Living Out Loud with Darian

Forgive me as I rant and rave and begin to work through some of my own issues surrounding my sexuality and my faith.

In L.A. I attended a mega church that was nationally known and operated out of a multi-million dollar cathedral. My church was commonly referred to as the "celebrity church" because it's membership included the likes of Denzel Washington, Angela Bassett, Stevie Wonder, and Natalie Cole among others.

Last year around this time when I was going through lots of life changes the church and my relationship with God became paramount. It was during this time my faith increased beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I was a black gay christian man who openly identified as such and believed I had a right to the kingdom just like the next man.

I was confident in this fact, and as the preacher would say "steadfast and unmovable", until the words of Bishop Alfred Owens stirred up emotions and a reaction from me that changed my view of the church forever.

I will not relive the homophobic venom that was spewed from his mouth in the name of God on that Sunday morning, but I will say that this was a turning point for me. I began to view my church and it's leaders differently. It became harder for me to sit in church on a weekly basis and remain silent as my worth as a black gay man was reduced to nothing.

So I left and decided to work on my relationship with God and exert less energy on my relationship with the church.

Now that I'm in Atlanta finding a place to worship is on my to do list. Where do I go, another mega church? Maybe Eddie Long will welcome my unapologetically loud, black, gay, self into his congregation? I doubt it, besides I would never set foot in his church.

So I thought I should probably go to a church where all people are welcomed to experience the goodness of Christ regardless of sexual orientation.

My best friend refers to it as the "sissy church". I gathered from previous conversations that he would show some resistance in attending with me, my question is why? Have we become so accustomed to being attacked from the pulpit that when we attend a church that preaches the real message of God's love we reject it for not hurting?

To be continued...

My love affair with Noah's Arc is on and crackin' once again! Did you guys see last night's episode? I'm still not quite sure what happend last week, but the guys did not dissapoint me this time around. The show was hot from beginning to end!

I have to refrain from going into a full review here on my blog because I have to save my thoughts for the podcast withSteven on PinkMafiaRadio.

I will tell all of you die hard Noah's Arc fans that the show is available on iTunes for $1.99 the day before it airs on LOGO.

So head on over to iTunes and download the show and make sure to leave a comment, we want this groundbreaking show to see a third season.

We all watched these ladies weekly on MTV's Making The Band 3 as they worked tirelessly to win a spot in P. Diddy's next all girl group. In the past we've seen Diddy create groups that enjoyed their 15 minutes of fame only to never be seen or heard from again.

But the ladies of Danity Kane are determined to mount a long career from their stint on reality tv. Their self titled debut album debuted last week at #1 surpassing Outkast and Christina Aguilera.

Most stores are sold out and the label has been forced to restock shelves overnight to meet consumer demand. I experienced this first hand last night when I went to my local Wal-Mart( hey i'm back in the south...cut me some slack) to purchase my copy and they were sold out.

Today I managed to get a copy and there's very few cd's that I like at first listen(Janet is an exception), but this cd is hot !!

The ladies are beautiful (a lesbians dream !) and their sound is surprisingly their own and not a remake of Destiny's Child(I was afraid that would happen) . If you don't have the cd yet go and pick it up or download it from iTunes, you'll be pleasantly surprised to find out that it's worth it.

If you guys have been listening to my weekly review of the ever so popular show Noah's Arc with Steven on pinkmafiaradio.com , then I'm sure you're quite aware that I was not impressed with last week's episode, even after watching it twice.

For the record I am a huge fan of Noah's Arc and I thank Patrick Ian Polk for having the vision and the cast for executing his vision every week. However, I do believe that as a fan it doesn't dismiss my right to be critical of the material that's being presented, especially when it's poorly written.

I've received a couple of nasty e-mails from fans who listened to the podcast and basically wanted my head on a platter for the comments I made during last week's review. I honestly think they were hilarious!

If I've learned anything it's to be careful about what you say about Noah's Arc because the fans don't play !

I refuse to be censored, 98% of the time the show is wonderful and I'm talking about it for days with my friends, unfortunately episode 3 just wasn't one of those times for me.

So let's just hope that episode 4 isn't dissapointing, even Dynasty had it's sour moments! I'm on my way to iTunes right now to find out.

Whew! Loosen up my buttons baby!!

