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2 comments | Thursday, March 29, 2007

I received the following message from a young lady by the name of Regan in response to a post I wrote on Wednesday dealing with the likelihood of a biological basis for homosexuality. I'm amazed to learn of the number of women who read my site on a daily basis. Thank you ladies and thank you Reagan for being who you are.

Hey Darian,

I LIKE your site. I'm accessing the sites of as many LGBT folk of color as I can. Just to check in, see how you're doing.
I'm a former dancer myself. Just semi retired recently, but I might get back into it. I have lupus and it's been trying to kill me for the last five years, but I'm still here! So it seems the universe is trying to tell me to concentrate on the writing I do. Finish the writing projects I started. I was born to write as much as dance.

But to get to the point. I've learned that I have a big mouth and know how to use it in defense of my gay family.
It's not about blood relatives, it's about our blood relation as human beings. The het/gay thing is symbiotic, for sure.
Which is why, it boggles my MIND and infuriates me, when I keep hearing ignorant straight folks CONTINUE to argue with gay people about whether it's a choice or not. Or continue to use the words 'lifestyle' to describe being gay.

Straight folks just CAN'T get over it that they are the superior beings they wish they were, nor are gay folks inferior to them in ways they wish they were. How strange that a straight person would TELL a gay person that being gay is a choice.
As IF! Why can't a man argue with a woman that he knows what childbearing and birth is like. OR a menstrual period? Right?
Why can't a white person argue with a black, that THEY know what racism feels like?

So it's REALLY stupid that straight people don't believe what gay folks have to say about it, and those who claim the Bible has given them some moral clarity, but show their moral blindness when they make a moral equivalence to homosexuality and murder, theft and substance addiction.

If they can't know that how one human being TREATS another is what determines moral values and clarity, then they should shut up! One could, with virtually absolute legitimacy conflate how gay people have been treated in institutional homophobia with segregationist institutions. Indeed, it wasn't color that Jim Crow was organized around. Color was a means of achieving segregation, but the real reason was white paranoia regarding black SEXUALITY. Whites gave black sex the same beastlike, aggressive and evil characteristics they give gay sexuality. In that, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.

So now, straight people are enabled and emboldened to profligate the same myths and misinformation. And they imbue themselves with some special knowlege and intimacy with gay motives and ability, while they know few gay people other than who validates their stereotypes. Same as segregationists, reported what they thought of blacks, while knowing any on the terms required to know.

The most anti gay are finding that their information isn't squaring with reality. But it's amazing how many straight people make lame attempts to explain their beliefs, who are running for President. Some don't bother to address what's the most pressing gay life right now.

When John Kerry was asked about whether he thought being gay was a choice, I was embarrassed at his answer. And outraged at Lynn Cheney's upbraiding of him, yet she said nothing to Alan Keyes (or James Dobson) who vilified her daughter by name. Were I John Kerry, here's what MY answer would have been. "Why are you asking me, a heterosexual man? When at the same time, you're ignoring the MILLIONS of gay men and women who say it definitely is NOT a choice? I am not the one to question, nor is any heterosexual person in a position to deny that what gay people say isn't true."

I would take it further Darian, and dare those homophobes to decide, since they cannot AVOID the possibility that a child in THEIR family could be gay, what world would they prefer for them? The world that is accepting and brings out their talent and compassion to share with the world? Or a world that CONTINUES to threaten them so that they can't finish school or they could end up tied to a fence with their heads bashed in like Matt Shepard? THEY are the ones who could choose. And the choice is MUCH easier for them.

They should look around, homosexuality is UNIVERSAL and indigenous to ALL human (and some animal life). So it CAN'T be a lifestyle whatsoever. And it's perfectly natural since it doesn't matter what your family structure or culture is.

So what straight people's responsibility is this: THEY can choose. To live with being lied to, in denial or deluded so that it blows up in everyone's face in the worst way. Or face facts that gays and lesbians ARE not and have NEVER been the reprobates they have been taught, and be fucking HAPPY about it! And move onto more pressing issues, oh like GANG VIOLENCE and the drug infusion that fuels it. After all, it's not gangs of gay kids running about America's streets and shooting their children down in them.

This you heard from a straight black woman that won't stop at simply having gay friends who are loved and cherished.
I'll call every damn homobigot on their bullshit the way I'd call a racist on theirs. End of sermon!

Be well, be loved brother.
Stay in touch!

6 comments | Tuesday, March 27, 2007

It's a choice. That statement always baffles me when it's being hurled at the gay community from the religious right and those who oppose homosexuality. I cannot recall the day nor the hour when I looked in the mirror and decided to become a card carrying homosexual, aka public enemy number one. Nor have I come across a heterosexual who could tell me the very moment they decided that they wanted to couple up with someone of the opposite sex. It just doesn't happen that way.

I believe that sexual orientation is an intrinsic part of a person's DNA, besides who in their right mind would choose to be gay when they have to endure such great hardships.

A recent article in The Washington Post talks about how science may soon prove that a biological basis for sexual orientation exists. To be blunt, the religious right is not happy about this possibility. This new research will force them to rethink their opposition of homosexuality and the scriptures they've used for years to oppress GLBT people.

I identify as a Christian, but I have to be honest and say that the behavior that is exemplified by many "so called Christians" in this country makes my stomach turn.

So imagine that science proves that you and I were born with a "gay gene" and what we've known all along is proven to be true. What is a same gender loving person to do and what will society and the church expect of him? To be celibate of course.

