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13 comments | Saturday, January 30, 2010

Now that marriage equality has become a reality for gay and lesbian couples in Washington, D.C. the addition of Mike & Jon, two D.C. residents and our newest couple to participate in our popular Coupled Up series is really special.

Washington D.C. boasts one of the largest black gay communities in the U.S. next to Atlanta, yet stories reflecting the lives of black same gender loving people in the district or political activism on behalf of this minority group is scarce.

Mike & Jon made headlines earlier this month when they walked out of the notoriously homophobic Greater Mt. Calvary Church in DC after being subjected to an anti-gay sermon condemning marriage equality.

On loldarian.com we celebrate this couple’s courage to live authentically and to love each other fiercely. This is Mike & Jon’s Coupled Up.

Mike & Jon on how they met:

Mike: I knew of Jon for about year or so prior to meeting him since he was on my yahoo messenger list and we were both members of a yahoo group called Brothaz United (BU); I was more of an active member, where as Jon more or less just read the e-mails. Jon and I both attended a BU bowling event, and I initially thought he was attractive but extremely quiet so I didn’t pursue him.

Jon: I got a new job and I was working with one of the moderators of the group; he invited me to several functions but I kept blowing him off, I eventually went to a bowling party they had and I saw Mike; we said hello and that was about it. A few weeks later I saw Mike at a bar in DC and we talked a little bit, exchanged numbers and would text each other once in a while. We eventually hung out and hit it off. We’ve been in a relationship almost 2 years.

Mike & Jon on whether or not they imagined this relationship would be long term:

Mike: When I met Jon he was so quiet, and by his mannerisms I assumed he was the type of gay man that was hyper masculine and would think I was too effeminate for him. But after our first date I knew he was the one for me. We talked all night and we had so many things in common like our military background, family life, tattoos, and future goals. That very night I knew I had found my soul mate.

Jon: Honestly I thought Mike would come over to my place we'd talk a little bit, have sex and that would be pretty much it; a lot of times that's what happens with gay men. I was ready for a relationship, but I had given up on it ever happening. Once he came over and we started talking it felt like I had known him my entire life. I knew that night Mike was the one for me and I wanted him to be my life partner/husband.

Mike & Jon on their courtship: Proceeding with caution vs jumping in:

Mike: They say that gay relationships move at the speed of lightening and fall apart even quicker. So in the beginning I knew that Jon was going to be in my life for the long haul, but I was unsure if he felt the same way. So in the beginning I just took it day by day, and after two months we moved in together. I know some people may say that we moved too fast, but in my heart I just knew that he was the one for me. I’ve been in relationships before but I never had the feelings that I have for Jon. It’s hard to put it in to words. We just really clicked on so many different levels.

Jon: I knew the first night Mike was the one for me, and I think he felt the same way. We proceeded with caution because neither one of us wanted to put ourselves out there and end up being hurt. After about the second month we both knew the relationship was serious. I was always at Mikes place and I eventfully moved in with him, that was a big step because I gave up my place and independence for the man I love; but I haven't regretted it at all.

Mike & Jon on the reaction of family & friends when coming out individually & as a couple:

Mike: Jon first met my relatives at a family cook out, I know it was probably overwhelming for him but he had a good time and my family loved him. Some of my friends were really supportive and happy that I had met someone, especially since a lot of gay relationships do not last past the first week. Others were kind of pessimistic and tried to put their own negative issues onto me. But as you can see I did not let those friends influence my relationship.

Jon: Some friends were genuinely happy that I had found someone who I loved and wanted to be with, and some friends were jealous because we didn't hang out or talk as much as we used to. My family embraced Mike as their son in-law as soon as they met him. They have only met one other person I was in a relationship with, so for me to bring Mike home to meet them
they knew the relationship was serious.

Mike & Jon on the myth that committed black gay couples are non-existent & success depends on dating another race:

Unfortunately, as black men a lot of us have grown up in broken homes and have not been able to witness a strong healthy relationship (gay/straight). So in turn we grow up believing that relationships don’t last, so we don’t put forth the effort to maintain one.

Luckily, Jon and I were both reared in families where we were able to see how a healthy relationship works. We both understand that there are going to be good time and bad times; and with that mind set if we have an argument we focus on the issue, we don’t hit below the belt or resort to name calling. And in any relationship you must have trust and respect for each other. We would never do anything to cause hurt and harm to each other.

