I guess when a few people or an entire community begins to drag your name through the mud or when you become the topic of conversation on countless phone calls, you can consider yourself a success or at the very least a public figure. It has been brought to my attention that people in my hometown of Montgomery, Alabama are not only reading my blogs and articles that I've written for various publications, but they are also acting as my judge and jury. Normally I would never take the time to address personal attacks because I'm a firm believer that I should only get worried when people stop talking about me and stop reading my work.
When I started writing this blog over a year ago I guess I naively thought no one in my family or the city where I grew up would ever read any of my writing. I honestly didn't think this blog would begin to play such an important role in my life and affect the lives of so many others across the country, but it has and I'm grateful. As far as I'm concerned I've always been out, so for people to act as if it's such a big deal that I'm gay is ridiculous and actually laughable. As a teenager if you approached me with the question and your intentions were good I didn't have a problem answering honestly then and I don't have a problem answering honestly now. It amazes me how people can be so quick to debase my character when they don't know me or haven't taken the time to clean out their own closet. What you see is what you get. I'm black, gay, and unashamed.
Does it surprise you that I'm not on the DL or I haven't entered into some false marriage and had multiple children? I know that is what is expected of so many gay men and because of their own low self- esteem and internalized homophobia some fall victim to these sham relationships. Well I refuse to accept this for my life and just because your pastor is doing it and your first lady is looking in the opposite direction doesn't mean it should apply to my life or yours. It takes a real man to walk in his truth despite how others may perceive him.
It's during moments like this I realize why it was so important for me to leave the south when I did. Montgomery, Alabama was too small to even hold my dreams. While you're sitting at home on the phone discussing my sexuality and why you think I'm going to burn in hell, I'm living life to the fullest and doing so on my own terms. You see there's an unbelievable peace you experience when you allow yourself to be exactly who God created you to be, whether that's straight, gay, bisexual, or transgender. I know you're not used to someone being so confident in himself when so many of my LGBT brothers and sisters have been taught to hate the very core of who they are, unfortunately for you that fire and brimstone shit never stuck with me.
I invite you to continue reading my blog and visiting my myspace page. Just because I know you're looking doesn't mean I'm going to censor what I write about. Now I'm more determined than ever to give you something to talk about.
Small towns are for small minds.
ReplyDeleteYou have soooooo outgrown those people.
Its funny. I left Montgomery 11 years ago and I've never looked back. I've always been me and never had a problem or was presented with problems about my sexuality. When I texted you yesterday about leaving Montgomery behind and the queens from there, this is what I meant. See even though people move to big cities they still have that small mentality. Its a comfort zone for them. Yes, you've outgrown Montgomery but you still associate yourself with the people who live their and are from there. These people have no goals, ambition, and zest for life. So if you continue to give life to what they say about you or keep them in your circle, then you're going to continue to have toxicity in your life. FREE YOURSELF!
ReplyDeleteI love you for the essence of who you are. I love the fiber of your being. Although, sometimes you get on my nerves......MERZ
Darian,
ReplyDeleteDon't let others people ignorance suck the life out of you. It will if you feed into it. Its like a leech sucking the life out of you. I see so much potential in you and you're such a go- getter. I saw the interview you did with Queer Kid of Color. Its funny because you know you're own flaws.....ie(butting in when others are trying to get their point across).....lol. I can definately see you being a reporter. Someone is going to notice your talent Darian and give you the opportunity of a life time. However, you got to be willing to give up the things and people in your life that no longer needs to be there. Wow, I'm kinda long-winded. You know I've been in your corner since day one and regardless anything, I always will be.
Another thought: I sometimes envy the passion you have for what you do. I'm on that journey to find that same passion and resilience that you have. Now that you're a Stedwardess....lol. I know you hate that, I hope to read stories about you traveling to places like Greece, Brazil, Tuscany, and South Africa.
MERZ
I left Jackson, Miss. years ago. Montgomery and Jackson are not so dissimilar. And though I'm sure there is a huge difference in our ages, like our hometowns, we have an enormous amount in common. I’m a black, gay, out, proud man living a happy, fulfilled, and meaningful life that is away from the small-minded bigotry that looms heavy over the place where I grew up. I love my family and those I left behind, but I wanted something more than that town could offer me; I wanted the chance to be me. Just the thought of the term “Down Low” tightens my stomach. Like you, I wanted more than that. Thanks for your blog. You are an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteDarian,
ReplyDeleteDon't address haters, it is so beneath you. I will call you when I get back from Paris!
Bon Nuit!
You know Darian, to a point I agree with you, but I have to ask, what benefit will it be to you, to gain the world, claim your dreams and live life as you see fit and leave your soul open for attack in damnation? This is where the question came from when I asked some time ago, are you lead by your soul or by your spirit?
ReplyDeleteI have come to know that doing things as we wish, having fun and reaching goals are good things to do, but for some people, the price is too great for their calling. And to gain the world and lose your soul is a price and opportunity people need to pay attention to versus trying to live a life that is inevitably rejected and voided. Let not your gifts be in vein...remember all works are tried by fire.
mongomery is nice. last time i was down there, there was a dead dog in the ditch behind my hotel that august.
ReplyDeleteevery day it got bloated up a little more.
lol.
small town minds. small town hatred.
he is not doomed to damnation Captain.. after all he hasn't called me yet !
the captain is a donkey and so are the people in hick towns with nothing else to do but read about you and wish they had enough gall to live their lives as free as yours.
ReplyDeletetake it with a grain of salt, keep smiling, keep living and keep serving it to these hoes like Beyonce (lol). Address the haters once...thats it.
Love them but don't live for them!
Darian the whole purpose in life is helping and loving others and u have done that with your blog and your activism, Captain stated that what benefit will it be to you, to gain the world, claim your dreams and live life as you see fit and leave your soul open for attack in damnation? well we all know that Captain is living a morbid life of sadness and insecurities, and that's not how God wants us to live, your living your life in truth, and God wants us to be truthful with who we are, and I commend you becuz at your age I didn't have the confidence that U have and I think U are a beautiful person with so much to give, and that's a blessing, so no matter what small minded so called Christian folk say about U, just know that U are blessed by the most high God, and he loves you and so do I, keep doing what U are doing, U must be doing something right becuz people like Captain keep coming back to your blog, God bless :)
ReplyDeleteWow...look at how deception works.
ReplyDeleteDarian, just be watchful...living that life out loud or "authentic" in whatever manner you wish comes with a price. I've seen both sides and many have failed to pay their bill.
I love the fact that you gave them the MySpace page as well!!! Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteDust the haters off! What you have done with you blog and other writings is, in my opinion, amazing. Let 'em read that!