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17 comments | Thursday, May 10, 2007

In the wake of the latest Coco Dorm controversy and a recent outing to see the sexually driven film Boy Culture (which is excellent by the way), I've been pondering over the widely held belief that all gay men are promiscuous. You've heard people say before that being gay is all about sex and that gay men cannot maintain long -lasting relationships. I've found myself in the middle of many heated debates on this topic and my belief is that all men regardless of their sexual orientation are built with a strong apetite for sex, and unlike most women they are capable of performing the act without being emotionally involved.

So to say that all gay men are promiscious is an unfair generalization. How many of us have straight male friends who are constantly competing to see how many women they've slept with; as if they're going to get a trophy for being in the triple digits? This behavior is not only condoned in many circles but it is considered an example of true masculinity.

I can only speak for myself, but the drought I've been going through the past couple of months alone proves this theory to be false. I personally respect myself enough not to share my body with complete strangers. I'm not professing to be an angel because God knows when I first landed in New York City in the late 90's I did some things I'm not proud of now. But when you know better you do better.

You would think that the reality of HIV/AIDS and it's impact on the world would be enough to curb the need for unprotected sex but that's not the case. People have been having sex since the beginning of time and 25 years after the start of the epidemic we're not slowing down. I believe that anyone who engages in sexual intercourse should be mature enough to use a condom and ask the important questions that could affect their health, and if they're unable to do those two things they shouldn't be having sex at all.

Much of the hype around gay promiscuity has been the platform of the religious right. They've used it to invoke fear and divide people who are uninformed, knowing they will accept anything from clergy as fact. So many of us are trained to accept what we're taught and not dare ask questions. Sounds like a form of brainwashing to me.

The belief that gay men are more promiscious than any other group is just ridiculous. Can we just tell the truth and say men are promiscious, it has nothing to do with their sexual preference. But why would we want to separate the two when it's become a recreational sport for some to demonize gay men?

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<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Oh please...

May 11, 2007 9:18 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

This is certainly a good discussion to have. The way in which you shape your argument raises red flags for me. Our society is so divided right now. We are trained to see everything as gay vs. str8, black vs. white, men vs. women, democrats vs. republicans, etc. This polarizing look at sexuality is often overly generalized and based on very false choices.

We all know that every man is not the same and to that end every woman is not the same. Sexuality and sexual expression is unique to every individual. The most powerful thing we can do is teach our children, friends and family to respect the individuality of people. I know its much easier to fit people into neat groups, but I think it wholly disrespects the uniqueness of God's creation.

Im reminded of the words of the Apostle Paul to the Galatian and Colossian Church.

Galatians 3:28
There is [now no distinction] neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:11
[In this new creation all distinctions vanish.] There is no room for and there can be neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, [nor difference between nations whether alien] barbarians or Scythians who are the most savage of all, nor slave or free man; but Christ is all and in all, everything and everywhere, to all men, without distinction of person.

Peace and Blessings


May 11, 2007 9:23 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

LOL, I was going to write "oh please", but I see Captain took it over. So I'm going to say ...

"Oh paleeze"

May 11, 2007 9:32 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I see this is just my week to ruffle some feathers. My question is why is it so easy to accept the idea that all gay men are promiscious? I'm not trying to say we're all angels and are innocent victims of this horrible stereotype, but it seems as if some of us are okay with accepting this label. Now that concerns me.

May 11, 2007 9:49 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Albert, I totally disagree and the scripture references are misused.

May 11, 2007 11:01 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...


May 11, 2007 11:35 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Captian when it comes to issues like this, you really show how bias you can be! If you claim to be out of the so-called lifestlye, why are you here? It's obvious you're the only one here who' confuse, and vile inside!

May 11, 2007 1:04 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Injustice MH: I think the subject matter is about promiscuity, not "Captain". Refer your comments about the post Darian provided.

May 11, 2007 1:58 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

@ captian- LOL! CAptian, I am fully aware of the subject of this post. This post is to bring some logical thinking that it is NOT just gay men who are very sexually active. But YOU captain seem to have your mind fix on verbally us on any related issue concering not just gays, but straights also!

