Living Out Loud with Darian

This post was taken with permission from the blog of Adam Irby. After reading it and being able to relate to it on so many different levels, I thought it was a piece that should be shared with as many people as possible, so I'm posting it here. Adam is a wonderful writer and his blog is one of my favorites. Make sure you send him some love.


from ABenjaminIrby.com

What's the one thing every gay man is most afraid of?

Is it getting fat? Nope. But it's a good guess. Is it dying and going to hell? Nope. Well, I guess, for the church queens, but as a whole, no. Is it "the big disease with a little name"? Nope. Yes I said "nope," you heard me. Considering the statistics and our actions as a whole, as a community we obviously aren't all that afraid of it. Not to discount it at all but our collective actions toward it do not illustrate that we are all that fearful. So what is it you ask, what strikes fear in the hearts of all gay men? Growing old and alone.

A gay man once told me that the gay life is a lonely life. So many of us in this world, gay without our permission, born into this world, feeling flawed, look at straight people and all the opportunities they have to come together and start a family and at all the encouragement society as a whole gives them as opposed to all the discouragement and abuse society gives us.

Not to mention the way we fuck each other over. He fucked you over so you fuck over the next one and that next one fucks somebody over who you end up meeting at a club and ends up fucking you over and at the end of he day it's like what the fuck? When does it all fucking end? Can two man ever just fucking be together and be happy without all the fucking bullshit?

This is the thing, we're all wounded, wounded and scared. It's hard growing up gay in this world. More than likely our parents and other relatives don't understand us or were abusive to us. We were made fun of in school, we lived double lives, etc., etc. We all have our own emotional baggage to deal with. We put up defenses and walls to shield our all too oft broken hearts from more pain. We do it to protect ourselves but in the process we push anyone else away. As a result we're snappy, we're rude, we're fierce, we're cynical, we're jaded, 'we've created a fuck or be fucked, fuck that 'cuz I'ma get mine' world for ourselves and yet the better part of us still expects to be happy. Even if someone means us well we don't believe it because we're simply not used to it.

So what are we gonna do about it? Actually, I can't tell you what to do. As I haven't done it myself yet. The question is what am I gonna do about it? The last few weeks have been really introspective for me. I've been looking inside, seeing what makes me tick, seeing why my relationships don't work. Let's have a look at my patterns:

ADAM'S RELATIONSHIP PATTERN:
This is so fucking embarrassing by the way, but I think this is a good exercise you should do for yourself in the privacy of your own home and not necessarily for the whole world to see like I have here. Remember, we can rationalize our way out of thinking that we have a problem as long as we only let it live in our heads. But once we put it on paper it's not as easy to deny. Here we go:

- Adam meets a guy.
- Adam is attracted to the guy.
- Adam does whatever he can to sleep with the guy.
- Adam sleeps with the guy and if he doesn't get to sleep with the guy he usually becomes disinterested in the guy altogether.
- Now Adam has feelings for the guy.
- Adam as usual feels a little more for the guy than the guy feels for him.
- Adam is now scared. These are the things Adam is scared of:

- Adam is scared to show too much emotion to the guy because he's afraid that he won't get it back and that will make him feel invalidated.
- Adam is scared whenever he calls or texts and does not receive a call or text back within the hour that maybe he's doing too much and the guy is over him.
- Adam has a perpetual underlying fear that the guy will just stop calling or corresponding altogether out of the blue because it's happened to him a few times in the past and it hurt... A LOT!
- Adam knows that he has done some triflin' ass shyt in the past and is always waiting for the proverbial ax to fall.