Homosexuality in itself would not be considered a sin, but to "act" (because you know that's the one thing straight people fear the most, what Tim and Tony are doing when they're in bed) on it would be. This is a ridiculous double standard that makes me laugh and pisses me off at the same time. It would be acceptable for heterosexuals to freely express their God-given sexuality, but it would be a sin for the homosexual to do the same.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't allow sex to have control over my life. I'm sure if I wanted to choose a life of celibacy I could, but I don't. And I don't think because I didn't get the "straight bug" from inception, I should be left out of one of the most beautiful experiences you can share with someone you love. No thank you! Please come with another argument because that one is tired!

I just refuse to believe that God is a viscious, mean -spirited, homophobic, bigot. If that's what's waiting for me on the other side I shouldn't have any problem adjusting, I'm dealing with that here on earth.


Last week casting notices for the film adaptation of James Earl Hardy's novel B Boy Blues were announced. Auditions will begin to take place the first two weeks of April in New York and Los Angeles. I recently penned an article on the journey of B Boy Blues to the big screen for Clik Magazine, to be included in the next issue.

I wrestled with including my dream cast in the article and in the end I opted not to do so. But an e-mail from my friend Joseph with a list of his dream cast forced me to play casting director in my head all over again. Well since I believe that Joseph and I are on to something, I thought I would share our picks with you here.

Mitchell Crawford: African-American male early-late 20s. Middle class magazine writer who loves jazz music. Sweet, naive, hurt by love.

Joseph's pick is Daryl Stephens(Noah's Arc).I thought long and hard about this one and I have to agree, I think Daryl would make a great Mitchell.

Raheim: African -American male 18-early 20s, somewhat cocky thug but also sweet and romantic (homeboy with heart).

Lawd have mercy! Now this is going to be a hard role to cast. Joseph chose singer Tyrese...excuse me, Tyrese Gibson when he's acting. I managed to narrow it down to my top three.

Michael Jai White

Darrin Henson

Jensen Atwood

Director Maurice Jamal promises that this film will have lots of "hot moments", I can only imagine.

Finally there's the character Gene, Mitchell's best friend. Joseph chose TC Carson(Living Single) and I chose Anthony Mackie.

On TC: Where in the hell has he been?

On Anthony : Did you see him giving it to Kerry Washington in She Hate Me? I think I'm gonna have to pop that movie in right now!

I know which ever direction Maurice goes in the casting is going to be flawless, the success of the film depends on it. Shooting is scheduled to start in early May in New York City. I'm sure this time next year we will have another great Black gay film to add to the small but growing collection.



No pun intended. It's Wednesday, only 2 more days before the weekend begins. It's been a while since I've posted some good ole' eye candy, so today is the day. You''ll be happy to know that I kicked my down low brotha to the curb. Did you really think I was going to let him take me through? Come on now.

So I'm taking applications again. You don't have to look like the brothers in the pics, but it wouldn't hurt. Enjoy !


4 comments | Monday, March 26, 2007

Last week we started with this verse:

The thief cometh not but to kill, steal, and destroy; I am come that you might have life and have it more abundantly. John 10:10

Last week I left you with this verse to ponder. This familiar passage of scripture is used as a cliché in many pulpits around the world. In reexamining this text I would suggest to you that this verse is so much more than a catchy phrase that a skillful orator uses to elicit an emotional response from the congregation on Sunday morning. Within this verse are hidden the hopes and dreams of Jesus Christ for His people.

It is important for us all to understand that while life poses many challenges, there is a God who knows all, sees all and in spite of it all still has abundant life planned for His children. Jeremiah 29:11 says it this way: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

You might be thinking, “The scripture is all well and good but how do I make the scripture real in my life? How do I manifest abundant life? How can I experience this peace?” I stated in last weeks post that there are no easy answers to spiritual questions and I would be an ego driven fool to think I have all the answers. I trust that although what I have say may challenge you to think about these things differently, if we begin the process of answering these very difficult questions, the answers will hopefully reveal to us a renewed sense of self and a greater sense of purpose.

There are two ways; in general, we can look at abundant life. We can look at it from a natural perspective or we can look at from a spiritual perspective. The place where I would like to begin the heart of our discussion is Identity. Conventional wisdom would say that given this forum (“loldarian.com") I must be talking about sexual identity (straight, gay, bi-, SGL, transgender.) But since there is nothing about any human being that is “conventional”, I try not to use “conventional wisdom” when dealing with God’s most perfect creation. You! The question that we all try to answer for ourselves is Who am I?

This question is often answered with some any of the following: name, occupation, race, sexuality, etc. I would contend that the answer to this question has absolutely nothing to do with your name, occupation, race, sexuality or anything else that is limited to this earthly realm. Your name is what you are called, your occupation is what you do, your race is the color of your skin and your sexuality is…well…I think you get the point.

So answer the question for me! WHO ARE YOU? Do we begin uncovering the seemingly mysterious question of our identity from a spiritual or natural perspective? Why?

Don’t keep your thoughts to yourself. Feel free to leave a comment or contact me directly. We are all in this together. The Bible says in Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.


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2 comments | Sunday, March 25, 2007

I have a feeling this is going to be one of my random posts, there's a lot on my mind right now but none of which I can clearly communicate so bare with me. Have you ever felt that way before? Last night I took a look at the 500+ friends I have on myspace ( why are they called friends when I don't know half of the people on my list?) and I was specifically interested in connecting with people who share the same passion for GLBT issues as I do.

I'm grateful for all of the attention that I've been given from members of the community as a result of writing this blog. I can't even begin to describe how it feels when a complete stranger sends me an e-mail or walks up to me on the street to tell me how something I've said has affected their life. I realize my form of activism takes place online and not necessarily on the front lines, but I know the time will come when I will be positioned to be front and center.

