<meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- data-ad-client=pub-0739814670596411 --> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(//www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head><body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d28749891\x26blogName\x3dLiving+Out+Loud+with+Darian\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dLIGHT\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://loldarian.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttps://loldarian.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d5005432106872301840', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
1 comments | Sunday, December 31, 2006

Allow this post to be my official Happy New Year greeting to all of you who read Living Out Loud with Darian everyday. 2006 saw the the birth of this site and within 6 months what started out as a recreational activity has become another important source of information for LGBT people of color.

I wish everyone all of the success and happiness that your heart can hold. If you haven't decided yet what your New Year's resolutions are going to be, allow my friend Ramone Johnson over at aboutgay.com to help you out with The Top 10 Gay New Year's Resolutions . Speak it , Claim It, Live It !



To say that Dreamgirls deserves Golden Globe and Academy Award recognition is a fact, to say that Jennifer Hudson is a star would be an understatement. I've seen the film twice since it opened on Christmas Day and I knew it would be amazing but I had no idea just how wonderful the production would be until I took my seat in the theater and began the 2 hour journey with Jennifer, Eddie, Jamie, and Beyonce.

I'm not a movie critic so I will refrain from reviewing the film and judjing it unfairly . Besides there was very little that I didn't like about the film, other than I wish Larell's solo "Ain't No Party" from the Broadway show would have been included in the film version.

I can't remember the last time I was this excited about seeing a movie, I took my entire family to see it for Christmas. My dad hadn't been to the movies in years so it was definitely a treat to have him experience Dreamgirls with me.

Let me say on the record that Jennifer Hudson is amazing!!! She will surely win both the Golden Globe and the Oscar. Not bad for someone who was voted off of American Idol. It was hilarious to hear theater patrons say "Beyonce is good, but she ain't got nothing on Jennifer"! I LIVE!!!

For the past couple of weeks I've embraced my musical theater roots and my inner homo and blasted the Dreamgirls soundtrack at home and in my car. I can't imagine that their is a gay man alive that hasn't seen this movie yet, but if you haven't then I urge you to get to the nearest theater and experience Dreamgirls for yourself. It isn't everyday that a film of this caliber comes out of Hollywood.



Yesterday I received an e-mail from one of my loyal readers and fellow bloggersPolarchip asking if I had heard of the show One Punk Under God. I was not familiar with the show and once I learned about the show's content I was a little embarrased that it wasn't on my radar.

The show captures the life of minister Jay Bakker, the son of fallen televangelists Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. In 1987 Jim Bakker lost his ministry and the respect of thousands of followers after he confessed to committing adultery and participating in fraud, the latter would send him to prison for many years.

Jay is not your ordinary southern baptist preacher. His appearance is far from conservative, adorned with multiple tattoos and piercings, Jay strikes you more as a goth head than a preacher. His Revolution Church regulary meets at a bar in Atlanta called Masquerade, and unlike many churches throughout the country he opens his doors to all people regardless of appearance, economic status, or sexual orientation.

So Jay likes the gays? That's right, after attending a gay affirming church service Jay starts to rethink all of the biblical hatred towards gays he had been taught as a child. Not only does he come out publicly for equality for gays and lesbians he does the unthinkable, he preaches that homosexuality is not a sin and causes emotions to run high amongst his conservative supporters, many of whom support his church financially.

My own pastor Rev. O.C. Allen III spoke a prophetic word about a month ago that I believe will come to fruition this year. The black church as we once knew it is dying. Pastors are selling their pulpits to the highest bidders and the people of the congregation are hungry for something real. Their is going to be a huge shift from the mega churches and people are going to start embracing ministires such as Jay's and The Visioon Church becuase they are tired of being abused in the one place where they're supposed to experience love and safety, the church.

I urge you guys to check out an episode of this wonderful new show on the The Sundance Channel or download the season from iTunes. Jay is a warrior and an allie, if only more people would allow themselves to embrace the differences in others the world would be a better place.



So to continue with my Dreamgirls theme I've posted my second video blog on the amazing SGL website abovethelife.com appropriately titled "I Am Changing".

With the new year upon us I'm sure we all have resolutions and goals that we would like to achieve in 07 and in order to achieve these goals certain changes will have to take place.

Change for me has been the one consistent thing in my life over the years. No matter how uncomfortable it can be it is definitely a neccesary process that we all must go through.

If there is one lesson that I've learned it's that it's not about what happens to you but how you react that's important. So no matter what happens in 07 remember you ultimately have control over how it will affect your life.

