Living Out Loud with Darian

This post is a special feature by loldarian.com affiliate Cisco of Yo Cisco!.com


Can you pray your gay away? It sounds like a ridiculous idea, especially for those of us who have been through the hell of coming out and the confusion and shame of growing up gay. Some people still seem to think homosexuals can be reformed through prayer and somehow magically transformed into heterosexual. A recent article from the Associated Press reported that Sarah Palin’s church is promoting an “ex-gay” conference to its congregation, brought to Anchorage by the ultra conservative think tank, Focus on the Family. Whether Sarah actually believes in the “pray the gay away” movement has yet to be seen.


I can’t speak for everyone, only for myself, but praying does not make homosexuality go away. Don’t get me wrong, I gave it an honest shot. From a very young age, I knew I was different. When puberty set in, I was positive I was different. Prayer was one way I thought I could make it go away, hoping that one day, I would wake up and be straight. “Nothing is too great for God,” I thought.


Besides just praying about it, I lived it. I dated girls, as most gay men have, and became sexually active at 16. I thought that my love for women would grow if I kept my secret under wraps and concentrated on being straight. I thought that if I only prayed enough that I would no longer be burdened with the curse of being gay. I thought wrong. The gay wouldn’t go away. The desire to be with men only grew stronger. When I finally gave in, the sex felt so right but the guilt felt so wrong.


After countless nights of prayer I eventually came to the realization that the gay wasn’t going to go away. I reflected back on my life growing up and came to the conclusion that I was made this way. That’s right, God made me this way for whatever reason and it was up to me to accept it and be free or reject it and be miserable. I believe God makes each of us perfect in his image. He made us exactly how he wanted us. Who was I to tell him he made a mistake?

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