There is a huge buzz about the book/dvd "The Secret"(I told you this post was going to be random). I haven't read the book nor do I think I will anytime soon. But if what I've heard about it is true , I will apply one of it's main principles in my life right now for all of the blogosphere to see.

Fact: I'm working for a well respected Fortune 500 company in a position held by few African-American men. It's been said it's easier to get into Stanford than to work for this company. I'm making more money than people with multiple degrees, but I'm not living out my purpose.

So Darian what in the hell do you want to do?

Truth: I want to work full time for a major GLBT organization. National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, National Black Justice Coalition , and the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation are my top three. I'm also visualizing my writing inside of The Advocate , OUT , and consistently in CLIK .

So there. Now my inner most thoughts and desires for my future are out on the table. I've never been so afraid to take risks before in my life, that's how I know I've become too comfortable with where I am right now. Stability is my enemy. I know that sounds crazy but it's true.

I feel another transition is about to occur in my life. While I'm over here praying about this thing, feel free to pass this post along to all of your friends in high places. I'm learning sometimes you just have to speak what you want into existence. Claim it and it shall be yours.


Yesterday I realized I was fresh out of contact solution, and I knew if I didn't want to dispose them before the 2 week expiration I needed to punch it to the grocery store. For the record I avoid grocery stores like the plague. There is no reason for me to shop there because I eat out every day. I know it's horrible for my health, but I just don't have the time to prepare a meal with my busy schedule, and besides I never learned how to cook.

Once I managed to find out where the solution was located I picked up a bottle and proceeded to check out, but I was stopped suddenly by the strangest thing. Condoms. Yes, I said condoms. It wasn't strange for me to see condoms in the grocery store, the part that was odd and upsetting for me was that the condoms were not accessible, they were locked in a glass cage with instructions that read, "please see a cashier for key" .

I think condoms should be just as easy to retrieve as a carton of milk. I left the store wondering how many young men were too embarrased to ask for assistance in purchasing protection. I know I probably would have never worked up the courage as a teenager to ask an adult to open up a cage so I could buy a box of condoms. The cold look of judgement on their face would have been traumatic for me.

Black people are still being infected with HIV/AIDS at an alarming rate, and until there's a cure we have got to protect ourselves. I spoke with a friend of mine who works in the grocery industry and he told me they most likely locked the condoms up because of theft. I don't know if I'm completely buying that theory, but I've definitely got one of my own.

Lock up the condoms so young people can't get to them and they will be discouraged from having sex. That sounds like the typical southern mentality. I think the next time I make a trip to the store I'm gonna have to ask the boss a few questions. I bet he won't even see it coming.

3 comments | Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Last night I had the opportunity to hear the controversial Bishop Carlton Pearson speak on what he calls "The Gospel of Inclusion" on the campus of Morehouse College. The lecture was titled "Claim It: Your Truth, Your Faith, Your Sexuality", and was sponsored by the HRC and SAFE SPACE, an LGBT club created by a group of openly gay Morehouse men.

The hour long message from Bishop Pearson gave the audience insight on the rise and fall of one of the Black church's most influential and wealthy leaders, and the new doctrine that he now preaches that has caused old friends to abandon him and new friends to embrace him.

When I first heard that he had been invited to speak at Morehouse I was in shock. HBCU's are generally conservative and rooted deep in tradition, a tradition that has a reputation for excluding and mistreating it's gay and lesbian students.

It was my first time on Morehouse's campus so I had a close friend who is on staff there give me a tour. As we walked around the yard I couldn't help but notice the large number of SGL men that I saw walking in every direction, but in the opposite direction of Bishop Pearson's lecture. I would later find out that homophobia still runs deep at Morehouse even in some gay circles, most likely resulting in the small number of students and faculty who are out on campus.

In November of 2002, a gay bashing sent shockwaves through the school when then 19 year old student Aaron Price assaulted Gregory Love, another student who he perceived to be gay in a shower stall with a baseball bat, leaving him with a fractured skull. Former Morehouse student Jason Harrell shares his experience as an openly gay man at Morehouse here .

I never attended an HBCU and for a moment walking on campus I felt like I'd missed out on a wonderful experience. But the further I walked and the more I learned of the college experience of many of my gay brothers, the less I felt like I'd missed out on a golden opportunity. The conservatory I attended on Manhattan's upper west side began to look even more like a cultural hotbed of diversity.

I always thought that Morehouse and gay men went hand in hand, you couldn't possibly have one without the other. It's obvious that LGBT folks are apart of the student body, but unfortunately because of conservatism and the hostile environment towards gays they remain closeted.

Hopefully Bishop Pearson's presence will spark the long overdue dialogue about the need for tolerance and acceptance on the campus of Morehouse and other institutions of higher learning.



Well it seems that life after the cancellation of Noah's Arc has been pretty good for Mr. Darryl Stephens. Darryl was recently in South Africa promoting the release of his new movie Boy Culture at the Out in Africa film festival. Ironicaly, his former show Noah's Arc was being shown to the people of South Africa simultaneously.

I can only imagine the impact both films had on the SGL community in Africa, especially Noah's Arc. I remember how excited I was to see the lives of Black gay men depicted on the screen, but I can only imagine how important it must be for the people of Africa who live in fear of being murdered simply because of who they are.

Congrats to Darryl on all of his success. Now we just have to wait for the release of Noah's Arc the movie in 2008. Right? Don't even get me started.


Cool Slideshows

The Derrick L. Briggs Book Club has launched a new website for the hugely popular New York book club founded by Derrick L. Briggs in 2003 with the simple yet effective pitch, "Books are Sexy".

I first heard about Derrick and his book club through friend and fellow writer Trent Jackson. Now if you guys read this post from a few days ago then you know I have a difficult time completing the books I read, but Derrick's new ad makes me wanna run to the library and read every book in stock!