I recorded this blog at four in the morning(yeah I waited until the last minute)so if my eyes look a little funny it's just from sleep
deprivation and not alcohol. I look forward to reading your thoughts. Enjoy!


3 comments | Friday, December 22, 2006

With only three days left until Christmas this will be my last post for 2006. This has been an amazing year! I would like to personally thank all of you who visit Living Out Loud with Darian everyday. I had no idea when I sat down in May to create this site that it would play such an important role in my life and effect the lives of so many people.

I will be back in full swing after all of the holiday madness has ended. Expect some new changes with the site in 07, more video blogs on abovethelife.com, my work in Clik magazine and on the front lines in the Black gay community. My new year's resolution is to become a power homosexual ! I'm stealing that title from Marz . LOL !

I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season. I look forward to talking about Dreamgirls and Jennifer Hudson's newfound stardom with you through February, bring on the Oscars!

May God bless each and every one of you. My vacation begins now!

1 comments | Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The past few days have been filled with highs and lows. I'm hoping that the universe is allowing all of the drama to play out now in 2006 so I won't have to deal with it in 2007, just a little wishful thinking.

It always amazes me when I find out who is reading my blog. I haven't told my family about my writing because obviously if you read my blog then you know it's a little on the gay side, and my family works overtime to avoid discussing anything that has to deal with "the gays".

Yesterday I received an e-mail from my aunt informing me that she had come across my blog and she was a little surprised and saddened by what she read. After I managed to compose myself from being caught off guard, I responded to her e-mail in true gay activist fashion, asserting myself as proud Black same gender loving man and allowing her a chance to get to know the real me if she desired. Talk about living out loud, this was truly one of those moments.

I did receive some great news via e-mail yesterday that was totally unexpected, but you're gonna have to wait until February to hear about it.

After being stressed out at work, temporary boyfriend drama, and being outed via my blog I needed a release. All I can say is thank God for writing and dancing. I hopped into Tramaine's truck and headed to the studio. Class was awesome and it was just the release I needed.

I've posted a video of the combination for you guys to watch and pictures from past performances. Those were the days. Enjoy!



Leonard Pitts Jr., a columnist for the Miami Herald recently received a letter from a reader who asked why he came to the defense of gay and lesbian people in his writing. Leonard's response is well written and almost shocking for me to read as a gay man.

Leonard is a straight allie who understands that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. I personally sent him an e-mail thanking him for his courage to tell the truth. I've pasted the article below for you to read as well as a link to the article.

LEONARD PITTS JR.: Why defense of gays matters

This is for a reader who demands to know why I write about gay issues. His conclusion is that I must secretly be gay myself.

Actually, he doesn't express himself quite that civilly. To the contrary, his e-mails -- which, until recently, were arriving at the rate of about one a week -- evince a juvenility that would embarrass a reasonably intelligent fifth-grader. The most recent one, for example, carried a salutation reading, "Hi Mrs. Pitts."

We're talking about the kind of thing for which delete buttons were invented. So you may wonder why I bring it to your attention, especially since acknowledging a person like this only encourages him. It's simple, actually: He raises an interesting question that deserves an answer.

If from that you conclude (or fear) you're about to read a stirring defense of my manly male masculinity, no. The guy is free to believe what he wishes; I really don't care. And here, let me digress to confess that, though I refer to him using masculine pronouns, I actually don't know if he's a he because his notes have been anonymous. Still, I assume it's a guy because the level of sexual insecurity the e-mails suggest strikes me as -- boy, am I going to get in trouble for this -- rather guy-specific.

Anyway, to get back to the point, I'm not here to argue sexuality. I just find myself intrigued by the idea that if you're not gay, you shouldn't care about gay rights.

The most concise answer I can give is cribbed from what a white kid said 40 or so years ago, as white college students were risking their lives to travel South and register black people to vote. Somebody asked why. He said he acted from an understanding that his freedom was bound up with the freedom of every other man.

I know it sounds cornier than Kellogg's, but that's pretty much how I feel.

I know also that some folks are touchy about anything seeming to equate the black civil rights movement with the gay one. And no, gay people were not kidnapped from Gay Land and sold into slavery, nor lynched by the thousands. On the other hand, they do know something about housing discrimination, they do know job discrimination, they do know murder for the sin of existence, they do know the denial of civil rights and they do know what it is like to be used as scapegoat and bogeyman by demagogues and political opportunists.

They know enough of what I know that I can't ignore it. See, I have yet to learn how to segregate my moral concerns. It seems to me if I abhor intolerance, discrimination and hatred when they affect people who look like me, I must also abhor them when they affect people who do not. For that matter, I must abhor them even when they benefit me. Otherwise, what I claim as moral authority is really just self-interest in disguise.