Jon: I think in gay black relationships a lot of times couples are too quick to throw in the towel and give up instead of working things out; where as a gay white couple will try and work things out, even if that means going to counseling. Me and Mike made a vow in the beginning of our relationship to be committed to stay together, and to work out any and every issue together.

Mike & Jon on the obstacles of maintaining a healthy relationship as SGL men of color:

Mike: A major obstacle that I’ve noticed is that many gay men have too many people involved in their relationship. A lot of men tend to tell their friends and the world if they’re having problems in their relationship versus talking out the problems with their partner. And some men fail to realize that everyone that you call your friend is not really your “friend” and may not have your best interest at heart.

Jon: Not being willing to compromise: With me and Mike we are both willing to compromise on any and everything; sometimes you have to know when to back down and to pick and choose your battles. I think sometimes we as black men are confrontational and have an attitude.

Communication: You should be able to talk to your partner about anything.

Support from friends and family: I think it's best to surround yourself with positive people who respect and nurture your relationship, not people who are jealous and want to see you single and bitter like they are; it's also best not to tell people anything personal that's going on in your relationship. Trying to mimic heterosexual relationships: A lot of times gay men think because one person is a top (the man) they should do certain things and if someone is a bottom (the woman) they should do certain things, not realizing that you are both men and regardless of what you do in the bedroom you're still a man.

Mike & Jon on marriage & the importance of legal recognition:

Mike: Jon proposed to me last year!!! Once the law passes through Congress we plan to get married in DC.

Jon: Yes, we plan on getting married here in DC as soon as it passes through the congressional review. It's very important to have legal recognition, we want the same rights as heterosexual couples.

Jon on the proposal:

Jon: It was my idea to get married; I proposed to Mike last November. I told Mike I wanted to show him something down at the Jefferson Memorial (we went walking down near the Jefferson Memorial on our first date). We got down to The Memorial and he kept "asking what were we doing down here"? I told him to close his eyes and when he did I got on my knee and asked
him to be my husband.

Mike & Jon on starting a family:

Mike: We are currently going through the adoption process. I’m so excited about this step in our lives, because I never thought that I would be a parent.

Jon: We just finished going through adoption classes and are now in the process of having our home study done to make sure our home is ready for a child. We want a little boy between 4 and 10 years old. If siblings are available we would like siblings as well or a little girl. I'm excited because I never thought I'd ever be a parent.

Jon on keeping the flame burning in their relationship:

We have a date night once a week, we take mini trips often, we work as a team with everything, we are both equally yoked, we're open and honest about everything, and we remember at the end of the day we both love each other and any problem/situation can be worked out.

Many thanks to Mike & Jon for sharing their love with us.

1 comments | Friday, January 29, 2010

I have to thank my friend and colleague Rod McCullom for bringing the latest video from Broadway dancer and YouTube sensation Marcus Bellamy to my attention.

Our cyber love affair goes back a couple of years with Bellamy when he was first featured on loldarian.com after the release of his dance video to Janet Jackson's Feedback, he has since become the object of desire by a growing number of both men and women.

Marcus channels his inner Lady GaGa in his newest video as he dances and lip-synchs to "Monster".

Marcus can also be seen in the new season of the hit webseries Drama Queenz.

Get into the video below:

Here's a first look at Janet Jackson's new cover photo for the Feb/Mar issue of Wonderland Magazine. The website explains that the physical magazine will hit newsstands on February 5. Another new photo of Janet from the same issue was also posted on the web site yesterday afternoon.

I have a feeling Ms. Jackson is coming back to slay the kids in 2010. A new CD, book, & movie. I'm ready!


You may be aware of the controversy brewing over CBS's decision to air an anti-abortion ad starring Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow and produced by anti-gay group Focus on The Family during the upcoming Super Bowl. Well there's another ad produced by Go Daddy.com featuring an overweight effeminate retired football player named "Lola" who pursues a career as a fashion designer that has been flat out rejected.

This is one of two potential Super Bowl ads that have been leaked featuring black actors that have been particularly troubling.

A second ad for the gay dating site Mancrunch shows two white men passionately kissing after sharing a bowl of chips with a presumed straight black man looking on in disgust. Both ads miss the mark in my opinion and reinforce the belief that all black gay men are effeminate & over the top (not that there's anything wrong with effeminate men if that's your authentic self) or all straight black men are homophobic and are freaked out by the something as simple as a same-sex kiss.

According to CBS officials the Mancrunch ad is still under consideration while the Go Daddy.com ad will thankfully never be seen beyond the internet.

Watch both ads below and tell me your thoughts.