It's true, sex sells. But seriously, Derrick is gaining a lot of attention for encouraging people to read more. He was named one of the Top 25 men of 2006 by Instincts Magazine and is in the process of writing his first novel.

I'm proud of him and I don't even know him...yet. Another example of a strong, beautiful, and creative brother making his mark on the world.

Learn more about the Derrick. L. Briggs Book Club here .


3 comments | Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Cool Slideshows

Keston Karter may not be a household name yet, but I have a strong feeling that it will only be a matter of time before this beautiful man becomes the object of affection for thousands of people.

A native of Trinidad and Tobago, Keston moved to New York City at the age of four and quickly developed a passion for acting and modeling. The latter cuaght my attention as I was browsing through the new issue of Clik Magazine and nearly had a heart attack upon seeing his photos.

According to Clik editor-in-chief Dwight Powell, Keston does not "play on our side of the fence". Damn! I guess we can't have them all. But since the possibility of having the real Keston Karter show up at your front door is next to impossible, he's created an amazing calendar with flawless photographs to soften the blow(no pun intended).

12 months of Keston Karter for only $16.50 . My birthday is on April 16th and I know what I'm adding to my wish list. Check out Keston's personal website and his myspace page at the links provided above, and oh...close your mouth, you're drooling!



Calm down, this is not my personal belief, but it is the belief of someone I came in contact with a couple of days ago and I'm still in shock. I was at work and found myself in the middle of a political discussion that shouldn't have happend, especially in the workplace.

This individual boldly stated that Hillary Clinton or any woman should never hold the highest office in government simply because of her gender." The presidency has always been held by a man and it's a man's job to lead the country, just as it's a man's job to be the head of the household." " It's innapropriate for a woman to lead because biblically God teaches a woman to be submissive and to only speak when spoken too."

Can you imagine me standing there with my mouth wide open in disbelief? I quickly left the room in an attempt to digest what I'd just heard. I've not written about the current campaign for The White House because I simply don't know enough about the candidates and their platforms yet( I usually wait until the last minute to pay attention to what they're saying).

Barack Obama's race just isn't enough for me to give him my vote and Hillary Clinton's "secret" alliance with the HRC isn't enough to make me believe she's in my gay corner.

But what disturbed me the most about this person's comments were the sexist and anti-feminist overtone of their argument. Not to forget that the person who said all of these ridiculous things is a WOMAN .

I'm dying to know what you guys think about this one.


6 comments | Sunday, March 18, 2007

I first met Albert Lee in the fall of 2001 working in the off- broadway show No Easy Walk to Freedom in New York City. I was cast as a dancer in the ensemble and he was a lead soloist. We quickly grew to become really close friends during the run of the show and remained in contact with each other after I decided to leave New York.

Albert holds a master's degree from the Juilliard School of Music and has a voice that is truly anointed. He is a man of integrity and strength and someone that I often look to for support and spiritual guidance. Many of our conversations tackle the challenge of reconciling your spirituality with your sexuality, a challenge that we have both faced head on.

Each week on this site he will be delivering a "word" for all who choose to receive it, especially those of us who feel shunned by the church or even by God himself.

Albert Lee

I am so excited to begin sharing this weekly commentary with you. After several years of friendship with Darian and countless conversations about spiritual issues I am grateful for the opportunity to share some of my views on the issue of spirituality and sexual expression. You should know upfront that Darian and I don’t always view these issues in the same way and on many occasions we have disagreed. Darian’s invitation for me to contribute to this blog is a testament to his commitment to serve the LGBT community in more ways than just activism. In a time where issues of sexuality have been used to sway elections and the Bible has been used to support personal prejudice it is of grave importance that the message of Jesus Christ and the Church is offered to all people.

While I consider myself to be a learned man of God, I do not claim to have all the answers. What I will share with you is based on my own sojourn toward understanding and accepting my own sexuality. Although this is a journey that has been wrought with spiritual highs and lows, many emotional nights, and times of great mental anguish, an unfailing belief that God has a greater purpose for my life has driven me to continue seeking greater truth.

As we attempt to understand spirituality and sexual expression together I pray that my contribution to Living Out Loud with Darian will be a blessing to those who read it, that our lives will be enlightened and that we come to understand the joys of the greatest gift that God has ever offered mankind, salvation through Jesus Christ. I do not begrudge people of other religions and spiritual persuasions their belief, but as a Christian man the foundation of everything that I am is built on Jesus Christ and it is from that perspective that I share with you.

For this first post I leave you with the words of Jesus himself for you to contemplate.

John 10:10 “The thief comes not but to steal, kill, and destroy: I am come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.”

What does it mean to have abundant life?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Feel free to leave a comment on this site or you can e-mail Albert at albertrlee@hotmail.com

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If you're an Atlantian or you're in town visiting, if you pick up a copy of the new issue of David Atlanta Magazine you will see a familiar face. I attended John Amaechi's book signing a couple of weeks ago with one of my best friend's Travis (he's the one next to me with the candy !) and somehow managed to end up in front of a camera.

It was an evening that I will always remember, John Amaechi kept my attention for over 2 hours (for many different reasons) and Travis didn't talk to me for a week afterwards...long story. Anyway, he loves me, I love him, and I definitely love John Amaechi !

When you're in Atlanta make sure you pick up copies of two great publications for the GLBT community, Southern Voice News and David Atlanta Magazine .



This week Jared and Nathan discuss the popular book and dvd TheSecret . There is no need for me to explain what this book is all about, because if you haven't heard about it by now then you must have been living in a cave. Once an author is fortunate enough to have Oprah Winfrey sing his praises his book is bound to become a national best seller.