Among the things we seem to have lost in the years since that white kid made his stand is the ability, the imagination, the willingness to put ourselves into the skin of those who are not like us. I find it telling that Vice President Dick Cheney hews to the hard conservative line on virtually every social issue, except gay marriage. It is, of course, no coincidence that Cheney has a daughter who is a lesbian. Which tells me his position is based not on principle but, rather, on loving his daughter.

It is a fine thing to love your daughter. I would argue, however, that it is also a fine thing and in some ways, a finer thing, to love your neighbor's daughter, no matter her sexual orientation, religion, race, creed or economic status -- and to want her freedom as eagerly as you want your own.

I believe in moral coherence. And Rule No. 1 is, you cannot assert your own humanity, then turn right around and deny someone else's.

If that makes me gay, fine.

As my anonymous correspondent ably demonstrates, there are worse things to be.

LEONARD PITTS JR. is a columnist for the Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, Fla. 33132. Write to him at lpitts@miamiherald.com.

Copyright © 2006 Detroit Free Press Inc.

Why defense of gays matters



As I was driving through Atlanta's West End on Sunday I passed by the above billboard and I had to pull over to capture the image on my camera. I was struck by the billboard's message as well as the models chosen to represent the many faces of HIV.

It is no secret that HIV/AIDS has become a Black disease. Black gay men are being hit the hardest. According to a study conducted by the CDC in 5 major cities throught the U.S., more than 46% of all Black gay men are HIV positive.

HIV is the enemy. There is something that I find so ironic about the tone of this message, HIV does not discriminate, but yet human beings do. Our goal should be to search for a cure and treat this disease effectively and worry less about how people became infected. Whether you're black, white, gay, or straight no one deserves this disease.

Stigma and religious bigotry is alive and well. How many people do you hear at church say "pray for me church I have HIV or AIDS?" No one from fear of being ostracised and treated like a leper.

Well what do you do when you're a gay man and you're positive or completely healthy and you're turned away from your doctor because of who you are? Unfortunately this sort of thing is happening in doctor's offices all over the country. Gay men are going to their doctors for medical attention but instead are being given religious lectures and a prescription of Leviticus 18:22 .

An example of this medical malpractice occured with a youg man named Jay. You can read the full story on gayhealth.com. And they wonder why brothas won't get tested and why we're dying at a much faster rate than any other group?


2 comments | Monday, December 18, 2006

In anticipation of the nationwide release of Dreamgirls on Christmas Day I decided to post 2 of my favorite songs from the show. And I Am Telling You sung by the amazing Jennifer Holiday on the Tony Awards, I Am Changing, sung recently by Jennifer Hudson on The Today Show after receiving the news of her Golden Globe nomination, and a very talented unknown named Art Smith. Art gives us his rendition of And I Am Telling You and he is surprisingly good. He doesn't look like the" Jennifers" but he gives us a damn good impersonation.

I'll be in Alabama on Christmas day with my family, my plan is to buy tickets for everyone as gifts. The lines are going to be insane! In Montgomery there's only three things for teenagers and young adults to do, the mall, eating out, and the movies. So you know Ray Ray and Lacrecia nem are gonna be out in record numbers to see Ms. Beyonce aka Sasha. Any idea on how I can get tickets early?

8 comments | Sunday, December 17, 2006

This post is going to be very different from anything I've ever written before. Normally I don't like to share too much of my personal life on my blog, there's only been two exceptions that I can think of in the past where life has become too much to bare and I've used writing as therapy to get over, get through and get on with it all.

What you are about to read is a true story that comes from one of the darkest periods in my life. I believe this experience is why I'm not afraid of death, because in many ways I stared death in the face and still chose life. I was determined to trust God and watch him turn my situation around. A year later he did.

2005 was a year I will never forget. As I looked around my one bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles I had everything that a 25 year old man could want, a career, a new car, a new apartment, close friends, good health, and more dreams and aspirations than I could write down on a single sheet of paper. But for some reason I was still unhappy and often times depressed. I wanted someone in my life to love and to receive that same love in return.

I would find out later that I needed to learn to love myself more before I attempted to love another.

He came into my life one Sunday night in February and upon meeting him I knew my life would never be the same. We ate dinner and talked, I was excited that I had finally met someone that was gay and christian and didn't have a problem identifying publicly as such.

Before the night was over I found myself wrapped in his arms sobbing. I don't remember what he said or how he said it, but all of the times I had been ridiculed, rejected, and promised to be loved unconditionally only to experience the opposite, all of that pain came pouring out through my tears.