- Adam as a result of Adam's fear of being abandoned again is torn between wanting to outpour the feelings he's feeling to the guy or to be guarded and aloof (which he's really not but only is now as a result of being hurt so many times before) in an attempt to ready himself just in case this guy abandons him.
- Adam wonders why can't he ever find a guy who likes him as equally as he likes the guy.
- Adam has actually found people like that in the past but somehow to him it just doesn't seem real so he doesn't trust it or it may actually be real but if Adam is not physically and sexually attracted to the guy then it doesn't matter to him anyway.
- Adam does more and more to get the guy to like him and validate him but the guy never really gives Adam the pat on the back that he craves.
- Adam starts to get annoyed at the fact the that he goes all out of the way for the guy and he's still not getting the validation he wants. Mind you the guy never asked for all of this sacrifice from Adam.
- Adam is frustrated, at the end of his rope and ready to break things off but he doesn't want to be alone.
- Adam passively seeks out someone else to get with as insurance as he feels that him and this guy are about to be over.
- Adam snaps and breaks things off because the guy committed a minor offense against him that most people probably would have just dealt with or ignored but not Adam, he's way too hypersensitive to invalidation and is hurt by even the smallest, most insignificant slight at this point.
- Adam is alone again and moves in closer on the new guy.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. This is my relationship cycle in black and white. Dayum I sound crazy as hell. I don't feel too bad though cuz most of y'all bitches is crazy too. I've dated some of you. Like I said I don't have an answer yet. I know that it's definitely me who needs work but then again with all my emotional baggage flung across my shoulder I could be attracting the wrong type of men as well. I will look at this and look at my current dating situation and figure out exactly where I am on the cycle and figure out the best way to break the chain because I'm so tired of going through the same shyt over and over again. And I sure as hell do not wanna end up old and alone.

Like I always say "knowing is half the battle." Now that I have admitted publicly that I don't have it all together I can take steps toward trying to put me together. Like I said before I'm wounded, so before I can be a part of a successful relationship I have to love myself enough to heal me first so I can have something to give to someone else. So cliche, but nevertheless so true.

Labels: Sexuality

I couldn't think of a tiltle for this post so I'm giving you the creative task of naming it for me. I have thousands of pictures I've collected over the years stored in my iPhoto library on my computer, some of which I don't even remember where I got them from or who shot the photo. That's the magic of owning a MAC, you just click and drag baby!

So before all of you angry photographers send me an e-mail asking why I didn't give you credit for your work it's probably because I'm unaware of who shot the photo at this point. But let me just say that I love and respect your craft(otherwise your photo wouldn't be showcased here) and I'm all about giving credit where credit is due. So take a moment and get into these pics, they are some of my favorites and there's also one in there that's making it's LOLDARIAN premiere. Can you guess which one?

Labels: Sexuality

It's been a minute since I've done some much needed venting on my blog, but as I was reading a few LGBT articles that were sent to me by various people I began to notice a couple of words that they all shared that made me want to cringe, "lifestyle" and "lover". Allow me to tackle each word seperately because I have major issues with both and how they're often used negatively towards same gender loving people.

How many times have you heard the opposition say "I don't hate gay people I just don't approve of their lifestyle" ? Or this one,"I just don't understand why the gays want to subject everyone to their lifestyle, they made their choice but I shouldn't have to see it" ? Will somebody please tell me what the gay lifestyle is? The last time I checked my life was just as boring as the average heterosexual with the exception of who I sleep with...wait it's probably even more boring because I'm only sleeping with one person. I don't know if I've been extremely moody lately or just more aware of my surroundings because everywhere I go I see tons of PDA(public display of affection) from heterosexuals and it makes me want to walk up to them and tell them to get a room! The double standard that exists pisses me off! I'm subjected to simulated hetero sex all day long but if a gay couple decides to do the same then they're accused of "flaunting" their sexuality.

I've even heard other gay men use the word "lifestyle" to describe what they do. I believe their is so much shame wrapped up in that word when it's being placed on gay people that I refuse to use it to describe any aspect of my life or my behavior.

It's almost just as bad as that other word...lover, yeah that one. Again maybe it's just me, but this word makes me want to pull out the hair I don't have! I never heard my father or mother address each other as lovers or any other couple I grew up around. Lover sounds purely sexual. So is that all our relationships are about, the sexual aspect? Absolutely not. I just think when that word is used by straights or gays it demeans the relationship between the two people involved.

This post was not written to influence anyone to stop using these words if they choose too, but rather to verbalize my own thoughts about two words that always seem to provoke a neagtive reaction from me. The life I lead is one that is authentic, Christ centered, and free from shame, and doesn't deserve to have a label rooted in hostility attached to it. And yes my boyfriend loves me, but he's not my lover. Because if sex is all we have to keep us together then we might as well call it quits now, his love reaches beyond the physical. So I reject those two words and opt for something more meaningful that's a true representation of my life.

Labels: Sexuality

The lives of LGBT people have been explored quite a few times recently in the media, from 20/20's story on transgender children, to the MSNBC special "Born In The Wrong Body", to the handful of victories across the nation for marriage equality, it seems Americans are more comfortable with images of LGBT people entering their homes and their lives.

