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13 comments | Monday, December 22, 2008

There comes a point when a person gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. When fighting for the same amount of respect, recognition, and access to equal protection under the law should not be a battle but a given.

When you can no longer deny the hostility directed at you from a group of people who look like you but are the first to disown you. Yet for the sake of "belonging" you continue to endure the torture hoping by some state of osmosis things will change.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of having to explain your right to exist on this earth as you are.

When you grow weary of having to lie so much you have to learn how to tell the truth. When your body won't allow you to simply sit half of you at the table while leaving the rest of you behind in order to make everybody else at the table comfortable.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of having to refute the lies and stereotypes placed on you by the world regarding how you live, love, walk, talk, think, work, play, and pray.

When explaining for the thousandth time that an overbearing mother, absent father, or childhood molestation was not the reason you turned out "that way", as if who you are had to be born out of some devastating experience.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of hoping that religion will catch up with science and when the word abomination is mentioned in a sentence it won't be directed at you. Or when you hear the word spoken again you won't buy into the lie that it defines you.

When your happiness doesn't require the approval of family, society, or an ancient book that was once a source of hope for so many, but has now been turned into a weapon more dangerous than anything requiring a bullet.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of your rights being put up for the popular vote and you get so angry that all you know to do is take to the streets by the thousands.

When you get sick and tired of explaining that a dog or a goat can't sign a marriage license but another human being can.

When "water and doughnuts" simply aren't enough unless they come with the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell, The Employment Non-Discrimination Act, hate crime laws in all 50 states, additional funding for HIV/AIDS research, full marriage rights, and an end to religious bigotry and homophobia.

There comes a point when you get sick and tired of being marginalized and the second class citizenship you've become accustomed to is no longer sufficient.

When you expect your leaders to carry through with campaign promises to make this country a place where all men and women truly are equal regardless of race, class, sexual orientation, or gender identity instead of the same old empty rhetoric.

Yes there comes a point when you've had about all you can take and your body and mind becomes numb and you can't feel anything.


<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

You are preaching to the choir. This is exactly what I needed to read before going to bed. I too find it difficult to understand how a group of people who have been marginalized can endorse oppression. I also am dismayed that religious institutions and persons can legitimize inequality. More than anything, I am furious that elected officials enact legislation (i.e. DOMA) that prohibits LGBT persons from experiencing true equality. I can hope that things will get better in our lifetime. I'm hopeful

December 22, 2008 9:33 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

what an inspiration you are Darian. What a brave, valiant, human, lucid, vivrant soul you are, brother. You made me cry, I admire your honesty so much, your compassion and your fierceness is such a motivation. Don't surrende for you iluminate thousand of us. I am not black of skin but my soul has nurtured in black culture, only in recnt times i'm begining to feel outcast and angry. But you can't make categorizations. I am lucky enough to live in Spain but i lived in the States for a time in the 80s-90s and feel so sad for my brothers. Anyway meandering, I just want to thank you for this beautifully human entry. You are a man of value. that's what you are my queer sis.

December 23, 2008 12:44 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Last month, you asked where was Keith Boykins. The former gay rights activist finally spoke out about on Prop. 8 several days ago.

My question is where is H. Alexander Robinson, the head of the National Black Justice Coalition? What does he (and the NBJC) do anyway?

And did you hear that the Rev. Rick Warren will be speaking at the King Memorial next month?

December 23, 2008 5:45 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Well Said bro. I couldnt put it any better than that.

December 23, 2008 7:29 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have been there a few times. I don't know what it will take for people to open up their hearts and minds.

December 23, 2008 9:17 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Darian you aint old enough or experienced enough to be usin the "sick n tired ..." phrase.

December 23, 2008 11:28 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I'm more irritated that my fellow 'mo's have been so up in arms about Warren that they've completely ignored the inclusion of a pro gay rights pastor who gets the last word at the event.

I understand the anger, but it makes us look bad. And if we're not careful it will be manipulated by the Republicans and then we'll really have something to cry about.

It's time for the LGBTQ community to pull their heads out of their asses when it comes to politics and play hardball. The theocrats do, we need to stop being so damned nice and start being sneaky and effective.

Don't get mad. Don't get tired. Get involved and get even, but in the process, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Which is how the Republicans found themselves in their current situation.

