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14 comments | Monday, September 08, 2008




"You don't have to twist and turn and do all of this and that. Be who you are-that's your business. But when you put your business out there don't get upset when they holler at you, hey punk, hey fag"!-Bobby Blake


This post is for all of my fem brothers who have written and asked me to speak about the harassment and ridicule they face for being who they are.


As I sat and listened to adult film star Bobby Blake over Pride weekend discuss one of the aspects of gay culture that he absolutely deplored as he promoted his new book 'My Life In Porn', I couldn't help but look at him sideways and roll my eyes and I'll tell you why.


It's not easy being black and gay in America, but the load does seem a little lighter when you're hovering over six feet with a presence that would intimidate the average person. Unlike many effeminate black gay men who are easily 'clockable,' if one was not aware of Blake's past involvement in the gay porn industry they would probably assume he were straight. After all he has become famous for his sexual prowess and his ability to dominate the very men he looks down upon.


But the problem I have with his views on effeminate gay men reaches beyond Bobby Blake the "actor" and into the broader community where I believe we all suffer from the same twisted self-hate.


Our community is comprised of all different shades of gay and somewhere along the way the social constructs of masculinity along with the influence of hip-hop in gay culture has ostracized the 'fem queen'.


You remember him don't you? The one who couldn't hide his sexuality behind a do-rag, wife beater, and a pair of Timbs. The one who bore the brunt of anti-gay harassment because there was just a little too much sugar in his kool-aid. The one that realized that "straight acting" was just that-acting and at the end of the day he was still gay.


Let's face it there are some brothers who couldn't butch it up if they tried. So why have these men become an embarrassment to our community? Sure, I believe there is a time and a place for everything, but there is never in my book a time to conform to heterosexual ideals as a gay man when you risk losing your authenticity.


Our differences should be celebrated and not denigrated, especially not by those within our own community.

14 Comments:

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Child, I do not care for him or people of his kind. Is he serious. To look at Bobby you would assume he was butch, but I never assume anyone is straight until they prove it. Now to hear him in the malls talking with other guys calling them girl and using the term "honey" I would think he was a flaming queen behind doors. And Good Eve!

September 08, 2008 12:21 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Remember this is the guy who said he didn't believe in same-sex marriage.

September 08, 2008 1:41 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I am soooo tired of him and people from the older generation. I sometimes think that the older generation is jealous because it takes a certain type of fearlessness to be who you are. The times are different. You had to hide back then or so you thought. No one has to hide and it because people are stepping and being themselves that we are moving forward. Now are there extremes of course there are. However, because you can look, talk and walk like a man doesn't make you anymore worthy of respect than anyone else. He has women hitting on him, and? He is a big black guy. So? It's this type of thinking that keeps a disconnection between the generations. The truth is we all need each other and everyone needs to be represented. Why did they have him speaking anyway? They let him back in the church because he could out most of the people there… Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that.

September 08, 2008 2:08 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Many gay men are NATURALLY feminine. The masculine ones need to stop hatin on them like str8 society does. If you're not attracted to feminine guyz thats one thing, but ALL of Us deserve RESPECT. What an idiot. Why is anyone interviewing him about such topics anyways? He is hardly an enlightened individual, talkin bout he doesn't support gay marriage. Folks need to speak up when people like this talk such nonsense.

September 08, 2008 4:12 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Wow, first and foremost I would like to say that I am truly thankful to God for not being present during his psycho babble about his twisted and distorted ideaology of "effeminity" and respect. How can Bobby Blake begin to even articulate who we are and how we live our lives. He doesnt know shit about having to walk down the street while fearing that someone will possibly do or say something to him. He doesn't know how it feels to be the butt of every derrogative joke or be the punch line for sick coms. He has no fucking idea of what its like to be used and abused by men like him and treated less than nothing. So for him to grab the mic and allow all of that nonsense to come out of his mouth makes me want to vomit! We're the same people he fucks in his movies that made him who he is. It's people like him that makes feminine MEN like myself speak up and speak out about how were treated because people really do get it twisted. And if he has any qualms about anything that Im saying he can email me and we will have a discussion. Since he's pro-education he needs to be "educated" about his eternalized self hatred and i personally think he wants to queen-out at times but wont allow himself to do so.

September 08, 2008 4:35 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

question: why was he invited in the first place? i have heard him speak much of the same once over at clay cane. so if people knew he held these beliefs, why even entertain him?

September 08, 2008 4:59 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

again why is this man relevant?