Unlike years ago we have at least come to a place where we can talk about our differences openly with hopes of learning from each other. I'm often asked if I had the opportunity to become straight would I change my orientation and the answer to that question is no.

60 Minutes is currently running a story exclusively online on the origins of sexual orientation. The study even examines the differences in brain structure, mannerisms, and speech patterns between heterosexual and homosexual individuals, with all signs leading to nature over nurture. I've written about whether or not I think homosexuality is a choice before and it still baffles me when I hear heterosexuals boldly proclaim that it's a choice that can be easily undone without giving it a second thought. I'm still waiting for a hetero to tell me the day and time they chose to become straight...it hasn't happened yet. Truth be told (at least as I see it) your sexual orientation is indigenous to who you are.

This couldn't be more evident than in the case of nine year olds Jared and Adam, two paternal twins who couldn't be any more different. While Jared finds pleasure in his G.I. Joe collection his brother Adam paints his nails and collects Barbies. When Adam's mom was asked why she didn't do anything to change her son's behavior she replied, " I could have changed Adam on the outside and he may have shown me the macho boy I wanted him to be, but that wouldn't have changed him on the inside and I think that would have damaged him a lot more".

When Adam was asked if he was proud of the person he is today he responded by shaking his head yes as the most innocent and loving smile appeared on his face. Adam's attraction to the things that are deemed appropriate for the opposite sex is just as natural to him as his brother Jared's affection for his G.I. Joe collection. It saddens me that Adam may not gain the acceptance from the rest of the world as he matures that he does from his family. If only adults could love more and judge less the world would be a much nicer place.

Labels: People, Sexuality

In light of the recent discussions about pornography and promiscuity I feel very pressed to weigh in on the discussion from a spiritual perspective. For the LGBT community there is great skepticism about the relevance of the Bible and its teaching on sex and sexuality. This debate is destroying individuals, families, local churches, and national denominations. Putting the debate aside I want to ask if there is relevant instruction for people about how we govern our bodies?

What does God say to the believer about our body and our relationship with Him? Ask yourself. Is my sexual expression a reflection of the plan and purpose of God for life? When God sees what I do privately is He pleased?

1 Corinthian 6:15 tells us that our bodies are members of Christ. Verses 19 and 20 go a little further and say “Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you and which ye have from God, and that ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

I want to encourage everyone who is reading this post. Your sexual desire does not have to be control force in your life. You do not have to allow the counterfeit images of pornography to be your dream and your fantasy. Promiscuity does not have to be your identity. The purpose of God for all of our lives goes far beyond sex. I speak to every gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans-gendered person reading this blog. I know messages of guilt and condemnation are what you have heard most often. But I say to you today that God wants to express Himself through you. He loves you and has a plan for your life. I know you have been hurt. I know you have been kicked. But the love of God is greater than every gay-basher. Look past every obstacle and see your savior, paying the price for you. I heard a preacher say, “Jesus was hung-up for my hang-ups.” Paul said it best in Galatians 2:20. “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”


In the words of Jesus, our savior, as He hang dying on the Cross, IT IS FINISHED.

Love you

Email Albert: albertrlee@hotmail.com
Myspace

Labels: Religion, Sexuality, Spirituality

Over the past few days it has been almost impossible to escape the controversy surrounding the men of Coco Dorm . We all thought the troubled Flavaworks company that produces the Coco Dorm series had cleaned up it's act after allegations of models participating in unsafe sex and charges of embezzlement at the hands of the company's CEO Phillip Bleicher . That was until a shocking news story appeared on NBC6 in Miami that stirred up the controversy all over again.

Black LGBT bloggers Bernard Tarver, Jasmyne Cannick , C. Baptiste Williams , Keith Boykin , and myself all covered the story on our blogs and almost immediately found ourselves in the middle of a war that threatened to divide our community.

Everyone seemed to have an opinion on this story, bloggers were typing away, message boards were being flooded with comments, the Coco Dorm staff even had Bernard Tarver's blog shutdown in an attempt to "keep the fire from turning into an inferno."

It seems all of the usual LGBT leaders had a response and those within the community were aggresively voicing their support of the models or their disgust with the entire operation. But no one had heard anything from Philip Bleicher or the men involved in this salacious scandal...until now.