December 23, 2008 7:26 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I understand your pain, Darian. However, I think the LGBT community need to realize is that the church will never part from the bible and the lessons taught therein. The bible does speak of the God of love, acceptance, mercy and grace. But it also speak of a God that requires a chasten life, holiness, sanctification, purity, purging and purification of the body and soul.

With that being said, we are free to make the choices we wish to make, but to force our decisions in how we want life to be and put it in the church is simply wrong.

Now, I am all for rights for the LGBT community to work and not have the fear of being fired, I am against hate crime and I feel we (yes I am gay) should have visitation rights and rights to merge personal lives to whomever we wish. And many of these things we can do right now, legally! However, I have a ultimate fear in reverance to the church. I just cannot utter the words "gay marriage" in the presence of God and I do not feel in my heart of heart God want us to be this way, but we are living the lives as we know it to be.

Darian, we are all sick and tired, but to force our beliefs and choices of life on others in society is simply wrong. I do feel we are free to live how we wish equally, right now, just as we are.

December 24, 2008 4:58 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

It should be pointed out that the Rev. Joseph Lowery does NOT support marriage equality for gays. He supports civil unions for the gays. He does NOT support same-sex marriage.

December 24, 2008 6:43 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Maybe this explains why you're having trouble. Surely you understand what the misgivings of the black community are. You just don't want to accept them as coming from a valid place.

Methinks like most "liberals", you have set up a straw man in your head, and are vigorously fighting it. If you weren't you'd know that those you view as your opponents have gone, way past "absent father, distant mother" a long, long time ago. You'd also realize that you put too much faith in what science has to say about sexuality (too much if only because science is not as concrete as you wish it to be).

You'd also know that it is irrelevant to your opponents as well, since they already hold that whether or not homosexuality is "inborn", it is abnormal and not ideal and the actions that spring from it are sinful.

You should be more sick and tired being so Orthodox.
I think you believe you are forging a path for black gays, but in my opinion all you are doing is following the path set out by white gays (OUT, Advocate) and finding black people who fit the model to showcase from time to time.

Why do gays have to be like straights? For OUT and The Advocate, it is clear why: they want to be part of the white male power structure. All they need now to "be normal" is marriage.

What about you?

If you're so liberal you wouldn't be so tied to convention. Why do blacks have to do the same things whites do? Why must we mirror everything they do?

Gay Pride/Black Gay Pride

OUT Magazine/Bleu Magazine

Gay clubs/ Black gay clubs

What is this at all?

Liberate yourself from the template. I am still hoping to see some post of yours that does not parrot the leftist status quo--or the gay status quo (and I don't mean the obligatory hand-wringing over race before you plunge into studious agreement with yet another edict from on (gay) high.

Why must black gays (or anyone for that matter) "come out of the closet?

Why must we accept "lesbian", "gay" and "bisexual" as personal descriptors? Why must anyone?

How do you look at yourself in the morning and say that of all things marriage--marriage--is the most pressing issue in the black "gay" community today?

I dare you to read something (a book maybe)that is not doctrinaire left (go Libertarian for now if you stand a chance of heart failure) for the new year.

Challenge your outlook. Be honest with yourself. Step back and look at what you're doing and question it; and come back and write something--anything--that I would not see on Towleroad (but with white people).
Smash the echo chamber. Reevaluate what is "important" (or what the received wisdom is).

I know Americans suck at taking criticism but say what...
I dare you to print this.

December 24, 2008 8:49 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

A. Friend-

You made quite a few assumptions about me in your self righteous rant. I was taking it all in until I read this line- "Why must black gays (or anyone for that matter) "come out of the closet?".

Since you're in the mood for passing out challenges, let me challenge you to write your own damn blog in 2009 where you can dictate the content within because it's not happening on this one. Happy New Year!

December 24, 2008 9:20 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

A Friend-

Wait I see you do have your own blog, actually two. But you're one of the closeted, caribbean, self-loathing types. It all makes sense now. My bad:)

December 24, 2008 9:24 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

What a wonderful post! Wonderful blog by the way!
However, I disagree about being "sick and tired." Myself, I am ready to fight...lol.
As it is I don't have the same internal conflict, anymore, that many African American LGBT's have. I happen to be agnostic so the Christian religion does not impede on my self worth and personal growth.
However, I can understand the frustration. For me I just don't deal with the ignorance of many straight black people.

And for the person who says, "We are not made like this" I say to them...Speak for yourself. I was born absolutely fabulous boo!

December 26, 2008 11:56 AM


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