You may not recognize this couple without the lavish backdrop of the wedding that was seen around the world when photos from their special day were lifted from their Facebook page and began to circulate online late last year.

Minnesota married couple Michael-Cole Smith & Jamil Smith-Cole may have endured months of criticism after being thrust into the spotlight but are now embracing their role as pioneers and role models for black gays and lesbians who desire to wed.

Minnesota's WCCO, an affiliate of CBS interviewed the pair and asked about the online controversy and their current work in the fight for equal rights for Minnesota's LGBT community.

"When the person took the e-mail and sent it out, it was probably meant for some type of evil, but a lot of good is coming from it, a lot of good is coming from it," he said.

"We were put on the forefront, the pictures are now a portrait of equal rights," Jamil added.

In October, the couple spoke at the State Capitol, pushing for same sex marriage.

"In the black community we're representing a group of people who are non- existent", says Michael during his October address.

When you see us I want you to see the people who aren't as fortunate. We want to be the face for all the young black kids who are coming up who have the desire (to be married) but it's being crushed;all of the young adults who are striving to find love like we have-because all of the words that are being used to describe marriage defines us-that's what we have".

"It's not a choice for us, it's just what comes natural. It's what we feel as human beings," Michael said. "I live here, I live in Minnesota, I need to be legal here. I need to have my marriage rights legal here in this state."

The Smith-Cole's were gracious enough to offer loldarian.com their first in depth interview following the online controversy and subsequent Morehouse College incident that cost one employee her job after she circulated a homophobic e-mail about the couple.

The pair are also a new addition to the growing list of faces of the NOH8 Campaign.


Look up the word underdog in the dictionary and you'll probably find a picture of Kelly Rowland. The former member of Destiny's Child turned solo artist brought down the house on The George Lopez Show last night with her #1 hit single "When Love Takes Over" with electronica mastermind David Guetta.

Rowland is currently in the studio working on her third studio album. She and Guetta are nominated for best dance recording for When Love Takes Over at this Sunday's Grammy Awards.

Get into Kelly's performance below. She was definitely in her element.

0 comments | Thursday, January 28, 2010

US Army & Iraq War veteran Rob Smith has penned a powerful reaction piece to President Obama's call for the repeal of the military's discriminatory 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' policy and the lifeless reaction from military leaders during the president's recent State of The Union Address. Obama's announcement to move forward with plans to repeal the ban in 2010 was met with enthusiastic applause by most.

Smith takes these folks to task in his Huffington Post column who are insistent upon bolting the closet door shut on gay and lesbian soldiers while revealing the damage the ban caused him as a gay soldier.

From The Huffington Post:

I'll tell you what serving in the military under DADT did to me: It made my sexual orientation a secret shame which was never to be discussed under threat of dishonorable discharge and revocation of my benefits. It kept me distant from my fellow soldiers, for if I were to slip up and say a little too much about the real me for even a second, I couldn't trust that they wouldn't turn me in and end my career in a matter of weeks. It stunted my emotional and sexual development as a gay man so much that I was in my mid twenties before falling in love for the first time, something that happens for most people in their late teens. It sent me into the wrong places looking for the romantic affection that my heterosexual fellow soldiers were able to openly practice, discuss, and experience without the threat of disciplinary action. Most hurtful of all, being constantly reminded through DADT that my sexual orientation was bad, wrong, and perverted instilled a feeling of worthlessness in me that took years to undo following my honorable discharge from the military.

Having been an out gay man for the past 6 years following my service has allowed me to realize I couldn't have been more wrong about myself. I'm not worthless. My sexuality isn't "deviant," nor is it some secret shame that needs to be hidden so that the military establishment can continue to delude themselves into thinking they're doing the right thing by keeping military "values" firmly in line with something out of the 50's. To those "leaders," gay veterans aren't your dirty little secret anymore. We're not going to shut up, or go away, or stop shouting until those like us who currently serve are able to scream as loud as we are without the threat of disciplinary action. Thank you to President Obama for seeing this and acknowledging it, and shame on the alleged leaders of our military for continuing to remain so blind and so willfully ignorant.


The New York Daily News is reporting a very troubling story involving NFL San Francisco 49ers cornerback Eric Green and New York transgender woman Angelina Mavilia that is already screaming a classic case of transphobia.

Mavilla has filed a 10 million dollar lawsuit against Green claiming he forcibly sodomized her and is also suing the city of New York saying she was abused and humiliated by the police.