Instead of continuing to be on the outside looking in I decided to go directly to the source. This morning I spent an hour talking to Coco Dorm manager and model Alex Flex. In my exclusive unedited interview Alex gets a chance to tell his side of the story, the side of the story he says was left out of the NBC6 broadcast that ushered this scandal back into the spotlight.

Listen to it for yourself and then draw your own conclusion. It's definitely an eye-opener! Click here to listen to the full interview.

*Pictures courtesy of Alex Flex
*Text on all photos by Alex Flex

Labels: Sexuality

In the wake of the latest Coco Dorm controversy and a recent outing to see the sexually driven film Boy Culture (which is excellent by the way), I've been pondering over the widely held belief that all gay men are promiscuous. You've heard people say before that being gay is all about sex and that gay men cannot maintain long -lasting relationships. I've found myself in the middle of many heated debates on this topic and my belief is that all men regardless of their sexual orientation are built with a strong apetite for sex, and unlike most women they are capable of performing the act without being emotionally involved.

So to say that all gay men are promiscious is an unfair generalization. How many of us have straight male friends who are constantly competing to see how many women they've slept with; as if they're going to get a trophy for being in the triple digits? This behavior is not only condoned in many circles but it is considered an example of true masculinity.

I can only speak for myself, but the drought I've been going through the past couple of months alone proves this theory to be false. I personally respect myself enough not to share my body with complete strangers. I'm not professing to be an angel because God knows when I first landed in New York City in the late 90's I did some things I'm not proud of now. But when you know better you do better.

You would think that the reality of HIV/AIDS and it's impact on the world would be enough to curb the need for unprotected sex but that's not the case. People have been having sex since the beginning of time and 25 years after the start of the epidemic we're not slowing down. I believe that anyone who engages in sexual intercourse should be mature enough to use a condom and ask the important questions that could affect their health, and if they're unable to do those two things they shouldn't be having sex at all.

Much of the hype around gay promiscuity has been the platform of the religious right. They've used it to invoke fear and divide people who are uninformed, knowing they will accept anything from clergy as fact. So many of us are trained to accept what we're taught and not dare ask questions. Sounds like a form of brainwashing to me.

The belief that gay men are more promiscious than any other group is just ridiculous. Can we just tell the truth and say men are promiscious, it has nothing to do with their sexual preference. But why would we want to separate the two when it's become a recreational sport for some to demonize gay men?

Labels: People, Sexuality

So I wasn't planning on posting anything new today, but after catching the CNN special "What is A Christian ?" I had to put in my two cents. Anderson Cooper (how ironic ) hosted the special and led viewers into the Love Won Out conference by Exodus International. I've written about the Ex-gay movement before so I won't blow off any more steam right now. These conferences are based on lies and are extremely misleading and destructive for all involved.

One family flew from San Diego to the conference to have their gay son cured, and the father was told the reason why his son was gay was as a result of his poor parenting skills. Can you believe this bs?

The highlight of the show for me was Anderson's interview with homophobe Rev. Ken Hutcherson. In a weird way Hutcherson stated that the only requirement to enter heaven was to accept Christ as your personal saviour. Not once did he say being gay or lesbian would revoke your pass into the pearly gates. I think this was his attempt to appear Christ-like, but we know the truth.

I hope to share some video footage of the CNN special for all of you who missed it. But until then, check out this clip from The Montel Williams show of a gay man named Peterson. He endured 3 exorcisms, a failed marriage, and conversion therapy at Exodus conferences and is now living his life as an openly gay man. His story is powerful and real.

Labels: Sexuality

No pun intended. It's Wednesday, only 2 more days before the weekend begins. It's been a while since I've posted some good ole' eye candy, so today is the day. You''ll be happy to know that I kicked my down low brotha to the curb. Did you really think I was going to let him take me through? Come on now.

So I'm taking applications again. You don't have to look like the brothers in the pics, but it wouldn't hurt. Enjoy !

Labels: Sexuality

Cool Slideshows

Keston Karter may not be a household name yet, but I have a strong feeling that it will only be a matter of time before this beautiful man becomes the object of affection for thousands of people.

A native of Trinidad and Tobago, Keston moved to New York City at the age of four and quickly developed a passion for acting and modeling. The latter cuaght my attention as I was browsing through the new issue of Clik Magazine and nearly had a heart attack upon seeing his photos.

