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3 comments | Wednesday, March 12, 2008

This post is the brain child of an loldarian.com affiliate who wished to remain anonymous. It's a thought provoking piece that I think everyone can relate to on some level. We look forward to hearing your feedback.

The Tragic Homosexual

I have been teetering on the idea of talking about the dynamics of gay, and straight relationships. I for one am a successful, attractive, outgoing black male in a booming metropolis [Atlanta] and I am single. I casually date, and often times reduce myself by logging onto sexually laced websites like Adam4Adam, Men4Now, and Black Gay Chat, but I find it incredibly difficult to analyze the totality of a 3-D individual from a one dimensional profile. So I decided get a dog this year. Hey, I figured it would be better to come home to an object that has the ability of loving another unconditionally then to come home an empty apartment. And while on the surface my story might seem depressing, or empty. Once you begin to analyze the many intricacies of my life I think you would find that my life isn't all that different from many people in today's society. Well, except for my being content with my choices.

Gay or Straight we are in a time of isolation. It seems that we are so geared towards creating plentiful lives for ourselves, by way of our high demanding jobs, whether they be one or more that often times prevent us take the time to invest in each other. Gay or Straight most of us come from shaky families where the "Family Matters" mantra was out the minute the show was cancelled. Thus making the average person a little hesitant to open up as quickly as others would like. Gay or Straight we've grown up with the ideals and principles of never settling for what we just don't want. Gay or Straight everyone is struggling with relationships.

I'm sure my incoherent rants may have you puzzled but I assure you there is a method to my madness, and a point to this commentary.

I have a friend of a friend who recently separated from his wife about a year ago. After many years of trying to live the façade of holy matrimony - my friend of a friend decided to come out to his wife and attempt to live his life – and "with no apologies". After separating from his wife and dabbling into the gay dating scene he managed to get involved with a porn star and build a life together. They dated, moved in, and attempted the "American Dream" all within a few short months. And like all rushed relationships, it abruptly ended with all the drama, and high-octane antic that even the most salacious episode of Jerry Springer couldn't make up. Suddenly my friend of a friend finds himself involved in a domestics dispute. After going through the motions of all the drama my friend of a friend bitterly decides to move on. Well after another year of casual dating my friend of a friend decides that he would rather go back to his wife and just be married then to deal with this [and I'm quoting] "empty lifestyle". And that's where I have my issue.

Since when did the gay lifestyle become some empty? Why is that we as men, or hell, as people don't assume responsibility for our own actions? Why is that when a relationship doesn't work out, which if we're being honest is probably based on some poor decision that you made, we blame the lifestyle?

I mean lets have a real talk moment. Most of us value a 32-inch waist over principles, value and virtue. Most of us are looking for that 10" pole in between their legs rather then a great personality. Yet when we go after those superficial notions, and we end up with an STD or a broken heart we blame the lifestyle, and never ourselves. And additionally, why are so many gay men under the idea that the straights have it any better? I mean many of us love Sex In The City for the shoes, and Samantha's unwavering sexcapades. But at the heart of that miraculous HBO drama is the message that dating is hard no matter who you choose to sleep with.

In conclusion I am just so over the tragic homosexual who allows their bad choices of men, and relationships erode the idea that love is possible. You can embrace single hood for all its glory, or you can simply put more value into your decision to find a mate and truly live happily ever after. But please, just stop blaming the universe for your bad choices.


<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Gay men who come out after reaching full adulthood and having had a het marriage, have a lot of catching up to do emotionally. While others (either out gays or straights) were living their authentic lives, these men were in denial about their true selves. Once out in the light, they have to figure out what that truly means for them. Jumping into the first relationship that comes along and expecting eternal bliss is about as realistic as the high school teenagers who date and expect to live happily ever after. In both cases, there is a lot more growing up to do first.

I also agree with the writer's comments on our isolation. We have become a nation of individuals, moving amongst one another but rarely connecting on any deep or meaningful level.

March 13, 2008 10:02 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...


May I have permission to cross post this on my blog? Thanks.


March 13, 2008 12:48 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Nice post. I too hear SGL men blaming the lifestyle when a relationship fail instead of looking at their own shortcomings. Relationships are difficult period, you just have to be willing to work through, learn, and grow as you experience each one.

March 13, 2008 3:47 PM


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