I had never allowed myself to be this open with a total stranger, he was the first. There was something different about this man, it was at this moment he took a hold of me and didn't let go for the next six months.

Over the course of this time I went from being single to being coupled with a live in boyfriend, in a matter of weeks (Mistake#1). I began to lose my identity, his wishes became my command. "It's me and you against the world he would say".

Nothing else mattered, I desperately wanted to maintain a long term relationship and in order to do so I believed that sacrifices had to be made, at least that's what he told me. I just ended up being the only person in the relationship making the sacrifices(Mistake#2).

Within a couple of months I had isolated myself from most of my friends, I was not taking dance classes or auditioning regularly, my agency representation was in jeopardy(Mistake #3), and I began to see red flags, but my desire to have someone in my life to love me caused me to overlook the obvious, this man was TROUBLE.

There was not a day that went by that I didn't have flowers, candy, or a card delivered to me at work or waiting for me when I got home. My co-workers were envious and I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Never mind the fact that I agreed to relenquish ownership over makng sure my monthly bills were paid on time. I trusted him and wanted to him to play a leading role in our household(Mistake #4).

I had never been with someone before who wanted a partner, someone to grow old with. He knew the right things to say and most of all he knew I was gullible enough to fall for it. On the surface his motives were not based on sex or material wealth and that alone was hot too me, not to mention the fact that when we made love everything in the world stopped and all that mattered was that moment when our bodies connected and I began to experience a feeling I had only read about in books.

So the search was over, this was the man I was going to marry and on my birthday April 16th in front of a small group of friends he proposed. On one knee he asked me to pledge my life to him and I said yes.

Over the next 3 months my life and the man I thought I knew began to change slowly but surely right in front of my eyes.

The comfortable life I had created for myself began to fall apart. My finances were in shambles, my friends were distant, I was in danger of losing my apartment, and I was growing increasingly unhappy with the man that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, but I was determined not to give up on us(Mistake #5). So at his request I packed up my life and moved an hour away from L.A. , away from work, friends, dance, and civilization. It was just he and I against the world.

Fast forward to August 19, 2005. I enter an empty apartment at 2:00 A.M. after working all night and commuting an hour home to find out my fiancee has been arrested. This was the beginning of a nightmare that only seemed to get worse.

Charged with two felonies, the man I thought I knew I didn't know at all. I pick up his cell phone that he left behind to check his voicemails only to find out that I was the only person being monogamous in our relationship. The love I had claimed as my own was being shared with two other men in my bed while I was away.

As if that wasn't enough I had the privilege to speak with his ex-wife that I never knew he had and learn of his 4 children that he was not supporting. Everyday there was a new revelation about his life. God I look back now and I wonder how in the hell was I so stupid. My mind, body, and spirit felt violated. Why do the people who profess to love you usually end up hurting you the most?

The next year of his life would be spent in prison and I would spend the next twelve months picking up the pieces and making sense of all of the life lessons I learned the hard way. I wish once this relationship ended it could have turned into a distant memory, but the consequences of his actions and my inability to stop him when I saw things spiraling out of control will be felt long after I can no long remember the details.

This post marks the end of a chapter in my life that has defined what pain is for me. I refuse to allow any negative experience to be totally negative, there always has to be a positive side. I know if I hadn't gone through this experience I wouldn't be an activist today and I wouldn't be writing this blog. This could have broken me but God saw fit to give me the strength I needed to use my voice to impact the lives of others. He still has yet to apologize and for a while that's all I wanted. But today I've decided to forgive myself for the mistakes I made and that weighs so much more than any insincere apology he could ever evoke.

It's over. Finally.

5 comments | Friday, December 15, 2006

So the Golden Globe nominations were announced on Thursday morning and it was no surprise that Dreamgirls received it's fair share of nods. This film will no doubt become a Black cinema classic. It was also no surprise that this year's breakthrough star Jennifer Hudson received a nomination for her portrayal as Effie White.

Now on to Ms. Beyonce Knowles. Beyonce received a nomination for Best Leading Actress in a Motion Picture Musical or Comedy for her portrayal as back up singer Deena Jones. I just have one problem with this nomination, Beyonce is playing a supporting role! Will somebody please tell this girl and the money hungry studio heads that Deena Jones is a supporting character to Hudson's Effie White!

I understand that Beyonce may have more star power than Jennifer Hudson at the moment but all of that will change on December 25th. Did anyone notice that Beyonce's character didn't have a power ballad to sing so Ms. Knowles decided to write one for herself so she could have her "And I Am Telling You" moment? Listen is a good song(minus the tacky video!) and deserves to win in the best original song category.

