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Thursday, November 09, 2006
It's that time of year again, Thanksgiving and Christmas is quickly approaching and in a black family that means it's time to go home to enjoy food and family, and in most cases show up to the dinner table with your significant other. But what do you do if you're gay and you're either not out to your family or your family refuses to acknowledge that you could possibly have a love interest?
I'm sure we've all lived through uncomfortable conversations with family members asking questions about the person of the opposite gender they expected you to bring home. What is a same gender loving person to do in this situation?
Well this is my plan. I will be driving home for the Annual Turkey Day Classic and dinner at my parents with three of my friends, Jonathan , Tramaine , and her girlfriend Riley.
My mom is estatic about the fact that Tramaine is coming home with me, finally she gets to experience the lie that has played out in her head for years, me showing up to dinner with a woman. I do consider Tramaine my girl/friend but not in the same sense that her actual girlfriend does.
It's definitely going to be an interesting dinner. Four same gender loving people in a room with people who don't understand who we are and refuses to acknowledge the truth even when it's staring them dead in the face.
There's this great T-shirt that reads "I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is". Wouldn't that be a sight to behold as I asked for bread?
I really want to believe that one day my family will embrace me and my boyfriend as two individuals who care deeply about each other. They believed I was just going through a phase, well that phase has been going on since the second grade.
Maybe they'll surprise me and act differently this time, I guess I'll soon find out.
By the way, did I tell you he's coming to dinner?
To be continued....
Labels: Coming Out
2 Comments:
I have thought about this post and I wanted to comment on your words with the hope of possibly bringing a different perspective o the situation. Darian, we are in some ways birds of a feather in that we are both from southern christian Alabama black homes. We both left Alabama in pursuit of place in the world as a dancer an artist and a person that is loved and accepted. After coming out to my mother she was relatively cool about the news, but I often say that a second coming of sorts had to happen after the first. In some ways I found myself having to go into a second, larger, closet after coming out of the first, with the disclaimer " I don't think that I am ready for you to bring a lover home..." That was a bitter sting I admit. However, since that time I have discussed my friends and also brought some friends home. To this date not an obvious lover.
What I wanted to say to you about the whole "guess who's coming to dinner" story is this. With our families it is not so much about bringing a SGL person to dinner as much as it is about the expectation of the type of person that you would bring home in general. I have an older brother that has brought home girls that did not go over so well. The truth is with the way our families are Image is everything. I know the group of friends that you are bringing home, and to be honest with you it has taken me thirteen years and living all over the world to open my mind to the diverse group of people that the two of us call friends. Face it our parents, well at least mine will live and die all within a 50 mile radius of the Alabama home where they were born. Cool and great as they may be it is going to take a very open mind and patient spirit to be comfortable with the vast variety of people that exist outside their church and community. I applaud you for pushing the buttons, challenging bounderies and keeping the south on its collective toes. Let me know how it turns out.
Live Out loud.
daryl.
November 13, 2006 3:17 PM
All I can say is "Oh Lord, the s**t is about to hit the fan." I will never see myself bringing a boyfriend to Thanksgiving Dinner. My dad is a pastor and he would try to rebuke me. lol.
November 17, 2006 2:36 PM
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