From The New York Daily News:

The two met in a Scottsdale, Ariz., casino in early 2009 when Green still played for the Arizona Cardinals, the 38-year-old East Side woman says in papers filed in federal court in Florida, where Green was born and lives.

They went back to his condo, where Green, 27, assaulted her, she charges. He then got "extremely agitated and threatening," according to court documents, and warned: "This never happened. You'd better not tell."

In the local case, Mavilia says she was dehumanized after being arrested for trespassing in a Manhattan housing complex on Oct. 30, 2008.

A female cop twice demanded she take off her bra and panties and then peered at her genitals, according to court papers filed in Manhattan Federal Court.

"It's a girl!" the cop is claimed to have yelled.

At Manhattan Central Booking, a correction officer ordered Mavilia to strip yet again and put her in a cell with a man.

"You're not fooling me; I know you were not born a woman," the officer allegedly mocked. "I can see your plastic surgery."

The thread on this story on the NY Daily News website has already turned particularly nasty and transphobic with many blaming the alleged victim in the case for deceiving Green and referring to Mavilla as "it" and "him". Loldarian.com will continue to follow this story as it unfolds.


You've got to see this one.

In a week where disgraced Rev. Ted Haggard appeared on Oprah to announce that he no longer has same-sex desires and has been completely cured of "the gay" loldarian.com comes across this asinine two-part interview by relatively unknown Christian artist and "ex-gay"J-Elijah from an appearance on the Jamaican broadcast "Smile Jamaica". Yep, you read right. Another delusional American "ex-gay" contributing to Jamaica's already violently homophobic culture.

The Brooklyn, NY resident and Howard University theater alum puts his degree to use in this interview because as far as I can tell it's all an act.

J-Elijah claims to be cured of his homosexuality but readily admits that he still finds men attractive. Uh huh...I'm sure he does.

And if you haven't heard for a while how your sexual orientation is a result of a birth defect, overbearing mother, absent father, or childhood molestation then J-Elijah reminds you because it's clear (at least to him) that God doesn't birth homosexuals.

Well God made you J-Elijah.

2 comments | Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Well this will be a teachable moment for Ms. Behar.

Joy Behar who is a fierce advocate on behalf of gay rights may have raised a few eyebrows yesterday on The View by implying that "monogamy doesn't hold the same weight for gay couples as it does for straight couples".

To Sherri & Elisabeth's credit (believe it or not) they challenged the perception that monogamy isn't important in same-sex relationships and encouraged Joy to ease up on making such a broad generalization.

This discussion is particularly timely given the heated debate over loldarian.com's recent couple profiled in our Coupled Up series who were honest about exploring threesomes within their long term relationship.

Reactions to Behar's comments have been mixed. " Joy is a longtime LGBT advocate, and these comments (which she qualified as being just her own understanding) don't at all change that. They simply highlight our continued need to bust down old stereotypes which paint "gay" as one certain thing. She seemed more than open to the possibility that she was off -- so this is an opportunity to inform, not chastise", notes blogger Jeremy Hooper of Good As You.

I think if we were to be honest about what really happens in our relationships, both straight and gay, we would find out that the traditional model simply doesn't work for everyone. But in our desire as gays & lesbians for our lives & relationships to not be viewed as the "other" we've adopted the heterosexual model that is clearly failing them.

I'm sure you have an opinion on this so let it rip.

h/t Good As You

Love this! You're looking at the result of one NYU student's venture into the world of small business with the creation of this pretty cool political graphic t-shirt collection.

Nate, creator and owner of The Factionist clothing line gives us the background on the popular tees with such slogans as "Prop 8 Sucks" (my favorite) and "My Religion Is To Do Good".

"The first line launched on March 1st, 2009. But The Factionist was never conceived as a shirt company - my goal has been and always will be to bootstrap the profits into growing the business into a true fashion brand. Designers, stores, the whole-she-bang."

Well if you're a fan of graphic tees like I am, especially tees that make a statement check out The Factionist online here.


We're now learning that pop icon Madonna almost performed her hit single "4 Minutes", a duet with Justin Timberlake from her last studio release Hard Candy during the Hope For Haiti Now Telethon via rehearsal footage video now posted on YouTube but opted to go with the more appropriate "Like A Prayer" at the last minute.

Madonna has experimented with almost every genre of music during her illustrious career, so why not gospel? In this "inspirational" arrangement of 4 Minutes Madonna is backed up by a black gospel choir and we know wherever there's a black choir there's bound to be black gays. And Lord they are giving us Sunday morning praise and worship to the max in this clip!