When is she and Daddy Knowles going to realize that too much exposure can be damaging. I'm sick of Beyonce, but I respect her talent and listen to her music all in the same breath. I'll be the first to admit that I love to hate her.

I wonder what Kelly and Michelle are up to? Probably sitting around somewhere pretending too be extremely happy for Beyonce and wishing she would do a Destiny's Child reunion.

Make sure you tune into the awards show on January 15, 2007 at 8 P.M. on NBC . I'm sure Beyonce will be wearing another one of momma Tina's tacky ass House of Dereon designs.

0 comments | Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Atlanta based choreographer Tramaine Renee is quicly making a name for herself in the Atlanta dance community.

I first met Tramaine when we were both dancing professionaly in LA. I had the privelege of dancing in my first Carnival at The Key Club on the Sunset Strip after accepting an invitation to dance in an original piece she choreographed. Since then we have become close friends and each other's loyal supporter.

I recently had an opportunity to see Tramaine at work on the set of singer Tori Alimaze's new video "Freaky Boys". Many of you may know Tori's single "Don't Cha" as performed by the Pussycat Dolls. She was actually the first person to record the hot single that has become a staple for the grammy nominated group.

Tramaine's unique teaching and choreography style is in high demand. Her master classes have exposed children and adults to her raw style from Atlanta to London. I conveniently had my digital camera in my pocket during my visit to the set, so you know what that means? I've got footage for you guys to enjoy of Tramaine, Tori, and her dancers in action.



Recently the name Jennifer Hudson has caused the strongest Oscar buzz for an African-American actress since Halle Berry took home the coveted award in 2002 and I honestly don't remember the buzz being as strong for Halle as it is currently for Ms. Hudson.

On the other hand some sources in the media have attempted to portray Jennifer as a homophobic bible-thumping bigot.Anyone in their right mind who's been following her career since American Idol should know that this assumption is false. She recently released a statement to The Advocate magazine and also posted the response on her myspace page.

"In a recent interview I was asked how I reconciled being a Christian with performing at events for my gay fans. I find it upsetting that some folks equate being a Christian with being intolerant of gay people. That may, unfortunately, be true for some, but it is not true for me. I have talked often of my love and support of the gay community. I have said again and again that it was the gay community that supported me long before and long after American Idol and kept me working and motivated. It is the gay community that celebrated my voice and my size and my personality long before Dreamgirls. Yes, I was raised Baptist. Yes, I was taught that the Bible has certain views on homosexuality. The Bible also teaches us not to judge. It teaches us to love one another as God loves us all. I love my sister, my two best friends, and my director dearly. They happen to be gay. So what? While some search for controversy, I hope that my friends and fans who know me know where I stand."

Spoken like a diva in the making who knows that if her career is going to thrive she needs the support of the gay community.

But not only was her statement an important business move on her part but it was the human thing to do. It didn't take her 10 years into her career and 9 Grammys later to acknowledge her gay fan base like another artist that I will not mention.

I swear I've never been in love with a woman, but between her amazing voice and the anticipation of the movie release(hey I don't live in LA anymore, I've got to wait until Xmas day like everybody else) I think I might experience my first climax with a woman ever! I know...too much information!


Fantasia's highly anticipated self titled album has finally been released and she does not dissapoint.

I've been a fan of Fantasia since the very beginning of her career on American Idol. I played her debut cd Free Yourself until it began skipping, not from mishandling it but from the continuous play. So you have to imagine how excited I was when my planned trip to Target was derailed when my best friend Bennie walked in with a copy of the cd for me.

Fantasia's new cd opens with the lead single "Hood Boy', a track that will definetely become the new club banger. A nice departure from the ballad heavy singles from the previous album. As a matter of fact Fantasia has quite a few uptempo tracks on this album. Baby Makin Hips, Not The Way I Do, and I'm Not That Type are hot tracks that could all be potential singles.

But the standout track that will no doubt catapult Fantasia to a more mature level in her career is without a doubt "I Nominate You". In it she asks her man to role play with her, "You be Denzel, it's your training day boy come and get me!"
It's a sexy ballad that Janet fans have come to know as "baby making songs".

Producers Missy Elliot, Sean Garret, and Bryan-Michael Cox have given her a classy hood sound that's all her own. Fantasia really shines on this latest effort. She may not be playing Effie in Dreamgirls but her powerhouse vocals should not be under estimated. I'm just waiting for her to release a gospel album and let all the kids have it !

Run out and buy this cd, you won't regret it.


