Living Out Loud with Darian

I came across this picture as I was flipping through the latest edition of Atlanta's LGBT newspaper The Southern Voice and it somewhat affirmed some troubling feelings I'd been wrestling with all weekend long. As I walked through the park during pride weekend I saw many white gay couples and dozens of interracial couples. Now I'm as liberal as they come and I truly believe that love has no color, but I couldn't help feeling like the scorned black woman who was losing all of her potential mates to the other team. But on the other hand I wondered if I were missing out on love because I was determined to only have it with a black man.

If you've read any of my posts about my experiences dating then you know I've received the short end of the stick more times than not, and my last experience is just another addition to the list of relationships that have gone nowhere.

If you look at the picture closely you will see rows of smiling white faces and two black men that are almost impossible to pick out of the crowd. Are we not in commited relationships? I can answer that question for myself, I know that we are. So I guess the black couples who do exist are just not out, right?

Do white gay men know something we don't ? I refuse to believe that black gay men aren't capable of being in long term relationships or we don't care enough about an emotional connection to even consider being in a committed relationship.

What's sad is my experience almost supports the above notion. So what am I and brothas like me to do who desire a real connection with another brotha and the desire is not lining up with reality? Give up and date outside of the race? Hold on before you start to get all opinionated. I swear I'm almost to the point where I'm ready to throw in the towel and say goodbye to Raheim and hello to Hector and Billy. Not that I think it's going to be easier on the other side because building a real relationship with anyone regardless of race is hard work. But I'm not getting any younger and it's time out for games.

A friend told me that he thinks the lack of black gay long term relationships are a result of us not having a model to base our relationships on unlike our heterosexual counterparts. What do you think? All I know is that if I keep doing what I've always done I'm going to get the same result. So it may be time to try something different and women are not an option.