Somebody should have told Madge she'd never be able to compete with the stage presence of black church queens. Watch the kids church clap all over Madonna beginning at the 0:16 mark.


At the end of every season of American Idol I vow never to watch again and I was serious about this promise I made to myself after Adam Lambert was robbed of the title last season, but then contestants like Jermaine Sellers and Andrew Garcia continue to reel me back in.

Garcia's rendition of the Maroon 5 hit "Sunday Morning" on last night's audition episode from Los Angeles was arguably one of the best.

A 23 year-old father from Monreno Valley, CA, Garcia's rough upbringing surrounded by gang activity in Compton, California and the music he used as an escape provides the backdrop for an inspiring story that will no doubt resonate with viewers.

If you're an Idol fan then Andrew Garcia is definitely one to watch this season. Get into his audition in the video below:

| Monday, January 25, 2010

Working on two articles, one of which I look forward to sharing with you next month via one of the largest websites for African-Americans on the net. Will resume updates Wednesday morning.

18 comments | Friday, January 22, 2010

It's a new year and I'm pleased to introduce Francois and Brandon as our first couple to be profiled in our ongoing Coupled Up series. While many of us may have made resolutions to find true love in 2010 this Wilmington, Delaware couple have been in love and making it work despite the odds and on their own terms for several years.

The pair are apart of Relevance TV, a breakout new YouTube channel serving the African-American LGBT & straight communities at home and abroad. They're currently engaged.

Francois & Brandon on how they met & how long they've been together:

Francois: We met on a website called D-list back in march of 2007.

Brandon: Its kind of like a gay version of MySpace. We’ve been together 3 years.

Reflecting on the early possibility of their relationship becoming serious:

Francois: OMG, I had no idea; he told me online that he had never been with a guy and was on the DL. I was a very devout Pentecostal at the time so I kind of figured I would let him have his experience and then I would go to church during the next revival and get “delivered” …AGAIN… and that would be that.

Francois & Brandon on their courtship: Proceeding with caution vs jumping in:

Brandon: After about a month we knew it was serious when we accidently told one another we loved each other.

Francois: Yeah..it was crazy.. we were boo loving on the phone after about a 4 hour conversation; as was normal for us, living an hour apart, at the time; and just as we were about to hang up I said depressingly, “ok…I’ll….talk to you... “and before I could finish he replied, “I love you too.” And hung up. So I was like, OMG and called back after being flabbergasted and said, “did you just say you love me? And he said, “Uh..yeah, you said you loved me”, I said, “No…I didn’t… but I do,” so from that point it was the beginning of where we are today.

Francois & Brandon on the reaction of family & friends after coming out individually & as a couple:

Brandon: No one believed me and they all thought I was going through a phase, my mom even initially questioned whether or not I had been abused as I child sexually in order for me to like guys, which I wasn’t.

Francois: My family already knew I was gay but Brandon was the first I introduced as a boyfriend, they didn’t acknowledge his existence and said they would continue to pray for my deliverance. After the second year they had to accept the fact that he wasn’t going anywhere and so now everybody’s cool.

Francois & Brandon on the myth that committed black gay couples are non-existent & success depends on dating another race:

Brandon: Some people do like other races, I don’t have any boundaries when it comes to love, my life partner just so happens to be black, and I would admit that culturally its easier for me to be with someone who is black. As far as commitment, honestly, I can’t speak to that because I don’t know many black gay men, at least openly gay that is. Commitment is possible for anyone, regardless of race, it depends, in my opinion, on the persons psyche. Some people are naturally loyal and others are not.

Francois: Well, to me, I believe that commitment is definitely possible, we’ve been committed for three years, now ….. if you ask about monogamy, that’s different. We are no longer monogamous. Monogamy simply means that we only sleep with each other. We recently decided, over the last few months to entertain threesomes. We only do it with a person that we both select and are attracted to and it's strictly for fun. We can stop at anytime and it not affect our relationship at all.

We’re not lacking the desire for each other- it’s just a different arena we decided was okay for us to explore together. Because we do have threesomes from time to time, we can no longer be considered monogamous. Committed, absolutely, monogamous, not so much. Can two people be together and be monogamous, sure, but it’s rare and typically evolves dishonesty and cheating. Thankfully, we are more than just lovers, we are best friends, so there is none of that. (Brandon Agrees)

Francois & Brandon on the obstacles of maintaining a healthy relationship:

Brandon: We think differently, how we overcome this obstacle, whether it be our future residence, or the color of our bedroom, we each state our position and if the other doesn’t want to concede to that point of view we meet in the middle.

