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8 comments | Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I've been asked by people on many different occasions and even by relatives why I would choose to be both black and gay in America, sometimes I even ask myself if life would be easier if I had been granted the heterosexual privilege.

I would probably be in Alabama with multiple degrees, a wife, children, 2 cars, a house, a dog, and a closet filled with secrets.

I knew by the time I reached second grade that I was "different", and at the time I didn't even know what being gay meant, but I knew I couldn't speak about my feelings.

Throughout grade school I had my share of harrasment, bullying, self esteem issues, and suicidal thoughts. I even experienced "puppy love" and did exactly what was expected of me until keeping up the facade of being heterosexual proved to be more than I could bare.

Once I came out at 16 to my mother and my sister, the once close relationship I shared with two of the most important women in my life became almost non existent. They would ask me, "Darian why would you want to go and be gay? You're a black man and life is already hard enough, this is just another strike against you.

What my mother and sister didn't realize is that I didn't choose to be gay I was chosen. Now that I'm older I understand the fear they experienced when I came out, our world is not kind to minorities and if you're gay or lesbian you're considered subhuman.

I don't know of any person alive that would choose to welcome rejection, spiritual attacks, violence, death, and being denied the rights and privileges that are taken for granted everyday by straight Americans.

If you think those are things I decided to include into my everyday routine in the second grade you're wrong. But what I did decide to do was walk in truth even when it hurt. If I've ever exerted courage it was at that moment.

Over the past 3 years I've watched my SGL brothas and sistas get bashed, shot, dismembered, stabbed, and left for dead . This all happened right here in America and with little to no news coverage.

Our lives matter. Our BLACK, GAY, SAME GENDER LOVING LIVES MATTER. The level of hate in this country from people who cave into homophobia from lacking the understanding of people who are different has reached an all time high.

That could have been any of us whose body parts were dismembered and stuffed into garbage bags found all over New York City, or beaten in a park and chased into speeding traffic to be hit and left for dead.

Years later we're still feeling the stings of slavery and Jim Crow. Racism is not only projected onto us by the "man" but can be found in the way we deal with each other as black people. The HIV/AIDS epedimic, the black community's silence about the issue, homophobia in churches across the country, and you ask me why I chose to be gay?

Doesn't it sound like an orientation anybody would choose?


<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

You didn't choose this lifestyle, the lifestyle came after you. If that is the case, do what the bible tell us to do, resist the devil and he will flee.

October 12, 2006 11:03 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

thanks for this post Darian, i believe we need to be reminded every so often as to what it means to be Gay and that it is not something we chose to be. also the oprah clip was great i remember that show, its amazing how ignorant people CHOOSE to be.

October 12, 2006 1:02 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Darian, it's been such a pleasure to be introduced to your blog over the past two days! You've gained another loyal reader. Byyyy the way, my nickname in some circles is B.C.Harpo, because of my love for Oprah Winfrey! I've literally been watching her show since I was born, and I do need to finish up the DVD set my mom bought me for Christmas.

Anyway, I think you and I have a lot in common. See ya at work!

October 12, 2006 2:37 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

man, i want to print this out and hand it out to everybody who has asked, or will ask, "Why did u choose to be gay?".

You hit it right on the head by saying that you were chosen to be gay.

And ooohhhh I want to start something with the captain for that lil tidbit of information!!!!! but I'll digress. Ok I lied....

I tried "resist the devil" and denied my sexuality (or any sexuality for that matter) for YEARS, and all I ended up being was frustrated, emotionally isolated, reclusive, unhappy, and spritually disconnected. So I think you got the Bible twisted on that one partner. I'm not sayin' I'm just sayin'...

October 12, 2006 3:31 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...


The pictures, words, then oprah. YESSS BITCH WORK. (LOL and yes to those hairstyles. LOL) I so need that 20 year DVD in my life.

There is something about Emmett Till's story that always just MOVES me so deeply. (It reminds me of this poem nikki Giovanni wrote about him.)

Ignore the captain, it's futile to just yell back. I did and it hurt my head. He's one of those people who you just shake your head at and say, "you're right," patronizingly.


October 12, 2006 3:58 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...


October 12, 2006 7:59 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

darian...you better go in bitch...
they say "only the shallow know themselves." if that is the case, then eternity has a great gift in store for you...the unveiling of you!

i appreciate you and when i grow up i want to be just like you...deep and wide...lol!

and i mean that in the best way possible :o)


October 12, 2006 8:54 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

POWERFUL. Nice post!

October 13, 2006 4:30 PM


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