million people have seen his signature piece "Revelations" which is based on his experiences growing up as an African-American man in the south.

The Alvin Ailey Dance Theater is celebrating their 50th Season currently at City Center in New York City December 3- January 4.

Check out what makes the men of Ailey so hot and the company so dynamic in the clip below from The Baptismal section set to the old negro spiritual Wade in The Water from Revelations.

Photo Credit: Andrew Eccles


Our favorite religious homophobe Bishop Harry Jackson took to the airwaves on the Christian Broadcasting Network to voice his outrage over the controversial Newsweek cover story- The Religious Case for Gay Marriage by Lisa Miller.

If you haven't read Lisa's article then I highly recommend that you set aside about ten minutes out of your day to do so. She makes a sound argument for gay marriage using scripture that show support for gay unions much in the same way our opposition has used scripture to oppress us. While I'm not sure if any minds will be changed regarding individual interpretation of the bible it sure does reinforce the notion that their is a scripture that can be used to support any argument. Get into it here.

Jackson's usual propaganda is on full display in this interview paired with his new call for black ministers to be at the forefront of the anti-gay/anti same-sex marriage movement. This is not surprising coming from a man who was named one of the "20 Most Frightful Anti-Gay Activists" by Queerty.

After you've recovered from Jackson's interview go ahead and watch the other side of the argument from Newsweek writer Lisa Miller here.

You can send her a note of thanks for her brilliant article here.

| Friday, December 12, 2008

If you're looking for a good book to read over the weekend or perhaps a stocking stuffer let me suggest Crisis: 40 Stories Revealing The Personal, Social, and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing Up Gay in America.

I know the title doesn't come across as the perfect warm and fuzzy holiday book, but neither is the reality for many gay and lesbian young people in America.

What is it like to be called an abomination by your religious leaders? To live in fear losing your family's love? To be afraid to go to school because of the torment that awaits you? To lie to everyone whom you love?

Crisis editor Mitchell Gold and Mindy Drucker asked forty gay Americans to share their very personal answers to these difficult questions. Well known LGBT figures such as Billy Bean(Professional athlete), Rev. Gene Robinson(first openly gay elected Episcopal Bishop), Ari Gold(openly gay singer), and Nate Berkus(Interior Designer )contribute to the stories of rejection, acceptance, and triumph.

Crisis also includes the coming of age and coming out stories of four prominent gay and lesbians of color; professional athlete John Amaechi, theologian and writer Rev. Irene Monroe, actor Alec Mapa, and Executive Director of The National Black Justice Coalition H. Alexander Robinson.

Below are excerpts from their stories within Crisis:

John Amaechi

"People say professional sports are particularly homophobic. But it's an excuse for a society with a horrible blemish to assign blame to one segment that's both small and notorious for being stupid. Sports does not inform society. Society informs sports. Athletes live up to the expectations we have of them.

In this country, images of gay people have been limited for so long. And while I do not for a second think that Jack from Will & Grace is not a legitimate gay role model, if people only think of Jack, that's damaging. In 2007, I was speaking to a group of people in New York, and a woman came up to me afterwards and said, "Thank you for doing this because before I met you I didn't realize black people could be gay". Now that's a tragedy."

Rev. Irene Monroe

"In this era of dominance by the Christian Right, I try to inform the public of the role religion plays in discrimination against gay people. And because homophobia, like other prejudices, is a hatred of the "other", and usually acted upon in the name of religion, my writing allows me to highlight how intolerance and fundamentalism not only hurt the gay community but also perpetuate other forms of oppression such as racism, sexism, classism, and anti-Semitism. And in the process, prejudice and intolerance in the name of religion also shatter the goals of American democracy: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for every citizen."

H. Alexander Robinson

"When my parents found out, my mother began wailing and fell to the ground. My father said, "Look what you've done to your mother. She's going to have a heart attack and die." It would almost have been funny if it hadn't been so grim.

My mom kept asking, "How could you do this to me?" Finally, I said, "This is not about you." My biggest fear of losing my mother-had been faced. From that moment on I was out to everybody.

All my years of lying have taken their toll. There's the outside world and people's perception of who I am, and then there's who I know I am.

To stand up and come out and talk openly about being gay-first to my parents, and then to others-was a big deal. For me, it was not just about sexual orientation-it was totally new to reveal anything about what was going on in my head. Living that way is very lonely. But that's what the closet does."

Alec Mapa

"The only way I have survived as a gay man is by embracing everything I was taught to hate about myself. It takes enormous strength to be vulnerable and open in a world that rewards toughness and cruelty.

In this age of conformity, I wonder how many of today's gay youth feel safe to be exactly who they are. Are they being respected? Celebrated? Encouraged to be their genuine selves? Would it even be safe for them to do so? In a perfect world the answer would be yes. Wouldn't that be the most wonderful world you could ever hear?

Order your copy of Crisis here.

Many thanks to TJ Dietderich of Planned Television Arts