Word on the street is that Ne-Yo will be coming out in the October issue of Essence according to radio reports and a post on
jasmynecannick.com .

Ne-Yo's first single "So Sick" shot to the top of the Billboard charts and he has shown promise not only as a performer but a writer as well, penning Rihanna's hit single "Unfaithful" .

No one knows for sure if the alleged coming out is true or if it's just another internet rumor. Regardless, reading this story raised a very important question that I think needs to be addressed.

Why are gay black entertainers afraid to come out? We know they exist and some of us even run in the same circles with these people and witness their same-sex relationships first hand.

They present a false image to the public and they live authentically when the cameras are turned off.

I challenge you to name at least 5 black gay entertainers who are out? Excluding RuPaul, I'm unable to do so.

I personally have a problem with this. Visibility is so important in our community becuase visibility provides an opportunity to educate and to foster tolerance and acceptance.

I've had personal discussions with highly educated black people who believe homosexuality is not apart of the black community, they view it as a "white thing" imposed on weak black men who have no sense of their manhood or their blackness.

There are countless of white entertainers who are out and are playing a major role in shaping how Americans view GLBT people and their families.

I have my own theory on why black entertainers remain closeted, but I would love to know what you guys think.

Personally,I'm not holding my breath waiting for Ne-Yo to come out. I can't imagine that he would play russian roulette with his career this early in the game. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Below are some pics of some of my favorite black performers, they happend to enter my mind right now for some "strange reason".

I promise this will be my last post on my transition from L.A. to Atlanta, but this move has been a few months in the making and it's finally over. I've been here for 2 days and I still can't believe that I live here now. It feels like I'm on vacation and I'm due to return to L.A. at the end of the week. It's so crazy!

Meanwhile, I'm allowing myself to get lost and find my way around the city, I'm sure this will be the case for at least the first month. It's driving me up the wall because I'm so used to knowing my way around L.A., but I don't know Atlanta at all.

One thing I do know is that the men here are hot!!!! I'm glad I don't have a problem being faithful because if I did my relationship would be in trouble! I know I have a good thing so I'm going to do everything I can to nurture the relationship I'm involved in versus creating a new one.

"Hot Lanta" will definitely live up to it's name this weekend when thousands
of SGL black men and women will gather for the
Atlanta Black Gay Pride Celebration . I will be there with my camera in one hand and my baby's hand in the other. Check back a week from today to view all of the pics, they're sure to be hot!

It was five years ago that the world and the music industry lost a great talent and a great human being, Aaliyah Dana Haughton. R.I.P. Aaliyah, you're gone but not forgotten.




The Last Video: Rock The Boat

Recently I was introduced to the work of emerging authorClarence Nero . I always jump at the chance to read material that mirrors my life experiences of being black, gay, christian, and out in America, specifically black America.

Clarence was born and raised in the New Orleans Ninth Ward district and is a survivor of Hurricane Katrrina.

On October 10, 2006 he will be releasing his second novel, "Three Sides to Every Story". The book has already generated quite a buzz in the literary world and has even received support from Dr. Maya Angelou and famed writer E. Lynn Harris.

In "Three Sides" Nero tackles the issues of homosexuality, HIV/AIDS, and the huge population of black men in prison, among other topics considered taboo in our community.


E. Lynn Harris believes in the talent of this brotha so much he decided to fund his national book tour after hearing his publisher wasn't going to send him out on the road.

I should be receiving my copy of the book any day now. If Maya Angelou and E. Lynn Harris is behind this project, then it must be a good read. I know I'm going to bury my face in it as soon as I gety my hands on it.

I would urge you guys to do the same. Let's support our brother on his way up.

Another Wednesday night and another episode of Noah's Arc. As you probably can tell from previous posts I am a huge fan of the show. I love just about anything that has to do with the show, if you don't believe me click here .

But, unfortunately I wasn't as impressed with this week's episode. Much of my beef has to do with the writing and my frustration with the story line between the characters Alex, Tre, and Guy. I'm not going to go into detail about my thoughts on the show here, but if you're interested in listening to my review with Steven you can check it out at pinkmafiaradio.com .



I'm looking forward to next week's episode and the continuatuion of my love affair with this wonderful show.

It's official. If I or anyone else wants to become a rich and famous pop star in this country it's definitely possible, talent not required.