The guys also introduce two new guests to the show on this episode. Make sure you watch the entire show to find out the topic for next week. It's gonna be a hot one!



The Black Aids Institute invites you to activate your spirit, motivate your soul and rejuvenate your body under the warm skies of crimson colored Arizona. Join over 50 successful dedicated Black Gay Men for an invitation-only retreat in the lap of the luxurious famed Hotel Valley Ho Resort and Spa, April 26 through April 27, 2007, in Scottsdale, Arizona. The Institute is proud to host this safe comfortable environment for sharing life experiences, mentoring and discussing topical issues as we forge new leadership in the greater global Black community.

The Black Gay Men’s Retreat 2007 will continue to strengthen and build a network of professional and creative talent. This Black gay “renaissance” weekend will not only create a stronger “brotherhood,” but will inspire mobilization of our personal, political and collective financial power. With structured and informal dialogue, our aim is to strategize; self explore and develop plans that will change the course of HIV/AIDS and other matters that affect us greatly.

We shall ask each other the hard questions. As our HIV/AIDS infections have increased to epidemic proportions among Black men, how do we incite a new Democratic-led Congress to increase funding. What will be our posture among Presidental hopefuls as platforms are being created? Will we leverage our collective power and voices to be a part of that process? In the midst of these weighty issues, the Black Gay Men’s Retreat 2007 is also crafted to build lifelong friendships and of course, relax from our busy demanding lives.

The retreat is by invitation only. For registration info please click here .


0 comments | Thursday, March 15, 2007

Afterelton.com, a blog owned by LOGO profiles three prominent African-American gay men in a post written by James Hillis. Lee Daniels, producer of Halle Berry's Academy Award winning movie Monster's Ball, Patrick Ian-Polk creator of Noah's Arc, and fellow blogger Rod McCollum of Rod 2.0 .

It's a very well written post highlighting the experiences of three very influential Black gay men. Get into it here .


I've accepted the fact that I suffer from the six month curse. My last two relationships went downhill once I approached the sixth month mark and I seem to be stuck in this horrible pattern. The first guy turned out to be the exact opposite of who he claimed to be so that relationship needed to end. I actually wish it wouldn't have taken me six months to realize that he wasn't good for me. The second guy was wonderful, the only problem was that he wasn't local. Long distance relationships are difficult, I don't think I ever want to try that again.

So I'm single, damn near thirty years old(27 years old next month to be exact) and single. I've always been told if you go out looking for love you will never find it, and that I should just let love find me. Well somebody found me but I don't think he had love on his mind.

Tall, chocolate, sexy, and masculine, this brother was everything physically that I wanted in a man. His masculinity alone was such a turn on to me, if you know me personally then you know I can "queen" out with the best of them, so I prefer my partner to be "hard" for lack of a better term. Keep in mind I did not say "straight-acting", I don't want to be involved with anyone who feels the need to act.

I expected this guy to only be interested in one thing and when he got what he was interested in I wouldn't hear from him again. I'm at the point in my life where meaningless sex does absolutely nothing for me, I need to have an emotional connection as well. So that means if we're on a date you won't be getting to "know" me right away.

Well that was my self imposed rule and rules are made to be broken. Right? He was such a gentleman, he opened doors, pulled out my chair, treated me like a ...KING (watch it !) . At times I felt slightly emasculated and other times I was in heaven.

But there were a few burning questions that I had to ask him. Are you gay? His response was no and he was serious. Do you sleep with women? He replied, "Yeah I sleep with women, I haven't in a little while but if I see some hot p**** and I wanna hit it, I'm gonna hit it." Are you out to your family? "Hell no"!

Ok, so this is when I was supposed to show him to the door. We are total opposites, he's closeted and I'm so out I don't ever remember being in. He had never seen Noah's Arc until he met me and was oblivious to all things gay, except certain areas on my body that he loved exploring. I know he's not husband material and he's a total waste of time. So that leaves me to wonder, how in the hell did I let a down low brotha into my house?


I should have read this one in one night. I can use all of the help I can get to make it past the six month mark.

Intelligent, courageous, and my celebrity crush! I swear I'm gonna finish this book...one day.

Now this is a book that I actually finished. I've read this one at least ten times. Check out my article in CLIK magazine next month on the film adaptation.

This book changed my life at age 16. I've read it so many times I've lost count.

Trent gave me a special copy of his first book late last year, all I need to do is book a flight and it's a done deal. Love ya Trent!

I love Sylvester! The author sent me a copy after he saw a blog I'd written about Sylvester. I'm really gonna get around to reading this book...no seriously.


Leave it to the creators of South Park to illustrate through humor and animation just how damaging ex-gay ministries are to the people who are subjected to their lies and false hope.I would like to dedicate this video to my dear friend The Captain. Enjoy!


1 comments | Wednesday, March 14, 2007

In 2006 The Washington Post released a series of articles and documentaries depicting the lives of Black men in America. In a world where Black men have overcome insurmountable obstacles to achieve success, our contribution to society is often questioned by "the man" as well as within our own community.

Consider this and then add homosexuality to the mix, and you've got yourself a very challenging life. The original title of the piece was "Being A Black Man", and in response a group of gay men in D.C. decided to discuss over dinner their life experiences as Black gay men.

The men discuss coming out, relationships, rejection from the church, starting families, and the need to identify as both Black and gay without claiming one part of their identity as superior.

It's a very intimate look into the minds and hearts of a group of men who's stories are often deemed unimportant in the larger Black community.

This documentary is a 2007 GLAAD nominee in the Outstanding Digital Journalism category.