Recently I came across a post on myspace by another blogger with strong criticism of how black gay bloggers have responded to the recent Michael Richards tirade at The Laugh Factory and the homophobia that we as gay and lesbian people face in this country everyday. While I agree with about 10% of what he had to say there was the other 90% that I had to address. I did so on a bulletin on myspace that I'm reposting here for you guys to read.

It's been a while since I've blogged on myspace, but I felt the need to respond to some of the things I've read lately concerning the use of the "N" word and the treatment of lesbians and gays in today's society.

It sounds good to say that as long as you accept yourself as a same gender loving person the views and opinions of others don't matter. It may not affect the decisions you make in your day to day life, but the homophobic and racist climate we're presently living in led to the death of Michael Sandy, Sakia Gunn, and countless others.

The majority of Americans will probably never fully accept homosexuality. Does that mean when my basic civil rights are threatened to be taken away because of who I love or some RACIST actor decides to publicly display how he's felt about Black people all along and use the word NIGGER I'm supposed to sit by and say nothing?

Sitting by and saying nothing has cost many people in the Black community their lives.

I could very well take confidence in knowing that I have no hang ups about being Black, gay, and outspoken when people in my community are being misjudged, abused, and cast out. I could become the quiet homosexual that everyone likes as long as he stays in his place, far in the closet and mute . But then I have to think where would we be today if Rosa Parks had said nothing on that Montgomery city bus or if James Meredith hadn't had the courage to integrate The University of Mississippi.

I use my blog as a forum to talk about issues that affect the Black gay community. Sometimes it's poltical and sometimes it's strictly entertainment. Mainstream media doesn't give a damn about my Black gay life or the lives of my friends. One thing is for sure every time you log onto loldarian.com you will view content that other people won't talk about. Call it over zealous if you want, while you're sitting silent you're sending a message that it's okay to disrespect you and call you a FAG and a NIGGER. If you don't train people how to treat you then that's exactly how they will behave.

1 comments | Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I've spent the past 24 hours trying to figure out what my next post was going to be and trying hard to break the writers block that was gripping my mind. Meanwhile I was being exposed to some harsh realities through television and countless newspaper articles.

Rev.Paul Barnes, a Denver pastor comes out as a gay man "struggling" with homosexuality and steps down only weeks after evangelical leader Ted Haggard falls from grace. On MTV's The Real World Denver gay cast member Davis decides to get drunk and throw the "N" word around almost causing himself to receive the worst ass-whipping ever broadcast on national television.

What in the hell is going on in America? Racism and homophobia has reared it's ugly head for all the world to see. Did Michael Richard's give the rest of white America the green light to verbalize their racist feelings in comedy clubs, on national tv and street corners all over the world?

Rev. Barnes was quoted saying " his father took him on a drive and talked about what he would do if a "fag" approached him. Barnes thought, "'Is that how you'd feel about me?' It was like a knife in my heart, and it made me feel even more closed."

When are we going to learn to accept the fact that God made us all different? We're black, white, asian, gay, straight, bi, and some of us indifferent.

For the first time in Real World history there are two black men in one house. Translation: Two angry black men, one a conservative christian(who curses more than the average sinner), another who is 200 pounds and hyper-masculine with an alter ego he calls" Leroy Jenkins", and the Abercrombie looking white gay boy from Georgia. It's an enviroment created by the producers to provoke racist and homophobic outbursts that are inevitable and eventually occur.

I haven't watched the show since my friend Karamo was a cast member, but seeing last night's episode woke me up to all of the hate that exists for Blacks and gays in the world. I guess I've sheltered myself from a lot of it by living in progressive cities where people embrace their differences and spend less time judjing each other on the color of their skin or who they sleep with.

I truly feel sorry for people who are so close-minded they miss out on an opportunity to learn more about the human experience, or use religion as an excuse to persecute another human being for their race or their sexual orientation.

Hopefully Rev. Barnes, his family and congregation will learn that living a christian life doesn't come with a heterosexual requirement. God is love and love is for everyone. As for the Real World, let's just hope this experience changes their twisted views of Black people and gays for the better. One can only hope.

7 comments | Sunday, December 10, 2006

On Saturday at Dance 101 studios in Atlanta, Beyonce and her choreographer Frank Gatson Jr. auditioned over a thousand dancers competing for a spot on Beyonce's upcoming 2007 world tour.

Atlanta is just one of many cities where auditions will be held in search of talented dancers. Houston, New York, Chicago, and L.A. are also scheduled. The latter will most likely have the most dancers with actual contracts by the end of the audition tour.

Having danced professionaly in LA and New York for years I'm well aware of how the process works. Huge open calls are held throughout the country for dancers without agents and they dance their hearts out at the audition only to lose to more experienced agency dancers who have probably worked with the choreographer previously.