What happend to the days when you actually had to have a talented singing voice in order to record an album?
With Paris Hilton and Mr. Britney Spears himself, Kevin Federline releasing albums I've been reassured that it's not about talent but about who you know or who you're sleeping with in L.A. that will get you places.

Driving cross country I've been listening to music for hours and one artist that should be receiving the Paris Hilton press but isn't is Tarralyn Ramsey .


You might remember her from VH1's Born to Diva , a very short lived talent competition in 2003.

Tarralyn's voice has a Whitney Houston quality that just sends chills down my spine. How many voices do we hear like this on the radio today? Very few come to mind.

This is what makes me so upset about the manufactured garbage Paris and Kevin are throwing at the public, and some of us buy into it. Have we just becomed used to the music industry signing a pretty face and mediocre talent? It's a sad state of affairs when Paris Hilton has a hit single and Vanilla Ice makes a comeback through Kevin Fedrline! Whitney please get well soon.

Experience Tarralyn for yourself here .

I know a lot of us are excited about the release of the new Outkast movie "Idlewild". I know I was all set to head to the theater this weekend to see what I thought was going to be a great film. The reviews have been less than favorable. It sounds like this is one movie I can wait to see on DVD. Is this the end of an era for one of hip hop's most successful acts?

Check out a review of the film by the amazing Clay Cane . With the soaring price of movie tickets, the last thing I want to do is spend 12 bucks on trash.
So enter the theater at your own risk this weekend. Enjoy!

Let the roadtrip begin! This morning I departed L.A. for my new life in Atlanta, and although I'm excited about my new surroundings I was less enthusiastic about the cross-country road trip. When I travel it's usually by way of some major airline that will get me to my destination in 5 hours or less, this time my transportation is my car and a 32 hour drive !

Luckily, my friend Jonathan was nice enough to come along with me for the ride.

I was suffering from major blog withdrawls since I hadn't posted anything since Tuesday, but with all of the going away parties and packing I just couldn't find the time, until I got a comment from a reader that made me pull over on the side of the road in Albuquerque, New Mexico to find a wireless network.



I honestly think his comment was the greatest indirect compliment anyone has given me so far on my blog. Don't be upset guy, sometimes life gets in the way and I can't make it to my computer. Trust and believe I know how you feel when you visit a blog and the same post has been up for days or even weeks. I'm just on a little road trip and as soon as I get settled in Atlanta things will go back to normal.

So far I've driven 12 hours today, 9 of those hours in the rain, and I've had to fill up my car 4 times and as you can see gas isn't cheap($3.89 !!).

The only thing that has kept me awake besides Jonathan's loud ass mouth is my iPod, we're inseperable. I've got my
iTrip , my iPod charger, and a bangin playlist that's sure to keep any driver awake. Only 20 more hours to go!

Check out my playlist below and my invention to eradicate the excess static from the radio when transmitting iTunes wirelessly( it's ghetto but it works !)


So Excited ! -Janet Jackson
Dejavu-Beyonce
Sexyback-Justin Timberlake
Touchin My Body-Dannity Kane
Get Up-Ciara
Why You Wanna Go-T.I.
Don't Let Me Get Me-Pink
Shake-Ying Yang Twins
Bossy-Kelis
I Love You-Cherie Dennis
Control Myself-L.L. Cool J
Conceited-Remy Ma
Pleasure Principle-Janet Jackson
Ain't No Other Man-Christina Aguilera
Crazy-Gnarls Barkley
Buttons-Pussycat Dolls

to be continued...

Usher makes his Broadway debut tonight in the sexy Bob Fosse musical Chicago He will be playing the role of Billy Flynn, the crooked lawyer hired to get the infamous serial killers Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly off the hook for living a lifestyle filled with murder, sex, and all that jazz.

I couldn't think of any other pop star more appropriate to step into this role. Usher is the ultimate entertainer and he and the character he's portraying are similar in many ways.

Usher is sure to bring a new group of people to the theater who may not have ever been exposed to live theater before, that alone is very exciting.

I'm curious to know how he will interact with the very openly gay theater community( i.e. all of the male dancers in the ensemble) . I'm sure he has gay people on his personal staff currently, but it's not as easy to live openly gay in hip-hop circles, broadway is a totally different ball game, being gay is an uspoken requirement. lol!