Another thing, why don't you like the spot light on you? It's ok we know, but your ignorance, self-loathing, and confusion is your own problems. This is not the place to act out for attention!

May 11, 2007 3:05 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Injustice MH: Again, this matter is not about me. I am not here for any attention. Promiscuity is one avenue that creates problems with fidelity, relationships, health matters and families. I am not saying heterosexuals don't cause problems, but the gay community has their own demons too!

May 11, 2007 3:28 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

@Captian: You have a hell of a nerve to call me injustice, when you stand for injustice and bigotry!

Ok it's not about you. Demons? Here you go with that again. It's nonsense anyway! Yes we all have problems, and we must face them to solve them!

May 11, 2007 5:58 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...


May 11, 2007 8:18 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Darian I think you're an amazing person. I just dont care for the topic of promiscuity in the gay community. Who cares how many sexual partners anyone has--regardless of their sexual orientation.

If someone thinks that I'm promiscious because I'm gay, I quickly dismiss that notion, only because it's sterotypical--and thus, expected from someone who isn't in the gay lifestyle. You composed the quesiton, why is is so easy to accept the idea of all gay men being promiscious?

I think its because having sex in our community means being validated, accepted, its fashionable and crazed. That's why its ok to accept that idea. Until we can pass the notion that being sex means being attractive then perhaps gay men will reject that label.

May 12, 2007 12:22 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

"promiscuity" is defined as sex outside of marriage or a civil union.

except for us up here in the MA and VT who may have taken the plunge, all gay men who have sex are having promiscuous sex, as are heteros in the same situation.

what in hell are you all arguing about?

FYI I figure the Captain to be bisexual, since I am sure when he has sex.. he is undoubtedly by himself.

May 12, 2007 4:11 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

words to remember (chicago house party shooting):

"Just because two individuals walked or busted into a party and start shooting where fags were doing vogue dances and acting like women doesn’t mean hate crime. Fags are known to provoke and start stuff because they feel they can be so bold and never count the cost of their actions.

You can’t hide behind the gay law provisions forever….stuff happens!

Posted by The Captain at 6:40 PM (Jan 2007)

May 12, 2007 8:22 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

more words to remember from Chapter 12 of Know the Devil Before You:

"What you may think is “gaydar” that is actually the demonic detection of another familiar spirit. Spirit knows spirit and homosexuals can spot someone in a crowd by a demonic allegiance by recognition, thus this is how homosexuals know one another. (Proverbs 6: 12-19). Homosexuals use the eyes, feet and fingers in detection of another familiar spirit and the expression of a homosexual spirit in operation."

Posted by The Captain at 1:19 PM 12 February 2007

May 12, 2007 8:26 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I am a gay male, but not promiscuous in any form. However from what I've witnessed and know, the gay community does publicize sexual-related discussions and *encourage* promiscuity more-so then heterosexual environments.

I'll give three examples based on observation.

1. Many Gay bars and clubs incorporate an area where men can have sex with other men whom they've just met that night. I have never heard of a bar/club aimed for heterosexuals providing the same thing (brothels and gentlemen bars don't count - as the comparison to them would be a gay bathhouse/sauna).

2. Most gay dating sites advertise pornography and other sexual vices, whereas many of the heterosexual sites may be suggestive at most, but not exploitative.

3. Orgies and group sex is discussed openly by a large percentage of men within the gay community which encourages curiosity for those who havent indulged in such activity. Whereas only a small percentage of heterosexuals would only discuss such matters in more selective environments and often while under the influence of alcohol.

Whilst promiscuity is acted upon by both heterosexuals and homosexuals, I'd say that there is a much higher percentage of promiscuous gay men.

And on another side-note, the probable cause for why more gay men practice unsafe-sex then heterosexuals is because there isn't the deterrent of pregnancy. If heteros knew they could have sex without the consequence of child-birth, there would be a lot more unsafe sex.

August 16, 2008 7:41 AM


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