According to Clik editor-in-chief Dwight Powell, Keston does not "play on our side of the fence". Damn! I guess we can't have them all. But since the possibility of having the real Keston Karter show up at your front door is next to impossible, he's created an amazing calendar with flawless photographs to soften the blow(no pun intended).

12 months of Keston Karter for only $16.50 . My birthday is on April 16th and I know what I'm adding to my wish list. Check out Keston's personal website and his myspace page at the links provided above, and oh...close your mouth, you're drooling!

Labels: Sexuality

I came across this wonderful post on Dreams In A Fitted, the wonderful SGL blog by Shawn QT . I will not give you a run down on the post because it speaks for itself. Believe me when I say that I'm taking notes. Thanks Shawn!

Spring is coming, and you finally snagged you a cutie from the winter. It's only been a couple of months, maybe even a couple of weeks. For some of you Homos, you finally met dude in person from BGC! But Hey... you is feeling the shit out of this man! The First kiss was magical, the sex can't get more explosive, and you really want to make this last! ONE PROBLEM! For some cosmic reason, we all think that gay relationships don't last. You be lucky if you make it 3 months! Being in a gay relationship for a year is like 5 years in a heterosexual marriage! Hey people, I don't make the rules... I just break them!

Fuzzy and I will be coming up on our One Year Anniversary next week!

[Applause]

Everyone should GET a MAN and KEEP a MAN!
Repeat after me...GET A MAN, KEEP A MAN!

ALL RIGHT, here we go. Here are 5 TIPS TO KEEP YOUR MAN FOR A YEAR!

1. KEEP THEM LIPS HOT!
Kissing is the most important part of a relationship. It is the first intimate interacting between two dudes. If you have a hang up over kissing, get over it. There is nothing like two passionate brothas locking lips! Hot! If you have luscious plump lips, you got an edge, but kissing isn't always physical. Kissing is very much a mind game. You prepare for that moment with the locking of eye, the touching of their body, and that soft sexy tone to your voice. You have to time it just right... and if you’re in the right setting and mode, RAINBOW FIREWORKS FOR EVERYONE, YEAH! But beware, if you bite, spit, cough, sneeze, give to much tongue, or have bad breath, take 6 months off your relationship. Yes it’s that serious!

2. KNOW YOUR ROLE!
Sex is good... hell, sex is great! It is invisible line between a lover and friend. Mixing that shit together only leads to confusion. It's cute to have a Fuckbuddy or friend with benefits when you’re in your early 20's, but as we get older, can we progress above that, THANKS! I'm not one for labels, but the bottom line is, somebody has to get fucked! Let me not be so harsh... making love involves two people who know who they are sexually, and they mesh well with one another. LOVE is compromising, and especially in the bed! Being Versatile is a relationship heaven, but most of us can't hit Cloud Nine like that, so... you have to bear the pain, to keep your man. Think of it as a sacrifice, Jesus did it for your sins! Don't we all want to be like Jesus!

3. GET TESTED!
There's nothing like saying I love you, like saying I'm Negative! Why be with someone for a year and not know their status? Finding out your positive after a couple of months, can bring and end to a relationship. If you find out your positive early on, he may still be willing to date you. Now that's love! This way, you can both be protective and ready when a hot moment arises! Being Negative Together will make your year a Positive one! And, don't forget that magnum, you guys have only been dating for a year, shit still can happen!

4. GROW UP TOGETHER!
Let me put it to you this way. If you want to go to the museum and learn about Egyptian Art, and all he wants to do is sit on the coach and watch "I Love You New York." TELL HIM TO GROW UP! Your trying to enhance you man's lazy life, get it together! If you got some problems, and your man gives you some advice and tells you about yourself... GROW UP! Listen to what he has to say! Most important, grow up together. Go to church; learn about positive affirmations, read a spiritual book. Bake a cake, go to the gym, and take a trip to Jamaica. Through these experiences you learn and grow, not just for you, but him as well. Life is not all about eating and fucking... there is a whole world out there! Every relationship is all about how you can grow as a person, if your not UPGRADING, neither will you two together.

and finally...