September 08, 2008 7:42 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I'm not done with me read just yet! "Men Are Men!" First of all that rhetoric is getting a bit redundant. And what the fuck does that mean anyway?! I can walk down the street wearing whatever and still carry myself with class and given respect. Bobby is so consumed in his own homophobia, written a book about fucking other men and then have the audacity to insult and talk down to the same men who do the same thing but aren't selling their bodies for $250 dollars and posing for a camera. Bobby blake can go eat a bloody tampon for all I care! Because its men like that who are giving us REAL men a bad name! Yes I said it. I can twist my turns and still call myself a man!

September 08, 2008 8:42 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Is he for real? Lawd he still does not get it. I think he fails to realize being effiminate is part of some men's nature, so be it. Blake is so clueless when it comes to respect...Does he not get it? No matter who you are or how you carry yourself, you shold not be subject to the hateful ridicule he speaks of here. Why should 'fem' boys hide who they are to accommodate my (or Mr. Blakes) insecurities? Why should they lower their standards because he doesn't have any? Are we to also understand that if one doesn't fit into society's view of who one should be, that person should just stay his ass in the closet? That's a major problem with the masc/fem nonsense that gay men especially, continue to promote. Everyone has a right to BE...period..even Bobby Blake. Now I am not here to judge Mr. Blakes journey from 'porch monkey' porn to pathetic preacher...that's his experience and he is entitled to his observations. However, having the unmitigated gall to utter the nonsense he speaks is simply....wait a minute...are we REALLY sitting here having a dialogue about BOBBY BLAKE??????? Lawd, is this what its come to? Pardon me but I have more pressing matters...like this pending bowel movement. Thanks for this painful post Darian. Now, moving on!!!!!!!

September 08, 2008 9:36 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Very well written. You have spoken the truth. I have never liked that motorcycle monkey from the Wiz. He is not important to any of us.

September 09, 2008 4:41 AM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I agree with most of the post comments. Gay men come in all different flavors and with the exception of those who have not found who they are yet and try to overcompesate by exaggerating their expressions of what they think "gay" means (these folks can be annoying) - we (should) love those who are naturally effiminate. I look at us as the bridges between men and women and we should be VALUED for that, not ridiculed. Effiminate men are STILL MEN and should be respected as such. Continue to be fearless and true to who you are. People like Mr. Blake carry a self-hatred that can come back to bite him when he realizes he is on the wrong side of history.

September 09, 2008 10:24 AM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

he just proved my point why porn will always mess your mind up lol.that is so crazy and sad for him to say with confidence at that...ignorance is bliss

September 09, 2008 2:34 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

well, i'm gonna step into it now...
I like men, and i do not like feminine men, at all, the drag show's and tranny hustler's all have a place in society, but it's not necessarily " gay" to want to or be compelled to dress in womens attire...

no more than scat, water-sports, or any of the other fetishes people are into, there are str8 men whom like to " dress-up" as well. I feel it totally unfair to go into a " gay" bar and be held hostage to bad lip-synching and bad wig's for a whole hour or two...

In larger cities like Montreal, they have bar's that are known as drag bar's, but in the smaller cities it's all thrown together

in the "pride parades", I think the name's should be changed from Pride, to a celebration of sexual or gender identity, because " drag" is not " gay"

Bobby Blake on the other hand is a sad , sad, mis-guided dude, I wished I felt like sharing the email's that we've had between the two of us, he's completely delusional, in his mind's eye's he's famous, loved, respected, and above all a god fearing holy man, his words not mine...

age has nothing to do with wisdom, little brother's, life is not going to give you one damned thing because you think it owe's you something...

if you're black and you wanna live like a street rat in womens clothe's, then thats the way you're going to live, at the club until 5 am, at Burger King 6am, and to your part time job at flea mart's

very few drag people actually make a living at it, and if you can help it, why force it, get into University, or a training program something, but don't jump out of highschool, into the drag scene, and talk about your freedom of choice...this could be a book, but I'll stop here...

get an education, and then wear what the hell you wanna wear, as long as you can buy it, but it ain't about being gay, it's about being you, and I might not like you, but that's also my right...

from a wise old man...

September 13, 2008 12:51 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Dear Darian,
I guess one of the great things about being gay is we know we're each titled to our own opinions, and don't give a damn about what someone has to say. I must say this was a well written piece, though.

As for the whole aspect of being too effeminate, I'd never heard of Bobby Blake until this moment. I think self hate is a problem within our multicolored assortment of The Gays, but we're all at different stages of development. Some would probably say I'm fem. I love me some high heels. But the funny thing is my straight friends have an easier time accepting them than my gay friends. But I digress.

I'm intrigued by your writing.

Patrique

September 17, 2008 12:52 AM

 

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