Despite the politics of professional dancing, these kids were lined up in the freezing cold with extra layers on and a dream.

As I watched the audition I remembered back to a time when that would have been me out in the freezing cold and I wonder how in the hell did I do it. The saying is true, "if you don't wake up in the morning and dancing is the first thing on your mind, then do something else". It's not a career for the weak, rejection is apart of the game.

I video taped all of the action outside of the audition for you to view. The dance community is so small and it never fails that I always run into old friends at a call, this audition was no exception. Enjoy!



I usually order the same thing every morning before work at my daily trip to Panera Bread, french toast bagel, extra butter and a small coffee. I can only imagine how my work day would be if these brothas were on the menu !


There was a time when the opinions of others mattered to me, when I would run away from a group of "thugged" out boys from fear of being clocked as gay and enduring their homophobic insults.

There was a time when my mother's acceptance of my "lifestyle" meant everything to me and getting through a sermon at church without having my soul damned to hell was an instant gift from God that didn't require fasting or excessive prayer.

I'm not sure if there was an event that occured in my life that changed my thinking about being a Black gay man, but one day I just decided not to give a damn ! In life we all have choices, sexual orientation not being one of them, I decided to choose life and living to me was learning how to be honest with myself and walking in truth.

Was it easy? Hell No ! Did I try to pray my way through it? I had no choice I was in Alabama and church didn't end for me and my family after the benediction on Sundays.

So often we expect for others to accept us when we have yet to fully accept ourselves. In a world where our existence as gay and lesbian people is reduced to the like of murderers, prostitutes, and child molesters, if you don't know your worth then it's easy to accept the labels that are projected onto you.

It's becoming painfully obvious the more visibility we gain as same gender loving people the more we open ourselves up to attacks not only physically but spiritually and emotionally as well.

I believe it takes a brave individual to be who God designed them to be contrary to popular opinion. Is it always going to be easy? No. Will loved ones hurt and disown you? Possibly. Will people judge you before they even take the step to get to know you? Most likely. But what will you tell yourself when you look in the mirror and that beautiful black, white, or brown gay reflection is looking back at you?

In the words of Dr. Seuss, "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter".

2 comments | Thursday, December 07, 2006

Last week I attended a special World Aids Day service at The Vision Church of Atlanta that was organized by Elder Paris Ealey. I expected the event to be sad as we reflected on the lives of our brothers and sisters who we have lost to HIV/AIDS.

Needless to say I experienced a myriad of emotions during the service, at times I was sad to the point of tears, other times I became so "full" I wanted to get up and dance, and I even acquired a new sense of hope for the future, for God's plan for my life, and ultimately a cure for the virus that has become the biggest challenge of my generation.

I had heard about the dynamic preaching of Elder Paris Ealey but I had yet to experience him in action. What I heard on this night was a word from God to his people through Elder Ealey. Particularly a group of people who have been abused, silenced, and demonized by the Black church.

Almost a week later and I'm still trying to find the words to describe what I experienced the night I heard him speak. I can only say that the words that came from his mouth somehow became "shut up" in my bones. It was the truth, plain and simple. He has an amazing gift for telling stories and for telling them in a way that the well-versed christian as well as the religious novice can understand, by using contemporary songs woven into his message.

I managed to turn my focus away from him for a second to remember that I had my digital camera in my pocket, so I was able to record the last 10 minutes of his sermon. I challenge you to allow yourself 10 minutes out of your day to watch this clip and to hear something different coming from a Black minister's mouth, the word minus the homophobic spin.

"Death is a requirement but living is an option"- Elder Paris Ealey


I can't remember the last time I've been so excited about new music releases, wait...yes I do, click here to find out about the last time, but I digress.

Ciara has released her latest effort titled The Evolution , Fantasia's self titled album will be released on December 12th and the Dreamgirls soundtrack is on the shelves and on constant repeat on my iPod.

In a year that suffered from a huge lack of creativity in music and film in my opinion, these ladies are definitely ending 2006 in a major way.

I'll finally be able to retire my 20 Y.O. cd for a little while( only until the tour opens and then it's 20 Y.O. again non-stop) now that I have these great cd's to listen to in my car when I'm too lazy to hook up my iTrip .