5. LAUGH & HAVE FUN!
“When we laugh, natural killer cells which destroy tumors and viruses increase, along with Gamma-interferon (a disease-fighting protein), T-cells (important for our immune system) and B-cells (which make disease-fighting antibodies). As well as lowering blood pressure, laughter increases oxygen in the blood, which also encourages healing.” "Science of Laughter” Discovery Health Website

If you laugh with your man, you both will live a year longer to be with each other. With all the stresses of the world, you need someone that can laugh with you the mishaps of life. When having sex, its great to be romantic & passionate, but also make it fun! Role-play, play cops & robbers, be the toilet repairman ready to plunge something, or what ever kinky mess you gays get into. Make silly faces, throw food at each other, do the Beyonce Booty Bounce, do anything to keep you guys entertained and laughing all night! Nobody wants to be with a boring brotha. You and your man go ahead and streak naked in the street that will make the relationship last, and give the gays something to talk about!

Labels: Sexuality

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a new friend, dare I say "love interest"(more on that later) that brought up a lot of questions concerning the lack of actual human interaction with the invention of text messaging, instant messaging, and chat rooms.This is what he had to say:

I live in a city full of intelligent, fine (sometimes at the same time) Black men. Why can’t we just walk up and introduce ourselves to each other? Why does it seem that I am missing out on “meeting” people when I’m NOT spending hours sitting in front of an inanimate, electronic box? Is it because everyone else seems to be sitting in front of them, and God forbid I break the rules and just try to walk up to a stranger in a supermarket and talk to him (before meeting him online), because then I’m just some desperate, crazy guy. Who elected the computer the modern intermediary for human contact? -Anonymous( for now)

My friends tell me that I'm obsessed with my computer and I would have to partially agree with them. My excuse is that I work in technology so it's my job to be online as much as I am. One thing I can honestly say I don't do is visit gay hookup sites. I made that mistake 2 years ago and I met him there. Ask any of my close friends and they'll tell you that I think Adam4Adam is spun from Satan.

I'm guilty of avoiding(sometimes unintentionally) having a real conversation over the phone and opting to text instead. I'm learning that this form of communication is highly impersonal, especially if the person on the receiving end is someone that you really want to develop a relationship with. Has technology weakened our ability to socialize with others?

I'm at the point in my life where I want to be in a serious relationship and God knows I have a huge pool of beautiful SGL men to choose from in Atlanta, but I'm picky. So what's a single man to do in HotLanta? I don't do the clubs and I don't cruise Adam4Adam, and I turn into this shy person who I don't know when I'm around someone I'm attracted to.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll text him, because that's what we've been doing for weeks now. I know it's silly and I know you probably can't believe that I actually have moments when I'm at a loss for words, but that's exactly what happens.

I guess it so much easier to hide behind a computer screen or a blackberry, you definitely don't have to worry about being hurt. If one profile rejects you then you just move on to the next one. One thing is for sure, my computer won't kiss me in the morning, dry my tears when I'm sad or tell me how much it loves me, I need him in my life to do that. And if he approached me in the supermarket I would still think he's crazy, crazy for not stopping the text messages sooner.

Labels: Sexuality

Since J.L. King's controversial appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show and the release of his best selling book "On The Down Low", this old but new phenomenon has taken center stage in homes, churches, and social gatherings across America.

One man's attempt to gain wealth from publicly disclosing the lies, infidelity and sexual denial he experienced during his relationship with his wife and male lover(s) has villified Black gay men and left us to defend our character.

There are very few venues where a discussion about the down low has taken place when Black men weren't portrayed as lying, deceitful, HIV carrying, cruel individuals.

I'm aware that there is a small percentage of men who take pride in identifying themselves as being on the DL, but what about the brothas who are living their lives honestly? Why is it that our stories are not being heard? J.L. King can sit on Oprah's couch but Keith Boykin has yet to receive an invitation, something is obviously wrong with this picture.

I've personally had about all I can take of the whole DL phenomenon. It's being talked about in books, music, movies and television shows. I'm genuinely excited about filmakers Deondray Gossett and Quincy Linear's opportunity to present The DL Chronicles on the HERE network, but it's bittersweet after the cancellation of Noah's Arc. As a Black gay man who is out, I personally don't want the world to attach my existence to anything with the term DL.

It's overblown and has given our opposition the ammunition needed to attack our community. In "Straight Up" a book written in response to J.L. King , Rev. Michael A. Stevens picks up where J.L. left off but uses religion as his form of attack. Jasmyne Cannick deals with him here .

