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10 comments | Sunday, June 03, 2007

Last week I posted a story recapping the memorial day event Sizzle in Miami . For those of you who are unaware, Sizzle attracts thousands of Black gay men from all over to party in one of the hottest cities in the country.

I make a valiant effort not to restrict the comments that readers leave since I value everyone's opinion and I welcome the dialogue. But last weekend as a result of my post, dozens of "anonymous" Black women wrote exactly what they thought about Black gay men and it was not pretty. I usually ignore those who leave hateful comments and don't even have the courage to leave their name, but I knew that so many other women shared their views and it didn't sit well with me.

After reading their thoughts I got together with two Black women and discussed their perception of Black gay men and their reaction to the comments that were left by their peers. The ending is abrupt due to technical difficulties and my waiting to the last minute to get this done, but check it out and make sure to leave a comment.



<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Hey...I loved the discussion! Didn't see the original post to which you are referring but I will search for in shortly. Anyhow, I TOTALLY agree that there needs to be more discourse on the subject, but there also needs to be a willingness of both sides to make change. For instance, gays need to accept the fact that IF YOU DON'T SAY YOU'RE GAY IT IS ASSUMED THAT YOU ARE STRAIGHT...those are the only two options. Thus, carrying on any type of relationship (except a professional one...it's NOBODYs business in the workplace) is deceitful because you know the paradigm in which you are relating to this other person and vice versa. What irks me is that there is this overwhelming need to conceal it ("can't nobody out me", "if I don't want to tell these bitches it's not their business")...why? People can only take you, or leave you. If you care about them so much that you want them in your life, then you should expect that they have a certain level of respect for you as a person. Perhaps this is the reason so many people are so quick to say that "something made you gay"...becase a person who can hold such a secret from the people who they KNOW love and care for them is clearly suffering from trust issues, which generally result from some other emotional trauma. Personally, I have a much greater respect for those who are able to be who they are. I don't say "be open" because there is no need to wear a sign or a flag...but just be who you are- when asked, when it comes up casually, when it is "insinuated". As for the DL folks...I have no respect for it on any level. Most basically- I don't condone cheating at all under any circumstances. If you are just dating, I don't see the big deal in saying "I'm bi" or whatever. But if you are supposedly in a committed relationship, that is unacceptable.

For straight society, we need to come to a point were we can just accept a persons gayness as we accept some people's preference for jean shorts to proper slacks: it is just a part of who that person is, that shouldn't be the determinant of how you feel about the person. We shouldn't be so swift to persecute or judge.If we can come to a place where we can just DEAL with one another hopefully relations will improve for us all. I also think that there should be an alliance between gay men and straight women to expose DL men (to their partners)- because nobody deserves that regardless of orientation. It is unfair to all parties involved.

Lastly, I my personal conclusion on how people end up gay is as follows: 1/3 are gay b/c its "cool" or the flock factor, 1/3 are gay bc they were traumatized, victimized, or are hiding from unresolved life issues, and 1/3 are biologically gay (thirds were used for ease of explaining). I don't think that a logical, rational person can deny that it is naturally occuring (it's in every species of mammals that we know). As a religious person, I don't think it is ok for society to advocate homosexuality- and thats mostly b/c of the social implications of it (i.e. the other 2/3). (No matter what you say humanity would come to a halt if everyone were gay). Despite what people may do, my religion does not advocate the harassment of gays UNLESS they are seen by 3 people conducting lewd acts in the public sphere- and the same law applies for hetero's. Oh yea... and we believe in equal protecion under the law.

This has been my two cents. If you're still awake :)

June 04, 2007 5:47 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

June 04, 2007 3:41 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I don't know if this is off topic or not, but I would like to say that not all bisexual men are DL and simultaneously banging both sexes. I am a bisexual who is currently in a mongamous relationship with a man, and if I were in a relationship with a woman I would be completely honest with her about my sexuality as well, and it would be up to her whether or not she wants to pursue a relationship.

June 04, 2007 3:44 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

THAT WAS GREAT! I agreed with alot of the statements that were being made. But i'm thinking was Art playing the role of the homophobic black women or was she just expressing her views, towards the end of the video. I just wanna be clear on that? But that conversation was great and very informative for me as a black gay young adult male in a VERY small town. :)

June 04, 2007 7:52 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

What every black woman SHOULD know about a black gay man is that they are not real men and nothing is good or acceptable about their "lifestyle" and their pride will lead them to hell.

That is what ALL black women should know.

June 04, 2007 8:44 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Oh captain, you're so deluded and in denial.

June 04, 2007 10:55 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Hey Brother enjoyed the convo

June 05, 2007 12:02 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

too many stereotypes and so much individuality and the lack of knowledge leads to confusion. What these black women should know about gay men is how to understand why they chose to be the way they are.

there are so many "reasons" and "excuses" people put forth to why they are gay and why they act the way they act and I have come to realize that if you aren't opem minded to hear and take in the response dont ask any questions or pass any judgements...

June 07, 2007 10:30 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

@Captain: if the road to Hell is paved with pride, you are on a superhighway aren't ya?

June 07, 2007 10:22 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Thank you so much for your valiant efforts on behalf of Gays and Lesbians. Unfortunately, as a mixed-race Gay man who has primarily dated Black men AND Black women all my life (yes, I know some would say I'm Bi, but I consider myself Gay first, but I do love women too) I have also seen the bigotry from some of my Black lovers and friends extend not only to Gays of all colors, but to other races in general that aren't Black. Therefore, I see the bigotry against Black Gay men, Gay men in general, and mixed-race couples as just more expressions of bigotry, narrow-mindedness, insecurity, and hatred that some people insist on hanging on to. Bigotry isn't just about race or sexual orientation. It is about the need some people have to pidgeonhole others as less than human, as an excuse to be hateful. Sadly, I've been the brunt of many disparaging "dinge queen" remarks from some of the very same Black men that I've dated when they were with their Black Gay friends. I think it just comes down to many people being insecure and hate-filled because that's the only way theu can feel like they're better than the rest of us.
Keep up the great work, Darian!

June 08, 2007 12:03 AM


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