Regardless, I'm sure he's going to light up the stage. I think I feel a trip to New York coming on.

Ok I think by now everyone knows how I feel about Janet. There is no other entertainer like her, she's everything that Beyonce wants to become. If you haven't heard her new single "So Excited" with rapper Khia( i.e. my neck, my back) then you are truly being deprived of the hottest sh** to hit the airwaves in a long time.

Once upon a time Dejavu was on repeat on my iPod but not anymore. Ms. Jackson and her fiancee' Jermaine Dupree have totally outdone themselves this time around.

The track samples an old Herbie Hancock cut called "Rock It", and without a doubt the new track lives up to the original name.

Listen to it for yourself here . Get excited !

Every now and then when I’m channel surfing I come across a show that is engaging and thought provoking, this doesn’t happen often but this was the case when I tuned in to Sharp Talk with Al Sharpton on the TV One Network .

Al and a small panel of three African-Americans, a Republican White House aide and minister, a writer, and a advocate for the Independent political party, discussed the need for blacks in America to flex their political muscles. Blacks have the ability to be the strongest minority group in this country.

It is always assumed that if you’re black you’re a democrat. Truth be told, blacks are represented in every major political party including Independent.

For a long time issues that affect the black community have been ignored by Republicans and our support for democratic candidates over the years has been taken for granted.

So what is a black person in America to do when you’re burnt out on both political parties and you feel like they’re out of touch with the real concerns of the people? One panelist believes you have another choice, vote Independent.

I will personally vote for anyone regardless of their political party who speaks to the issues that directly affect my quality of life.

One interesting observation about the President and his administration was made by Mr. Sharpton that was music to my ears regarding Bush’s fascination with same sex-marriage. “Marriage has nothing to do with the presidency. Bush used gay marriage as a wedge issue to divert attention from the real problems facing Americans”.

This wasn’t the first time someone had the courage to be honest about the gay bashing that happens in The White House, as always it’s just nice to hear the truth for a change, and that’s something we rarely ever get from the current administration.

Check out Sharp Talk with Al Sharpton on Tv One on Sundays at 11:30 P.M. EST.

Over the weekend I had 2 back to back going away parties and now I'm tired as hell! On Saturday night my friends joined me for a night of dancing at "The Catch" and on Sunday we hung out at The Abbey in West Hollywood. If you guys are ever in L.A. you definitely want to hit up these two very popular nightspots. Above are some pics from the festivities. Thank you guys so much for coming out, you really know how to make a guy feel special.

I guess now I should start packing. I don't know why I always wait unti the last minute. Only 72 hours left before the roadtrip begins!

If you're a man of color who has sex with other men and are not aware of the current HIV statistics for this particular group then you've probably been living in a cave for the past few years.

According to a recent study conducted at The International Aids Conference in Toronto last week things are not starting to look any better.

The numbers are more dire for gay men of color: 4% of them between the ages of 15 and 22 are currently infected, while 15% between the ages of 23 and 29 are infected. At an average annual rate of increase in new infections of 4%, three quarters of black gay men in the latter age category will be infected with HIV at age 50. (Source: Advocate.com)

Where is the outrage? Where are the ministers and community leaders? Now is the time for us to come together as a community and committ ourselves to eradicating this virus that is claiming the lives of so many people.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you're not infected with HIV then you're affected by it. Why do we wait until a disease hits home before we rally up the troops for combat?

HIV is definitely not the death sentence it once was, but it's entirely preventable. Positive people are living longer and healthier lives thanks to the current medications that are available. But if you don't have to include combination therapy in your lifestyle, wouldn't you want to do everything not to make that a reality?

It's time out for the excuses, "I just don't wanna know", what you don't know might actually kill you.

Brothers get tested and encourage your friends to do the same. Education is crucial to prevention. Don't allow the fear of not knowing and the stigma attached to HIV to cut your life short. Be smart.

For more info on HIV/AIDS click here .

So I'm growing extremely restless waiting for the release of 20 Y.O. on Septemeber 26th and I'm grateful these new pics of Janet have been released to tie me over.

As always Janet looks flawless ! Can you believe she's 40 years old? Enjoy the images of a true icon, Ms. Janet DamitaJo Jackson (Dupree?) .