Being A Gay Black Man

by Ben de la Cruz, Pierre Kattar, and Sholnn Z. Freeman



Now I really thought I'd seen just how ridiculous the comments from anti-gay fundamentalists could get until I came across this article in Southern Voice. Rev. Lou Sheldon and "Apostle" Jamie Pleasant had the following to say about the rise in new HIV/AIDS infections in Black women, men and women who identify as gay or lesbian, and what the Black church should do about it.

"Married black women who do not have regular sex with their husbands are to blame for the "down low" and the rise of HIV infection among African Americans." The marital duty is not being fulfilled, Pleasant said ,Why are we with you women? Just think about it…we have a strong sex drive. You need to do your part and keep the marriage bed pure. Whenever your husband wants sex it is your duty to say yes."

"We have a battle on our hands," Sheldon said. "The homosexuals lose every time an issue is on a ballot but more and more activist judges and legislators are supporting them. It is important that people of color speak up because the press will listen to you."

"The homosexuals have gone from their bedrooms to the classrooms, and the press is always playing up the well-dressed homosexual helping these minority children," he said. "It is up to us to make sure our little children are not being violated."

"Our heart must go out to them," he said. "They don’t trust men and need female counseling."

Sheldon began his speech by saying "preacher's never lie". I could go on all day about this ridiculous "god fearing" man ( please...spare me!) but I won't. I'll just direct you to a video clip that I think Rev. Sheldon should revisit since he thinks preachers never lie.


2 comments | Monday, March 12, 2007

Over the weekend The National Black Justice Coalition held it's second annual Black Church Summit in Philadelphia. This event brings together members of the GLBT community and clergy in an effort to dialogue about homophobia in the church.

This year those in attendance were privileged to hear the dynamic speaker and author Dr. Michael Eric Dyson as well as Rev. Deborah L. Johnson .

Retired NBA star and HRC spokesperson John Amaechi was also on hand for the opening night reception. I was unable to make it to Philadelphia this year but my heart was definitely there. However, fellow blogger Pam Spaulding of Pam's House Blend was in attendance and covered the entire event on her amazing site.

One of the goals of the summit is to have an open and honest discussion with leaders of the conservative Black church about issues that directly affect the lives of GLBT people of faith. This year Bishop Harry Jackson was invited to participate in a debate about homosexuality and the church. His point of view still has me reeling from a headache, read for yourself here .

The work NBJC is doing with the Black church is extremely important. The church is the epicenter of the Black community, and if we're ever going to eradicate homophobia among our own we've got to tackle the root cause of it, and unfortunately a lot of it stems from religion or the misuse thereof.

If you want to know more about The National Black Justice Coalition or get involved, simply click here .


9 comments | Sunday, March 11, 2007

Yesterday as I was browsing on myspace I came across a bulletin posted by my friend Willber. The tiltle of the bulletin read, " Little Kid Think's He's Beyonce". I had a feeling that it was going to be highly entertaining and I was right, but I wasn't prepared to read over 200 homophobic comments directed towards the young man in the video, most likely a 6 year old child.

He imitates Beyonce's every move, from the flip of her hair, to her strut, and even her dance moves. I couldn't help but reminisce about when I was his age and I spent hours imitating my favorite singer, Janet Jackson.

This video has been viewed over forty thousand times in less than a week, and the overall reaction to this obviously talented but effeminate little boy has been beyond cruel.

"I would love to have my son beat his ass and get my wife to beat his Momma's ass. This is sad."

"That lil nig gon be gay when he grows up."

"Flamin fag in the making...if it was my son i'd throw his ass in football unpaded for that shit".

"This the problem with the "gay agenda" which is highly supported by ignorant "black" females. they are so Gung ho about seeing lil' boys act like little girls only to be complaining later when their husband is on the down low. the kid looks like a sissy. I bet you he's raised by his momma alone!".

I'm sorry, but the first few seconds, I had to stop the video. I saw spirits flying around this boy. (In case you don't know what that means, I mean demons...Yes, this boy has a homosexual spirit on him, among other spirits) -Is this person serious?

I know these comments were left by ignorant people who aren't even worth the energy or attention I'm giving them, but my heart goes out to this little boy because I've been where he is and I know first hand all of the obstacles he's going to have to overcome. The bottom line is that this child can dance and he needs training so his talent can be molded. At six years old his sexuality shouldn't even be up for discussion. He will deal with that issue when it presents itself, which will probably be soon, I knew at age seven.

I believe his performance in this video is purely innocent and out of admiration for Beyonce, it's definitely not reason to ring the alarm (pun intended) because he's not imitating 50 Cent, which would probably garner him stripes and a gold medal instead of hurtful slurs. We'll accept the thug who's been shot multiple times, perpetuates violence through music and degrades women over the homosexual anyday. America. The sad part is the people who left those comments are not alone in their thoughts. And I heard someone say the other day that there was no such thing as homophobia, yeah right.

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Academy Award nominee Terrence Howard recently spoke to the media about the possibility of an out gay rapper finding success in the homophobic music industry and whether or not African -Americans would support a gay artist. His comments are slightly dissapointing and typical, mainly because he makes a failed attempt to appear tolerant and understanding of GLBT people only to infuse the "love the sinner, hate the sin mentality.

"The actor says, "Do I agree with homosexuality? No, I'm a bible based young man. But I know the bible also speaks about homosexuality with liars, adulterers, thieves. I've lied, I've cheated on my wife, I've stolen so how can I judge somebody for something that's mentioned in the same exact scripture? I believe we're all sinners. We're all trying to make it but our hip-hop community are a bunch of hypocrites right now."

Excuse me Terrance, but I'm a little confused. Do you like the gays or are you just caught up in being politically correct? I guess you could have been brutually honest, but we all know what happend to Tim Hardaway when he said a little too much.

