Living Out Loud with Darian

I decided to dig deep into the archives for this post since Prop 8 in California has been weighing heavily on my mind as well as the repulsive effort by the opposition to involve children in the campaign in order to scare voters into passing the amendment.This was originally published in September of 2006 and I thought it would be appropriate to share again for those who missed it.





Recently I've been getting a lot of e-mail from readers, which is a testament to the growing popularity of my blog and my
myspace page.


This particular e-mail was sent to me on myspace from a guy named Derrick who had an issue with a picture I posted on my myspace page of a man holding a child with the words,"Would you stop loving him if you know he's gay"? I've cut and pasted his e-mail and my response below for you to read.


I LIKE YUR PAGE..
ALL BUT THE GAY MAN HOLDING THE BABYY.....
WHAT? NO U DONT HATE HIM IF HE IS GAY.
BUT YOU ALSO EXSPLAIN TO HIM REALITY. "I CANT CONTINUE YOUR LIFE LINE WITH MY LIFESTYLE"...
HE WAS BIRTH BY A WOMAN......HAY DARIAN, CAN
YOU EXSPLAIN POPULATION GROWHT OR DECLINE IN
RESPECT TO GAY AMERICA...I DONT SEE A FUTURE WITH OUT REPRODUCTION. OR DO YOU SEX A WOMAN JUST FOR THE SOUL PURPOSE OF REPRODUCTION AND THEN CONTINUE UR LIFESTYLE....NOTHING AGAINST ANYONE, BUT JUST FOR REAL THINK ABOUT IT. LETS PLEASE STAY IN REALITY.......DO U THINK GAY AMERICA IS PUSHING THERE ISSUES TO FAR.
MEANING WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO COMMERCIAL.


. PS. JUST BECAUSE WE COME TO TERMS WITH SITUATIONS DOES NOT VALIDATE THE ISSUES. SOME THINGS ARE OUT OF BOUNDS. NO? YES.....PSS.. AS FOR MR. DONNIE.. I THINK EVENTUALLY HE WILL COME OUT OF THE CLOSEST ALL THE WAY... BUT PREPARE FOR GRAVE REPORCUCIONS.....HIS SPIRIT AND FLESH ARE HONESTLY AT WAR. I ALSO THINK HUMAN BEINGS ARE VERY VERY WEAK, THUS GETTING FIMININITY AND GAYNESS CONFUSSED. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE GAY BECAUSE SOCIETY DEEMS YOU THAT BY APPEARANCE. LOTS OF GAY AMERICA WANT TO BLAME THE D.L AND GAYNESS ON SOCIETY, THEY SAY THERE COMFORT DEPENDS ON PEOPLE SUPPORTING. NO NO NO... SPIRIT IS REAL. ITS NOT COMFORTABLE, BUT THE FLESH GIVES A DAMN.......THATS THE REAL BATTLE...WE KNOW WHATS REALLY GOOD FOR OUR LIVES, BUT WE ALWAYS FIND VALIDATIONS AND RUN WITH THE ONE THAT CARRIES MORE EMOTION.EMOTIONS. I, U, WE LIE TO OUR SOULS ALL THE TIME AND EVERYDAY..


THE SPIRIT IS HARD, THE FLESH IS SO EASY...DO WHAT U DO. TELL ME IF IM OUT OF LINE, I THEN DIGRESS.......HOW MANY MEN DO YOU KNOW HAVE THIS BATTLE WITH SEXUALITY? LOTS.... WHY? BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THEY STILL HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIMSELVES..... MY BRO. IS GAY, I WORK IN THE INDUSTRY, SO IM IN THE WORLD, IM NOT JUST SPITTIN FOR CONFLICT....I LOVE ALL MY BROTHERS.....YOU SEEM LIKE REAL COOL PEOPLE .........GOD BLESS.......


My Response:
Derrick my brotha,
Before I begin to respond to your e-mail I want to thank you for being bold enough to speak with honesty, however misguided and uninformed I think some of your opinions are you spoke with conviction.


Your e-mail was sparked by a picture of a black man holding a child with the words"Would you stop loving him if you know he's gay"? You along with many other straight people seem to use children and reproductive issues as a way to demonize gays and lesbians. Have you forgotten that gays come from families and we have families of our own? The traditional family is not a reality for a lot of people in this country. We have single moms and dads as well as gays and lesbians raising children all over this country.


I know a mom and dad with 2 kids, a dog, a house on the hill, and a white picket fence is ideal in George Bush's world, but that only exists in the sitcoms of the 50's, it's 2006 and the word family encompasses a broad spectrum.


What about the married woman who can't reproduce?
Is she then shunned and considered less than, is her marriage and the love she has for husband null and void because she's unable to naturally reproduce?


You repeatedly spoke of "living in reality". Whose reality are you referring to? Your reality is not my reality or the reality of many of my other gay and lesbian brothas and sistas.


I'm extremely comfortable in my skin, and no it did not happen overnight, but I know who I am and I choose to live my life authentically.


As a dancer yourself I'm sure you've been exposed to gay men, have you once sat down and had a real conversation with them and asked to hear their stories?


So often people speak on issues they know absolutely nothing about. It's so easy to rush to judgement and stand behind religion to validate personal ignorance, hate, and homophobia.


Do I think the gay community is pushing their issues to far? Do you think our people pushed the right to vote too far, the right to enter through the front and not the back too far, to stand up and let the world know they were not going to be oppressed any longer,was that too far? The majority should never determine the rights of a minority, if that was the case we as African-Americans would not enjoy some of the benefits we have today.


If I could eradicate one word from your vocabulary it would be "lifestyle". My sexuality is not a lifestyle, it's a small but important part of who makes up the complete person that I am. That word has such a negative connotation, contrary to public opinion all gay men are not jumping from bed to bed having anonymous sex. I need you to stop perpetuating stereotypes and start "living in reality".


What is out of bounds is the idea that everyone's sexual orientation should be the same and if it isn't they should be ostracized, bashed, denied rights, and religiously raped to top it all off.


My prayer for you is that you step outside of all of the ridiculous rhetoric you've been fed for years and take the steps to respect and appreciate the differences in people, God's people.


Your black gay brotha,
Darian