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19 comments | Thursday, September 17, 2009

"There's a notion that if brothas are having sex without condoms we're suicidal"- Activist Craig Washington

It's almost impossible to talk about barebacking, raw sex, or receptive sex without a condom, which ever you prefer-without the inevitable HIV/AIDS monster creeping into the discussion.

However, one would have to be blind or living alone on an island not to notice the prevalence of raw sex in adult gay films and perhaps in many of our bedrooms. This behavior persists despite the alarming increase of HIV/AIDS in the black gay & heterosexual communities.

Have you ever been in the heat of the moment and asked your partner to strap up only to be told, " I'm allergic to condoms, or I can't feel anything with that jimmy hat on, or my dick will go soft if I put that on"?

Is the fantasy of raw porn spilling over into the reality of our sex lives and putting us at risk not only for HIV/AIDS but a host of other STD's? Can two consenting adults ever have responsible raw sex?

Don't hold back. Discuss.


<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I have lost three relatives to AIDS and I have a relatively harsh view of barebacking.

It's only okay if you are in a committed relationship and you are damn sure that he is not creeping on you and you aren't creeping on him.

I do not care how treatable HIV is right no, it is still a death sentence. How long you stay on death row depends on luck and taking your meds regularly, but I would rather never having to start the regimen in the first place.

September 17, 2009 3:12 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Raw sex,barebacking both are just terms for unprotected sex and I dont think its ok! If we want to continue to have sex throughout our lives without contracting an std we need to use condoms everytime and even use dental dams for oral sex.If we really cared for ourselves and the men we sleep with, then we would wear protection.Today there are all sorts of condoms x-large regular, ribbed, ultra-thin,warming gel,etc.So I think we have some choices as to the feel of condoms.In this era that we live in,Hiv/Aids,we really cant afford to have raw sex and I speak from personal experience.I believe I'm Hiv and std negative because whenever we have sex we wear protection period!!

September 17, 2009 3:20 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

this is a really beautiful photo, its so artistic captures so much

September 17, 2009 3:20 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Between two negative individuals in a committed monogamous relationship, it is fine. However, this obviously involves a great deal of trust because you could potentially be putting your life in someone else’s hand.


September 17, 2009 3:30 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I think two consenting adults can have responsible raw sex. Responsible sex, yes, but no matter how you slice it raw sex is not safe. I personally wouldn't compare raw sex to an attempt at suicide. I do think the more we try to rationalize against barrier methods as a means of protection the more cases of HIV we'll see simply because as it stands condoms are our best bet. There are other options out there but so few people can get them. Condoms are readily available and proven to be effective.

Don't get me wrong I get it, raw sex feels great! I've yet to experience raw sex but I've heard nothing but good things. I'm sure it's wonderful. One thing that always sticks out in my mind is the fact that sexual pleasure in itself ephemeral.In the grand scheme of things these feelings and sensations aren't long lasting. So I guess my question:

Is raw sex worth it?


What are we getting out of it aside from a good nut?

September 17, 2009 3:35 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Wanting to have raw sex is only natural. That is how sex was intended to be. It is more personal and feels good too. So that desire is definitely understandable. The problem is the elephant in the room.

It simply comes to whether you want to pay roulette with possibly contracting something that will weaken your body's immune system, cause you to have to take medications, is currently incurable and possibly cause death. Or for the sex to feel good but just not as good.

September 17, 2009 5:24 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I think that people should do whatever they want to do, its not for me or anyone else to judge.

Some of these brothas here are so Ignorant, and alot of these comments give off a prejudical tone about Persons with STDS/HIV.

IF a persons chooses to bareback, its there decision, i am sure 99% of Gay African Americans know the risks! They do! just like 99% of people know the risks of smoking, alcohol, driving unbunkled, becoming overweight and not exercising, WE ALL KNOW THE BEHAVIORS that can cause bodly harm and death.

If a person wants to bareback its his decision, judgements from other peoples about his behavior will not make him stop, it only causes him to do it descreetly. IF a couple wants to bareback its thier decision, what other people do to thier bodies, is their concern.

Unless you have some cognitive delays, We ALL are able to make a conscious decision to screw safe or unsafe, no one holds a gun to you head and forces you too, and if you choose to bareback, you either dont care about the risks, or pretending they are not there, which is the same thing. If u dont wanna see raw porn, DONT WATCH,

Now a seperate issue is whether people who have stds/hiv/aids lie about thier status, that a completely different issue and should not be condoned.

But Screwing raw, You can ignore it, block it out, dont practice it, be a HIV educator, but as GAY PEOPLE we already know that condenming, judging, preaching against, attacking, screaming against, and defouling, DOES NOT ELIMINATE NOR DECREASE A BAHAVIOR, PEOPLE HAVE TRIED TO DO IT AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY FOREVER, and look where that is today.!

September 17, 2009 6:13 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I don't think you should but your life in anyones hand. Not even the person who says they will love you for life. Even in long-term relationship I think that you should protect yourself 100%. We all have slip ups with our partner or outside partner. That one time could be the last time. What is monogamy??? I think it's far and between... Know one knows it any more.

