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4 comments | Tuesday, August 21, 2007

For the past few months I've been involved in one of the most amazing relationships I've ever experienced and it's taken all the strength I have not to write about it here on this site. I'm learning that there are some things that I must keep private, after all it only takes one google search to find out some of the most intimate details of my life. I've hinted at the fact that I'm no longer single in previous posts but I haven't discussed it until now, but an incident that occured over the weekend has forced me to break my silence.

Everyday that I live I learn something new about people and about myself. For years I allowed my family's issue with my sexuality to become my own. A ton of bricks were lifted off my chest the day I came out only to have those bricks stacked again from the deafening silence, cold stares, looks of dissaproval, and religious condemnation from the people who promised to love me unconditionally.

Their acceptance meant everything to me, I could deal with rejection from strangers but I needed my family to love all of me. I honestly didn't think that was too much to ask. Well after twelve years of being out I'm learning that it is and unlike before, now I don't give a damn!

I look at my immediate family and they all have the lives they wanted or at least the lives they thought were safe and attainable. I'm the rebel, the black sheep, the one who has never been afraid to take risks, oh...and the gay one.
My mom and dad have been married for over thirty years and my sister has been married for two and just gave birth to her first child two months ago...yes I'm a proud uncle. Do I not deserve the same? Am I not supposed to desire a long term relationship with a person who will be just as good to me as my father has been to my mother and my brother-in-law to my sister because I'm gay? Well judging by the look on my sister's face when she came across pictures of my boyfriend and I in my camera I'm sure her answer would be no.

To know my sister or even me is to know that we don't have to verbalize our feelings because it's usually written all over our face, and her face read DISGUST! The old Darian would have been offended and hurt, but it's a new day and I've learned it's her issue and not mine! I'm slowly making peace with the fact that I will probably never be able to introduce Trey( that's his name) to my family, or invite them to my wedding, or have them be apart of their grandchild's life(i'm foreshadowing...stay with me). It stills stings a litle bit, but life goes on. They've created their happinness and no one asked me for my approval when they were making their life decisions, so my happiness cannot depend on them. I'm in love and although I'm sure life would be a little less stressful if Trey were packaged as Tyra Banks, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.


<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

understand this, most gay black men have families just like yours. you are brave enough to stand up and stand out. i applaud you. we could cure an entire list of ills hovering over our community if brothas could be open and honest and free from fear. if we stared negativity/disapproval in the face and smiled, it would be lovely days here on out. darian, spread your courage.

August 22, 2007 1:11 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

lol what the hell were you actually doin in those pics on your camera??

is there a "rest of the story" ?

you will surely outlive your parental units. planning for your own life and happiness is the way to go !!

August 23, 2007 4:08 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

My favorite part of your essay, aside from the happy life you have planned for yourself, is when you say your family didn't ask your permission before they found people who they love and who love them. I wish more homophobes and families would realize this. Having that simple viewpoint would do away with so many problems.

August 23, 2007 6:17 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

@Darian: I am so happy for you! If there's one black gay person I know who deserves love is you. Good points on how family can be.

I agree, no one comes asking me for approving of their relationships or new loves. I think we need to stop looking for a stamp of approval, and just try to be happy. I know we all want to share our feeling etc. with our close love ones, but sometimes we won't be able to.

I also feel that it is selfish of some family memebers to have their people meet their standards. It's selfish! If you're in love and happy, why can't others just see the love? All that is not call for.

The bottom line Darian is to be happy, and love who you know you're deeply inclined to love, and not expected to love. I wish you the best, and so many more!

August 24, 2007 1:32 PM


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