Regardless, from one bible based man to another I still think you're hot (for now) !


7 comments | Thursday, March 08, 2007

I've been so busy the past couple of days trying to finish up my next article for Clik Magazine that I haven't had the time to blog or watch the news, and I was accepting the fact that nothing new would be posted until early next week, that was before I received an e-mail and a very angry comment regarding the men of MIAKA from Houston, Texas.

These fraternity brothers who have taken it upon themselves to pattern their organization after the original women of Alpha Kappa Alpha have caused quite a bit of controversy in the past couple of weeks. Their pictures have been all over the internet and most recently on the nightly news in their hometown of Houston. The comment that was left by a reader on this site who calls herself "B", the irresponsible behavior of the men of MIAKA, and the negative reaction towards the gay community has caused me to respond to all of the lies and labels being placed on Black gay men because of this mess. I will respond to "B" first because sadly many uniformed people share her views.

"I think that what they are doing is disrespectful to any Fraternity or Sorority. I dont belong to a Sorority and I am sure that they are far more disgusted then I am. I cant beleive that they would subject our young black males to this....I dont have the words for what I feel for this. We have to make good impressions on our young black males and females, the males especially and to show them that being Gay is right is nothing but wrong. Our boys need a chance if they are going to grow up and turn into the mature men that love their BLACK WOMEN and take care of them and his family. Flaming men, that dont like women or what we stand for but yet and still they are mocking us. Lip gloss, make up, pink, pearls. I cant stand it. I heard this on the Steve Harvey show this morning and nearly lost my breakfast. I am not supportive of this and hope that it doesnt go any further then an idea. Dont they have to be approved to start such an organization???

There's three points that B attempted to make in her comment, (1) The men of MIAKA and Black gay men are wrongfully subjecting other young men to the "gay lifestyle". (2) Being gay is wrong. (3) We are all flaming men who don't like women but insist on mocking them.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, as a Black gay man I do not condone the actions of this group but this is NOT A GAY ISSUE and should not be argued as such, it is an issue of theft, unfortunately by men who happen to be homosexuals. Both sides can debate all day long the right and wrong of homosexuality, but at the end of the day nothing will be accomplished especially if biblical interpretation of scripture is apart of the dialogue. The thing that is so dangerous about this group is not that they have a desire to form an organization after a sorority that they obviously admire, it's that they give homophobes amunition to berate gay men of color.

The men of MIAKA do not represent every Black man who identifies as gay. It is not the goal of many in our community to steal the colors and traditions of Black sororities, truth be told we've been apart of the historically homophobic heterosexual fraternities for years and have even created our own inclusive organizations. We are not all flaming men and it baffles me that a few pictures of MIAKA and countless stereotypical images of gay men in the media would lead one to believe that we are all the same. We are quick to reject this belief about the Black race as a whole but it seems very convenient for those who sit in judgement of gays to accept this ridiculous ideal.

Contrary to popular opinion there are Black gay men who are living their lives honestly, who have families, who believe in God, and who hold Black women in the highest regard. I disagree with the belief that a man can only be considered a "real man" if there is a woman around and he's produced offspring to prove his manhood. It's time we redefine the qualifications needed to wear that badge of honor.

I'm extremely dissapointed in the men who are causing this scandal for not speaking up and defending their actions. Once again the media and straight folks are painting an inaccurate picture of who they think we are and MIAKA is sitting in silence. I challenge these brothas to show a real act of courage and step up and intelligently tell their side of the story, otherwise they'll be more hostility and more embarrassing new stories like the one below.


0 comments | Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Hey ! I'm on a deadline and I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to update the site. I'm hoping that I will be able to give you guys something new on Friday to carry you through the weekend...but don't hold me to it. Off to drink more coffee, write, and dodge sleep. Check back later.


0 comments | Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Nathan Seven Scott and Jared return with another episode of The & Show. On this episode the guys discuss gay marriage and whether or not marriage is important to Black gays and lesbians.

They both have very different feelings on the subject, but one thing they both agree on is the need to have couples who are in healthy relationships serve as role models for those of us who desire to have the same. Check out this great episode and be sure to send the guys your feedback at The&SHow@ gmail.com .


I came across this wonderful post on Dreams In A Fitted, the wonderful SGL blog by Shawn QT . I will not give you a run down on the post because it speaks for itself. Believe me when I say that I'm taking notes. Thanks Shawn!

Spring is coming, and you finally snagged you a cutie from the winter. It's only been a couple of months, maybe even a couple of weeks. For some of you Homos, you finally met dude in person from BGC! But Hey... you is feeling the shit out of this man! The First kiss was magical, the sex can't get more explosive, and you really want to make this last! ONE PROBLEM! For some cosmic reason, we all think that gay relationships don't last. You be lucky if you make it 3 months! Being in a gay relationship for a year is like 5 years in a heterosexual marriage! Hey people, I don't make the rules... I just break them!

Fuzzy and I will be coming up on our One Year Anniversary next week!


Everyone should GET a MAN and KEEP a MAN!
Repeat after me...GET A MAN, KEEP A MAN!


Kissing is the most important part of a relationship. It is the first intimate interacting between two dudes. If you have a hang up over kissing, get over it. There is nothing like two passionate brothas locking lips! Hot! If you have luscious plump lips, you got an edge, but kissing isn't always physical. Kissing is very much a mind game. You prepare for that moment with the locking of eye, the touching of their body, and that soft sexy tone to your voice. You have to time it just right... and if you’re in the right setting and mode, RAINBOW FIREWORKS FOR EVERYONE, YEAH! But beware, if you bite, spit, cough, sneeze, give to much tongue, or have bad breath, take 6 months off your relationship. Yes it’s that serious!