Francois: Communication is the key, if we don’t like something the other does we speak to it immediately. If you don’t like the way I chew food and it’s a pet peeve of yours, and you never say anything, I will continue to annoy you and not know it. The next thing you know we’re having unnecessary arguments because you have become irritated with me to no end and now we're breaking up due to irreconcilable differences when a simple, “Baby, I hate the way you chew food,” would have solved the problem.’’…LOL

Francois & Brandon on the importance of marriage to their relationship:

Brandon: This is very important, mainly because we want certain rights and protections for each other. And protection for our kids when we have them. It’s definitely not to validate our relationship, we don’t need a piece of paper to define our love for each other.

Francois: If I were to die right now, he couldn’t claim my body or make final decisions because we aren’t married. If we have children we would have to jump through hoops to both be declared the fathers of our children. There are over 1,200 rights and protections bestowed to those who are married. It has absolutely nothing to do with religion, sanctity, or morality. It has everything to do with fairness, protections, and civil rights.

Francois & Brandon on who proposed to whom & how:

Brandon: Honestly, we didn’t even have a formal proposal, It started as commitment rings on our 6th month “anniversary” and from that point, as time progressed, we discussed marriage through conversation and we both stated that we want to spend the rest of our lives together….not the answer you were looking for, corny..we know..lol.

Francois: And besides our commitment rings were real; diamonds and all and there is no need to buy new ones until we actually get married..lol

Brandon on the fact there marriage won't be recognized by the state of Delaware:

Honestly, it makes me feel bad that the state that I reside in won’t honor our license due to us being gay. However, it pushes us to fight a little harder for our rights because this is a civil rights issue not a morality issue. We didn’t choose to be gay just like heterosexuals don’t choose to be straight. Now, if they do think that being straight WAS in fact a choice then that’s a whole other conversation that needs to be had. (Both laugh).

Francois on their plans to start a family:

We plan to have our best female friends act a surrogates for carrying only. We will choose the eggs from a donor of our choice and then have our friend carry the two children. I will inseminate one egg and Brandon will the other and they both will be carried by our surrogate.

Francois & Brandon on the role religion/spirituality plays in their relationship:

Brandon: Spiritually we feel we were brought together for a reason, because there were a lot of things in our past that occurred that caused us to meet online that night.

Francois: Brandon was never religious and I come from a strict apostolic background. Through education and research I’ve discovered that being a part of any religion is not necessary for my success in life. We don’t fear a hell nor do we look forward to a heaven.

Brandon: We were non-existent before we got here and will be non-existent after death. So we accept the fact that no one knows. We rely on love to keep us together.

Francois & Brandon on how they keep the flame burning brightly in their relationship:

Brandon: Staying in shape!!!!, Don’t get me wrong we will still love each other if we get out of shape but sexually it won’t be the same..that’s real talk.

Francois: Yes, absolutely, stay in shape.. How you get em’ is how you keep em’, he advertised biceps and abs when we met and I expect to get what my time and love paid for..lol. So we both frequent the gym to stay attractive for each other and ourselves. We role play and other kinky business.

Brandon: You gotta keep it fresh and exciting. When things get boring the relationship dies.

Francois: I often pretend like I don’t know him and when he walks in the room from work or the shower I still get excited and start lusting. So yeah we stay sexy and keep it interesting.

Alrighty then! Many thanks to Francois and Brandon for sharing their love with us.


The hit webseries and loldarian.com favorite Drama Queenz has finally returned with the second episode in their brand new season after taking a rather unusual break in between shows.

"That's The Way It Happens" delivers more of what fans have come to love about the gay series that focuses on love and auditioning in New York City. And it looks like lead character Jeremiah, played by Dane Joseph, may have a new love interest and he's very different from the object of his affection seen in the previous season.

I really wish some network would pick this show up already. Get into Drama Queenz episode 2 below and tell me if you're enjoying the show (or not) as much as I am.


Normally a story such as this would be a blip on my radar but because of the utter foolishness that has ensued after one "urban blog" (lawd I wish some of their servers would crash) ran this story it caught my attention.

Apparently, fashion designer Marc Jacobs is in love with "skorts" and has partnered with H&M to introduce a line specifically for men in their 2010 Spring Collection.