September 17, 2009 6:52 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend or partner for 5 years. We stopped using condoms on our 1st year anniversary and he gave me ring 6 months later. He was the first I ever been with unprotected. However, I continue to get check for STD's every year. So far we are still negative. We love each other so much and want our relationship legal; needless to say we live in the south so we can't. I don't think its nothing wrong for committed and mature adults have unprotected sex. Do hetero married couples have protected sex? Or is it different for homo committed/married couples. I use to worry that my man may slip up because he's human and there are always whores lurking. I try not to think of that and focus our love and relationship. Or am I being ignorant?

September 17, 2009 7:47 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I know HIV counselors, who are HIV positive, who have bareback sex with individuals who may (or may not) know the HIV counselor's status.

The ideal approach is for each gay man to "wrap it up" for each act of sexual intercourse. And use "dental dams" or some type of barrier for each act of oral sex.

Every HIV-negative gay man has to make a decision as to what he will (or will not) do when it comes to sex. If the decision is to practice "safer sex" then he must practice safer sex with EVERY partner EVERYTIME for the rest of his life IF he wants to remain HIV-negative for the rest of his life (unless he has an HIV-negative partner that he, in fact, trusts with his life). It's really that simple. Or is it?

Would you trust a gay man WITH YOUR LIFE? Or are all (almost all?) gay men whores?

September 17, 2009 8:15 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

One of my biggest fears when growing up and being sexually active was catching HIV. With being told how AA's were most affected by HIV naturally scared me. I've always practiced safe sex no matter what. Even if its a one night stand or a committed relationship I will always use a condom. Can't affort to take any risk.

September 18, 2009 1:32 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

This is September 17, 2009 8:15 PM again:

I just wanted to add that the extremely high rates of HIV/AIDS among black gay/bisexual men makes the case for why black gay men should be in the forefront of the marriage equality movement.

Black gay men in MONOGAMOUS marriages is the only way to stop the HIV/AIDS epidemic among sexually active black gay men who don't want to practice "safer sex" during EVERY sexual encounter with EVERY partner FOREVER.

September 18, 2009 8:06 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I really think it depends on the people involved.Everyone these days no the risk of having unprotected sex.So if you choose to have raw sex be prepared for the consequences.

I find it odd when browsing most sites people "claim" they always use a condom.If that's the case why are numbers steadily rising.

Then you have guys who suck random guys off at parks,bookstores etc.Then say they don't have sex unless its with a condom.It seems crazy to me to suck without a condom and swallow everything.Then make him use a condom to penetrate you..Crazy!!!

September 18, 2009 12:41 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I have had raw sex in the past - I was in three relationships that I felt were pretty safe, we got tested and we talked though things before we went raw. It is a great feeling. however, I do not have sex with straingers unprotected - in fact, Now that I am single, I have decided that I will never have raw sex again. I am HIV negative and would like to stay that way. It took me some time to get there, but here are to things that really made me come to my conclusion:
1 - A month ago a guy that I knew, that I once had protected sex with laid in front of me in a casket, dead from HIV! This guy was amazing - nice body, great face, dreads, just all around sexy. When they opened the casket at his funeral - the 33 year old looked like a 60 year old. That was not cool.
2. I also have a friend who almost died from a urinary tract infection - the culprit was bacteria in the booty. Imagine that.

Yes - it is a death sentence, and rightfully so. Please wrap it up guys.

September 18, 2009 7:32 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

If Xtube.com is any indicator raw sex is here to stay in both the heterosexual and homosexual communities. The lure of raw sex with all the juices it brings oozing out of and entering into holes is just to tempting for some people. It's here to stay. Sexual health be damned.

September 21, 2009 9:55 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I think raw sex is okay when two persons in a committed relationship decides to be responsible for the sexual protection of each other...

September 21, 2009 7:23 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

This is clearly a hot topic!! Interesting discussion....

September 22, 2009 12:34 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I understand the potential risks associated with barebacking but I still prefer to have raw sex. I'm not on a suicide mission nor do I think AIDS is any less deadly today than it was 20 years ago. However, I LOVE unprotected sex and have been practicing it for at least 8 years or so. I've even had several HIV positive partners, all of whom I didn't know were positive at the time. I continually get STD screenings and still am HIV negative.

In no way am I advocating that people abandon their personal beliefs in favor of raw sex. This is just my personal preference and since I am totally NOT versatile and am never on the receiving end of any anal intercourse I somehow feel that I am not at as high of a risk of contracting HIV through raw sex. I know that will sound foolish to most, but if we're going to have real discussions I feel I should be totally honest. I'm not here to be judged and am not looking for anyone's approval. I'm just letting you know my reasons for why I choose to bareback.

September 22, 2009 5:06 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

To each, his own. I do what's good for me and I let people do what's good for them.

We all know the risks and we have all had the lectures given to us. We are adults and we all can make decisions for ourselves.

If you want to have bareback sex, then do it. If you don't...then don't do it.

Let grown folks do what grown folks do. It's none of my business what others do in their bedrooms, parks, alleys or bath houses...so why should I worry about it.

September 24, 2009 6:56 AM


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