Today I am officially sick of hearing about the DL and those men who are so masculine, but obviously not man enough to be honest with themselves and their partners. If I had one wish for today it would be to erase the moment J.L. King's book went into print and all of the drama that followed. One can only wish.

Labels: Sexuality

Ok, so how often do you see beautiful images like these on television or in mainstream publications? Not very often. For some strange reason Hollywood would rather shove T&A in our faces than images of beautiful men of color.

Today on my blogspot I would like to take a little time to recognize a few of the beautiful black men that have put a smile on my face lately( figuratively speaking...watch it! lol). These pics are from my personal iPhoto library. Hopefully they will get your Monday off to a great start. I'm definitely wide awake!

Labels: Sexuality

Every now and then I break my self imposed rule of visiting the adult site MANDIVA.COM of only once a month. If you're not familiar with the site then you might be asking yourself why would I limit my visits, honestly when I look at the content on this page I get weak ! Go look for yourself.

So it was very surprising when I logged on and read that the Alabama creator of Mandiva was being threatened with legal action from the manager of Christian Keyes.


So who is Christian Keyes? According to his website he is an experienced actor, singer and songwriter standing over 6 feet and weighing 205 pounds. His debut album Day by Day is scheduled for release in August on his own label. He's also had roles in Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail and in the film version of Diary of A Mad Black Woman.

If you're like me and have seen both of these productions you probably still wouldn't recognize Mr. Keyes. However, if you read a variety of gay blogs or have taken off those annoying ass flyers from your windshield at the club, I'm sure you've seen countless photos of him shirtless and serving up a ton of sex appeal.

From the tone of his manager's e-mail to Mandiva it's clear that Christian's sexuality is in question and his camp is not happy about it all. On his myspace page he states, "Ladies, I am straight and single. I am not homophobic, and I respect everybody and their choices, but I DO NOT DATE MEN.

Now I don't know Mr. Keyes so I don't want to speculate about his sexuality, but I can say that I usually know a gay man when I see one and hanging with Tyler Perry doesn't exactly make you look overtly masculine, since we all know how "straight" he is. Have you guys noticed that Tyler always has a hot male lead or two in all of his productions? I digress.

One Mandiva reader left a comment that summed up this entire ridiculous stunt by Keyes' manager.



I have a question that I'm pretty sure I already know the answer too but I'm going to ask anyway. Hypothetically speaking, if Christian Keyes were openly gay and launched a career as a solo artist would it be considered career suicide in 2007?
Damn is it career suicide for me to post this? I'm sure his manager will be coming after me next! LOL!

Labels: Sexuality

The year was 1996, I had just read Keith Boykin's One More River To Cross and in May of this year I would come out to my family. I was longing to surround myself with people who shared similar life experiences and I was searching tirelessly for television content that represented who I was and the man I was becoming. Noah's Arc, DL Chronicles, Brother to Brother, or the LOGO Network were not even a figment of their creators imagination at the time.

But there was talk of a video by Meshell Ndegeocello that was so controversial that it was banned from MTV and BET. The music networks refused to play the video for the single "Leviticus Faggot" because of the gay relationship between two black men depicted in the video. Until today I still had never seen this video. I'm convinced that you can find anything ever recorded on youtube. Almost 11 years later the video is just as relevant as I'm sure it was in 1996.

It's a video that I think every parent of a gay child should see and every person who believes that homosexuality is a chosen lifestyle should be forced to watch over and over. The final scene of the video proves otherwise. I wonder if any artist today would have the balls to do what Meshell did in 96 when the tolerance for SGL people was far less accepting than it is today?

Labels: Sexuality

I had ideas in my head for updates to the site for today but my mood wouldn't allow me to write. Somehow India Arie's Ready for Love found itself on repeat on my iPod. It's strange how a song can capture exactly how you're feeling or say the things you want to say but can't find the words. I'll be back soon.

Labels: Sexuality

Allow this post to be my official Happy New Year greeting to all of you who read Living Out Loud with Darian everyday. 2006 saw the the birth of this site and within 6 months what started out as a recreational activity has become another important source of information for LGBT people of color.

I wish everyone all of the success and happiness that your heart can hold. If you haven't decided yet what your New Year's resolutions are going to be, allow my friend Ramone Johnson over at aboutgay.com to help you out with The Top 10 Gay New Year's Resolutions . Speak it , Claim It, Live It !

Labels: Sexuality