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6 comments | Sunday, September 28, 2008



"You cannot expect someone to see the good in you that you do not see in yourself".

If this word had been spoken to me during Sunday morning worship then it would have been my cue to shout "Amen"! I didn't receive this word in church or on one of Oprah Winfrey's infamous self-help episodes of her daytime talk show, no this word jumped out at me via a YouTube video by a North Carolina video blogger named Mike. Mike and I have never met, but the unabashed delivery in his video as a confident black gay man who had something important and uplifting to share made me pay attention.

A CEO of a web development firm in Raleigh, NC and a senior pursuing dual-degrees in psychology and interpersonal communications at North Carolina State University.Mike took to YouTube to discuss a late night instant message from a friend who had been recently dumped by his boyfriend and the self-esteem issues that he ensued once the relationship ended in a video titled "Why Are U Single"?


How many of us are single and desire to be in a relationship but really have no clue what it takes to have a successful one? How many of us believe that long -term relationships between black gay men are impossible? Deep down how many of us believe that we as black gay men don't deserve to find happiness in an authentic gay relationship because it's sinful? Maybe some of us just don't have our sh*t together and we're looking for someone else to do the job that was designated for our parents? Or my favorite, how many of us insist on hiding who we are and our relationships from those we care about because of fear?

All of these scenarios are real and collectively become the baggage that many of us bring into our relationships that ultimately lead to their demise. I believe that Mike has learned a thing or two and as I'm going into the second year of my relationship his words really resonated with me.

Hopefully you'll find Mike's video and his thick southern accent just as enlightening and entertaining as I did. Let me know.


6 Comments:

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

IT TOOK A MINUTE TO GET IT BUT I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE WITH ME AS THE GOOD SPECIAL PERSON I KNOW GOD MADE ME TO BE BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN GET BETTER THEN MOVE ON SO I CAN PROCEED TO ENJOY MY LIFE AND GET THE RIGHT MAN WHO IS GONNA LOVE AND APPRECIATE ME.LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE LIVING ACCORDING TO PEOPLE AND THEIR OPINIONS.

September 28, 2008 10:40 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I got it...

September 29, 2008 2:58 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I got it as well. Love it!

September 29, 2008 6:56 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I think sometimes we internalize all of the negative information we hear about being gay, so much so that when we attempt personal relationships and they fail, we assume it is because somehow we are damaged goods unworthy of love. I have spoken the words "there is nobody out there for me" and believed it to be true. I am still working through such a belief system. Recognizing the problem and finding a solution to it are two separate things however.

September 29, 2008 7:22 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Honest. Painful. The Truth.

Must.go.cry.now...and re-group.

September 29, 2008 9:29 PM

 
<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Darian,

This was a nice piece and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I believe that Mike offers a perspective into a situation that many of us discuss or think about. In addition to self-esteem and internalized or societal induced racism, classism, and heterosexism; I believe that how we as black men are conditioned and socialized play a factor into this equation and the elements of heterosexism that play off of the patriarchal system our society embraces. I love empowerment messages....keep up the great work!

September 30, 2008 1:59 AM

 

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