So if you're looking to get some hot new music I would definitely recommend you pick these three up, you will not be dissapointed. Here's what you can find being constantly played on my iPod,

Get It Out Me-Janet Jackson
What's That Right There-Kelis
Hollywood-Jay Z featuring Beyonce
Hood Boy-Fantasia
Summer Love-Justin Timberlake
And I Am Telling You-Jennifer Holiday/Hudson

1 comments | Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Ving Rhames has become the topic of conversation in many circles recently after he signed on to be Adam Sandler's co-star in the upcoming film "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry". In the film the two actors pose as a gay couple in order to secure benefits from their employer.

Ving, who is no stranger to playing gay roles has reportedly refused to shoot an on-screen kiss with Sandler, instead opting for a girl dressed in drag. I almost don't blame him for not wanting to kiss Adam Sandler, I think I would have to pass on that too.
But what if that isn't the case? Why accept a gay role and then refuse to be intimate with your co-star of the same sex if the script calls for it?

We all know that macho Hollywood actors are seeking out gay roles nowadays to prove they are "serious" actors, Will Smith, Taye Diggs, and Colin Ferell have all played gay characters and have not received any backlash. So if these allegations are true then Ving really needs to hang out with the countless gay people that I'm sure he comes in contact with on a daily basis and work through his issues. Hey Ving, I've kissed a man before and it's actually not that bad!

What's even worse than Ving's possible homophobic reaction to a role he agreed to play is the comments that were left by people on columnist Janet Charlton's site. I've posted some of the most ridiculous comments below. This just proves there's still more work to be done when it comes to educating our straight friends about homosexuality.


2 comments | Tuesday, December 05, 2006

This is a story about control, my control. Control of what I say and control of what I do and this time I'm gonna do it my way. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Are we ready? I am. Becuase it's all about control and I've still got lot's of it !

These words rang true 20 years ago when Ms. Jackson introduced herself as a young woman in control of her life and career and it was just as relevant last night as she opened the 2006 Billboard Music Awards.

Ms Jackson gave us something old with" Pleasure Principle" and something new with the remix of "So Excited" featuring Fat Man Scoop and Fabulous.

Her performance was absolutely amazing from beginning to end ! Janet performed like it was her last time. The vocals, choreography, and costumes were perfect. Their was a coheseviness to the performance that has been lacking with many of the other "divas" of the day(I will refrain from mentioning any names). I found myself being inspired all over again, much like I was the first time I saw videos from the Control era.

This was obviously a preview of her 2007 tour. I haven't missed a show since the janet. tour and you better believe I will be there next year front and center.

I have to thank all of you who e-mail me hard to find Janet footage and photos, I really appreciate it. How did you ever guess that I'm a huge fan? LOL !

By the way, I uploaded the performance to youtube for everyone to enjoy. You can view it here below.

0 comments | Monday, December 04, 2006

Anticipation for the Christmas day release of the film adaptation of the broadway musical Dreamgirls is creating a strong Oscar buzz in Hollywood. I can't think of another movie that I've been this excited to see since "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"(I know...I know, not exactly Oscar caliber).

I couldn't help but notice the three names listed on the movie poster that's popping up all over town in this order, Jamie Foxx, Beyonce Knowles and Eddie Murphy. I looked at the poster and was a little perplexed to say the least. For those of you who are familiar with the show and the original Broadway history, it's obvious that Effie White originally played by the amazing Jennifer Holiday is the show's star. So why isn't the new Effie
Ms. Jennifer Hudson receiving top billing? I think the answer can be given in one word, BEYONCE.

Before you read any further I just want to let you know that this will not be another post crafted to berate Beyonce. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with her, but if her performance on Oprah is a preview of what's to come in the movie I think she will be considered for an Oscar
nomination in the best original song category, not best actress, after all she IS playing a SUPPORTING ROLE.

Early reviews of the film are singing Jennifer Hudson's praises. She's being described as a scene stealer, showstopper, tour de-force, bonafide star, and a top contender for an academy award. Not bad for someone who came in seventh on American Idol. So why is the obvious lead character and star of the film being pushed into the background?

I can understand if the producers were counting on Beyonce's star power to attract people to the film, but what I can't understand is why Jennifer's name wasn't included anywhere. Couldn't the poster have read "Dreamgirls" starring Jamie Foxx, Beyonce Knowles, Eddie Murphy and introducing Jennifer Hudson?

Once again we have art imitating life. Beyonce was born to play the role of Deena Jones(aka Diana Ross), she's lived it from the beginning of Destiny's child into her present solo career. Always in the middle of the singing trio, always singing lead(and the loudest !)and always grabbing media attention. Rumor has it that Ms. Knowles is extremely jealous of Jennifer's newfound celebrity and the legion of fans she's acquiring, one listen to Jennifer's rendition of "And I Am Telling You" and you can understand why.

Dreamgirls will be released nationwide on Christmas day.