“It’s not really a kilt,” he explained. “It’s kind of like a kilt and a short.” Jacobs says he discovered his love of the skort during his design process: “I did a lot more skirts in this collection for women than I usually do—we usually do a lot of pants. So I bought this one, and I discovered how nice it felt to wear. They’re comfortable, and wearing it made me happy, so I bought more. And now I just can’t stop wearing them.”

Now cue the sheer ignorance from homophobic black folks who seems to think the world will come to an end if they see men in major cities walking down the street in Jacobs' creation.

"Damn… We can only imagine what the streets of Atlanta, New York and L.A. are about to look like!!!"

All I can do is shake my head. The social norms that have been ingrained in us from birth is quite scary to me at times. Get into the craziness here via Bossip...I know...I know.


When you travel as much as I do then you have an opportunity to read quite a few books. Here's three great reads by black gay authors that literally leapt from the page to the point where I wanted to tell everybody to pick up a copy.

Dwayne Vernon's My Man, My Boyz. Vernon has written two additional novels since this debut but this intriguing story about men coming together as family is unlike anything I've ever read before. The characters are fully developed and Vernon's strorytelling ability is exceptional. Vernon pulled me in from the very first page and didn't let go until the last. It's a must read.

You know you're in for an interesting ride when you pick up a Lee Hayes Novel. He's hands down one of my favorite black gay authors and he never disappoints. Hayes has assembled some of the best fiction writers for Flesh To Flesh: An Erotic Anthology. As I was reading this book I found my self challenging each story to see if the next one could possibly top the last...let me tell you it's a "hot & sticky" page turner. Whew! You definitely don't wanna read this in the company of others. Black gay sensuality at its best.

Mama Dearest is one of two final novels from the late E. Lynn Harris. Arguably one of the most important black gay authors of the last twenty years, Harris delivers in this book with all of the drama, suspense, and characters we all love and love to hate. Yancey Harrington Braxton, Basil Henderson, Raymond Tyler Jr, Ava Middlebrooks, & Nicole Stovall Springer are all back and in rare form.

If you've read any of these books or if they're currently on your list I'd love to hear your thoughts.

| Wednesday, January 20, 2010

On location at the Renaissance Hotel in Atlanta for the 2010 Black Gay Research Group Summit. I will be tweeting & blogging the summit on loldarian.com. You can follow my tweets here.

1 comments | Tuesday, January 19, 2010

You may recall reading a post on the resurgence of black LGBT people in San Francisco's Castro district late last year and the organization behind creating a more welcoming atmosphere for gay people of color-The Stop AIDS Project. The video accompanying that particular post caused the comment section to become quite heated as many debated whether or not black gays and lesbians should be fighting to be visible in the heavily white populated gay mecca with a history of racism toward non-whites.

Terry Dyer, program manager for "Our Love" a program within The Stop AIDS Project works to prevent HIV transmission among all gay and bisexual men in San Francisco through multicultural, community-based organizing. The goals of the Our Love Program are two-fold. The first is to bring education, outreach, advocacy and awareness about HIV/AIDS prevention to the community. The second is to address the increasing isolation of the black, gay community.

One of the ways Dyer is changing the face of the Castro is through a monthly event called "Blackout" where black gay men can be seen in large numbers throughout many of Castro's gay bars.

Dyer recently spoke with Poz Magazine about the efforts of Our Love, black gay men and HIV, his own positive status, and diversifying the Castro.

From Poz Magazine

In the videos on the Stop AIDS Project’s website, a lot of people talk about bringing diversity back to the Castro. What is that all about? Why is it so important?

The Castro is really the gay mecca of the world. When people think of moving to places where they feel comfortable and where others are accepting of their sexuality, I think people tend to flock here to the Castro. About 30 to 40 years ago, there was a large presence of African-American gay men here who felt accepted and like they belonged in this community and were a part of it. Over the past 10 to 15 years that has changed drastically.

What happened to change it?

Property values and taxes started to increase. The economics drove people out of the Castro. In addition to that, five to seven years ago, I believe, there was a big scandal. A bar owner in the Castro started carding and, some people felt, specifically targeting black people when they came to his bar. In addition, the same bar owner bought out and took over the only black club in the district. With that establishment gone, [gay black] people stopped coming into the Castro as well.

Is the area now regaining its original flavor as a diverse gay mecca?

We’re trying to. It’s definitely a work in progress. We’ve been developing more allies, people who believe in what we’re trying to achieve, but there still are a few bumps in the road that we have to negotiate. We go out to different bars to help build community. Our goal is to confirm our presence in the area so we can build acceptance. We also do more work outside the bars, too, that focuses on building community. These efforts are inclusive. People from all walks of life are invited to all of our events.

