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Friday, October 05, 2007
The past 48 hours of my life have been a whirlwind. I decided yesterday to no longer pretend only a certain segment of the population are interested or have access to my blog. When I started writing a year and a half ago I would tell all of my friends that I wanted to be the next Keith Boykin, little did I know that was next to impossible and came with a steep price. All I knew was that there was something inside of me telling me that I had to stand up and speak out on behalf of a community that has been marginalized, misunderstood, mistreated, and characterized as sub-human and undeserving of the basic rights and priveleges that are afforded to every other citizen.
I'm a fighter. I always have been and I always will be. When most people would crumble in the midst of a storm or sink into depression or suicidal thoughts, I become pro-active and quickly devise a plan to get through it and on with living life. And God knows life has thrown some curve balls my way. But through all the pain I managed to survive and become a stronger person in the process.
So for the past year and a half my life has been on display for the entire world to judge and it was my decision. People I probably would have never given permission to know such intimate details about my life now do. Relatives have been forced to deal with the reality (or not) that a homosexual exists in the family and I'm the exact opposite of what the world says I should be. Promiscious, a threat to children, no reverance for God, lacking self -respect, and a threat to the institution of marriage. Do I regret it? No, because anyone who knows me personally or simply through this blog knows those characteristics don't apply. But beyond that I know for myself that this is not who I am.
But what about the young black boy in Alabama who's growing up in the same climate in which I did who feels different? Will he have the courage to know that despite what he's feeling or what is being said about people like him he is every bit as special as the next person? Will he be able to withstand the societal pressure to fix somethng that isn't broken? Will he be able to reconcile his orientation with his spirituality after being beaten from the pulpit Sunday after Sunday?
At some point the word GAY and everyone associated with it became utterly deplorable. These very same people who society deems unworthy of love and equality are sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, teachers, ministers, and soldiers. Not to forget HUMAN BEINGS.
But I know everyone isn't as strong as I am, so I write. I write for that black boy or girl who has been rejected by his family and his church. I write so he won't become the next suicide victim because he couldn't cope. I write so he doesn't have to cry himself to sleep at night begging God to change who he is. I write because I know what it feels like to be called a nigger and a fag. I write because I know what it feels like to have family hurt you more than any stranger ever could. I write because some brave man who decided to write saved my life. I write because I have no choice.
So here I am...exposed, naked in front of the world. You can judge me but you have to respect me.
9 Comments:
Just keep writing man!
October 05, 2007 10:00 AM
My Brother Darian,
I have told you this and I will say it again, you Sir, are a wondergul attribute to mankind. Your thoughts, words, and actions are a true example of what it means to be a strong Black man in America. Throughout the year of my reading your blog, I can not tell you the number of times, your writting has hit the nail on the head covering issues of Black America that mainstream media is afraid to tackle. Yes, you are a Black Gay Man, but your sense of perspective is beyond Black Gay America and has a universal compassionate appeal to all who come accross your writting. For me, I approach your each of your blogs as if it were Christmas morning not knowing what my gift will be, and exicted to know that whatever it is, its gonna be good! Thank you . I will support you in anyway that I can, even when we don't agree. Don't stop!
Love your brotha in the struggle
Adolph in Atlanta
October 05, 2007 10:34 AM
Beautiful words Darian. I see it as a symptom of the larger problem in society. Society at large is just a very biased and hurtful world. If they don't scorn us for being gay, they scorn us because we are a man or they scorn us for being a Christian (or for not beign one) or for being black or they scorn us because our skin is too dark or because our skin is too light or our waist size is too big or too small and so on and so on and so on.
This is the very essence of discrimination, judging us based NOT on our individual merit, but rather, on our membership in a class with assumed characteristics.
We live amongst some very superficial people in life, some very biased folk. We must learned to be thick skinned and rise above it all, if for no other reason than to show the world and ourselves that we are better than the scum they think we are.
October 05, 2007 2:53 PM
Ive never formally thanked you, but God has blessed you with such a gift of sincerity, empathy, and call for action...and because you use your gift for better good and as an outreach to the masses, you are that much more appreciated. I remember when i first starting blogging back in 2004, you were one of the first writers i came across and my eyes just couldnt fathom the subject matter of your blog...being both black and gay. I was having such the terrible ordeal learning to cope with what id become or even if i could deal with such a reality. but you were there, and i have so much respect for your candor and your message. Really it has meant the world for me. So, thank you, Darian.
October 05, 2007 4:20 PM
you are published and by virtue of being published you are a public figure. why pretend that grandma and britney were not reading your blog?
i read your stuff because it is well written. it says something. it tries to make a difference.
it makes me nervous when aircrew talk about being in a whirlwind for 48 hours though.
October 05, 2007 6:40 PM
Dearest Darian,
You are an inspiration because you live your life fully and you stand up for what you believe in. Plus you're funny, gracious, caring, and thoughtful! I heard someone say, "Live such a life that if everybody lived a life like yours, this world would be G_d's paradise." I think you are doing a great job of doing that!
October 05, 2007 8:57 PM
I just want to say thanks. Thanks for your courage, your fortitude, and your commitment to be yourself and by doing so helping so many people like me. Thank you very much.
October 06, 2007 2:06 PM
After reading this I must ask, what benefit is it to exalt yourself above God and humanity?
This relative identity with pride is a dangerous thing and you can cause judgement to come upon yourself. The very thing you exalt is the very thing that can destroy you, if it hasn't done so already.
October 09, 2007 12:10 PM
@ Captain- You know I thought about deleting your ignorant ass comment, but then I asked myself why would I deprive others from laughing at you and the way you seem to take everything I write out of context in order to show everyone just how uncomfortable you are in your black gay body. Don't you have anything better to do? Like going out on a date with a female or Charlene Cothran?
October 10, 2007 12:19 AM
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