Sex is good... hell, sex is great! It is invisible line between a lover and friend. Mixing that shit together only leads to confusion. It's cute to have a Fuckbuddy or friend with benefits when you’re in your early 20's, but as we get older, can we progress above that, THANKS! I'm not one for labels, but the bottom line is, somebody has to get fucked! Let me not be so harsh... making love involves two people who know who they are sexually, and they mesh well with one another. LOVE is compromising, and especially in the bed! Being Versatile is a relationship heaven, but most of us can't hit Cloud Nine like that, so... you have to bear the pain, to keep your man. Think of it as a sacrifice, Jesus did it for your sins! Don't we all want to be like Jesus!

There's nothing like saying I love you, like saying I'm Negative! Why be with someone for a year and not know their status? Finding out your positive after a couple of months, can bring and end to a relationship. If you find out your positive early on, he may still be willing to date you. Now that's love! This way, you can both be protective and ready when a hot moment arises! Being Negative Together will make your year a Positive one! And, don't forget that magnum, you guys have only been dating for a year, shit still can happen!

Let me put it to you this way. If you want to go to the museum and learn about Egyptian Art, and all he wants to do is sit on the coach and watch "I Love You New York." TELL HIM TO GROW UP! Your trying to enhance you man's lazy life, get it together! If you got some problems, and your man gives you some advice and tells you about yourself... GROW UP! Listen to what he has to say! Most important, grow up together. Go to church; learn about positive affirmations, read a spiritual book. Bake a cake, go to the gym, and take a trip to Jamaica. Through these experiences you learn and grow, not just for you, but him as well. Life is not all about eating and fucking... there is a whole world out there! Every relationship is all about how you can grow as a person, if your not UPGRADING, neither will you two together.

and finally...

“When we laugh, natural killer cells which destroy tumors and viruses increase, along with Gamma-interferon (a disease-fighting protein), T-cells (important for our immune system) and B-cells (which make disease-fighting antibodies). As well as lowering blood pressure, laughter increases oxygen in the blood, which also encourages healing.” "Science of Laughter” Discovery Health Website

If you laugh with your man, you both will live a year longer to be with each other. With all the stresses of the world, you need someone that can laugh with you the mishaps of life. When having sex, its great to be romantic & passionate, but also make it fun! Role-play, play cops & robbers, be the toilet repairman ready to plunge something, or what ever kinky mess you gays get into. Make silly faces, throw food at each other, do the Beyonce Booty Bounce, do anything to keep you guys entertained and laughing all night! Nobody wants to be with a boring brotha. You and your man go ahead and streak naked in the street that will make the relationship last, and give the gays something to talk about!


0 comments | Sunday, March 04, 2007

Just the mention of the phrase "The Down Low" conjurs up so many different emotions for me, from exhaustion, sympathy, frustration, to anger. It was these feelings that caused me to write this post that was eventually read by Courtney Baker-Oliver, director of the musical stage play The Truth(About The Down Low) .

Since J.L. King's explosive appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show this phenomenon has further villified Black gay men as predators and the number one cause of new HIV infections among Black women. So to be honest I'd heard enough about the DL because all of the discussions were the same, but that was until I spoke to Courtney.

I love surrouding myself with passionate people and Courtney's passion for GLBT issues, eradicating homophobia, and debunking the myths around the DL are at the core of the brilliance of The Truth(About The Down Low).

The show opened to critical-acclaim on Memorial Day in Washington, D.C. in 2005. After the initial success the show ran for a three week sold out run in December of the same year.

The story is centered around the Sutton family. Olivia Sutton, a forty-five year old Christian mother of two is facing the empty nest syndrome as her two children plan lives of their own. Olivia's younger child is 18 year old Chris, a senior in high school and a local football hero. Her daughter, Tiffany has just finished grad school and the family has gathered for her homecoming as the play begins. Tiffany's new boyfriend, Donnie Harrison, a pro athlete turned physical therapist accompanies her on the trip.

Meanwhile, Christopher Sutton is an all star player and the apple of his mother's eye. His best friend, AJ has been his constant companion since childhood and only AJ knows the secret that threatens to destroy the golden boy image Chris and his family have carefully crafted for him. Chris and AJ have been 'fooling around' in secret for years.

While many people will agree that the lies, deception, and hurt that is caused by a brother living on the DL is detrimental to all those involved, very rarely do we have conversations that examines what leads a person down the destructive path of down low living.

Audiences may not leave the theater condoning DL behavior, but they definitely gain insight into the complexity of a person who's afraid to live his life authentically. And for the first time onstage we see a strong Black gay character who is honest about who he is in the character AJ. In a scene between he and his boyfriend Christopher, who is wrestling with his sexuality, AJ tells him "to do what makes you breathe". I've decided to make this my theme for the year.

Steven A. Butler Jr. does an incredible job of writing the book, he manages to weave a complex story into an entertaining and informative theatrical experience. But it's the talented cast of actors that really makes the play soar. They each bring a vulnerability and realness to their roles that forces you to care about the plight of each character.

One of my favorite moments from the show is a scene titled Definition of a Faggot. In this scene AJ asserts his manhood and causes Christopher to re-think his definition of the word. You can view it here .

I think The Truth(About The Down Low) is a play everyone should see. I believe it's not enough to simply produce art, but it's imperative to produce art that will transform lives. This play could potentially be the beginning of a dialogue that cultivates understanding, truth and most of all defies stereotypes.

If you or someone you know would be interested in bringing The Truth to your town please contact Courtney Baker-Oliver at courtney@restorationstage.com .