What has been the response to these initiatives?

I’d say that 80 percent of the people who have been to either our community events or other programs have been fully supportive. I have to admit that when I signed on to this position, I didn’t realize the magnitude of it. I receive e-mails, phone calls and text messages from people throughout the community saying, “Thank you so much for what you are doing,” and “This really is changing the face of our neighborhood and our community.”

I get messages from people who aren’t African American stating, “What you are doing is wonderful.” We have different Facebook pages and blogs and Twitters. People post comments that support and thank us for the work we are doing. They tell us it’s needed and it’s nice to see that the diversity is starting to come back to an area that is supposed to be so accepting and comfortable for diverse groups of people. But with the good, we’ve also got to take the bad. We do receive negative comments as well. Black gay people have told us, “If you don’t feel accepted [in the Castro], go somewhere else—go across the bridge to Oakland or move to Atlanta where there is more of a black presence or a black gay community.”

You say that this is from within the black gay community in particular? I don’t understand that.

We receive negative comments from time to time from various members of the black gay community, and those are typically the folks who choose not to come and hang out in the Castro or have decided to move away from the Castro for various reasons. But, to be honest, we welcome negative feedback because that allows us to use it as an educational opportunity, to let them know what our motives are. And what’s driving us is to let people know the common denominator here is we are all gay and we should all be able to work and play together.

Watch the work of Our Love in action in the video below:

Part 2: Gay Black Men in the Castro from STOP AIDS Project on Vimeo.

5 comments | Monday, January 18, 2010

There is no shortage of opinionated gay vloggers on YouTube, but often times the message that is being conveyed is convoluted by hidden agendas and desperate attempts for the next viral video hit or fleeting moments of fame. So when I came across this video by vlogger Kevin Dwayne I was honestly touched by his sincerity and the story that prompted him to share this incredible message of self-acceptance.

A little over a week ago Kevin received this message on Facebook from a close friend of ten years. The message appears on this blog just as it was written:

Kevin,... I love you, you know that and you also know, God's word tells me that your lifestyle is in contradition to His Word.I am going to ask you to DELETE our entire family; (you may always send us a personal e-mail if you choose) but I think that if you DELETE us. It will be less difficult on us, than to see the STATUS you post, which causes us mixed emotions...
of sadness, and despair, and sometime anger... So.... because I care for you, and the others in our family... I am going to respectfully ask for you to DELETE our entire family.

That means everyone.

Kevin.. this is SOOO HARD FOR ME TO WRITE THIS.. but I cant do it anymore.. I cant see your status, your posting and your photos its too hard.. Its hard to see you go down a road I dont believe in. We have known each other for 10 years and through thick and thin (I want to say) but Kev there has to be a line. I should of stood up and drew that line so many years ago but I didnt. I pretended it wasnt happening and I pretended it didnt hurt but I cant pretend anymore.. I am sorry.. but the line is drawn. PLEASE delete us all of us.

In 2010 this is still a reality for LGBT's when making the very personal decision to come out. The possibility of losing family and friends is still a real fear for those who can't bare living in the closet but are too afraid of living with the consequences of telling the truth.

Kevin's response should be used as a tool for everyone in this predicament. Watch it in the video below.

The Black Gay Research Group will hold its annual summit on Wednesday, January 20, 2010 at the Renaissance Concourse Hotel in downtown Atlanta. The Summit will highlight the scholarly and creative/artistic contributions of those who study the lives of Black gay men from a variety of interdisciplinary perspectives.

The Summit’s daytime program is organized into four featured topic panels, including:

• Untying Tongues: Black Gay Men , Sexuality, and Health
• Black Gay Communities and Creative Cultural Practices
• Best Practices for Innovative and Culturally Relevant HIV Prevention for Black MSM
• Beyond Borders: International Perspectives on Black MSM

Click here for a detailed description of each panel.

The summit kicks off at 8:30 am with a continental breakfast followed by the first session beginning at 9:15am.

BGRG will also celebrate the achievements of scholars and activists in the field who exemplify a commitment to the health and well being of Black gay men with its first ever BGRG Awards. Awards will be presented at an evening reception.

E. Patrick Johnson Ph.D., Chair, Northwestern University Department of Performance Studies and author of "Sweet Tea: Black Gay Men of the South" will present the keynote address.

To register for the summit please visit the official website here.

Loldarian.com will be live- blogging and tweeting from the summit on Wednesday.