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12 comments | Sunday, November 04, 2007

I finally did it. This past Saturday I found the courage to do something I should have done years ago. I introduced my mother and sister to my boyfriend. To some of you this might not be a big deal, but my family operates on a don’t ask don’t tell policy. They know at my age I've probably had many relationships but they've never asked me about any and I've never volunteered any information, we all silently agreed to leave the elephant in the room. But how long? I decided eleven years was long enough. At some point you get tired of presenting the image that makes everyone else comfortable but the person being forced to present the lie. It's not enough for me to write about living out loud if I don't actually do it.

So with my cousin set to get married this past weekend the stage was set to introduce Trey to my mother and sister who traveled from my hometown to Atlanta for the celebration. I wrestled with the idea of whether to tell them in advance that I would not be attending the wedding solo as I had for so many other family functions. I finally decided against it so upon meeting Trey they would have no choice but to be polite since he was a stranger and we were at a formal event...it worked.

We were both decked out in our Sunday best on a Saturday afternoon and unless the people around us were blind I'm sure they noticed I was glowing! I was with the love of my life and within minutes I would introduce him to my family and make a profound statement simultaneously. We are two people who are in love and committed to each other and because we value our relationship shame and secrecy cannot abide. That doesn't mean my heart wasn't beating the entire time because it was, but this had to be done.

So my mom was up first, we walked over to the chair where she was sitting and I introduced him and the warmest smile came over her face causing my heart rate to slow down a little, but the test would be my sister, the conservative thorn in my side, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I'd already prepared myself for the ugly looks she would give us, (we're both notorious for reading people with our facial expressions) but I was praying that she would remember that she was a southern lady and at least be respectful. I introduced him and she smiled and shook his hand. Whew! All I could do was thank God that didn't get ugly. I have to commend my sister because I know it hasn't been easy for her to understand who I am given the conservative and homophobic environment we grew up in, but she's making progress.

I'll never forget this day because for the first time in my adult life I'm actually in a relationship with a man I think is worth introducing to my family. It's a relationship that we're building to last beyond a New York minute, my 6-month curse, and Danity Kane's career. Two down, one more to go. If Trey were a sports fan he and my dad would instantly bond. Note to self: Set the DVR to ESPN.


<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...


November 05, 2007 1:06 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

What a beautiflul story. I have always believed that a relationship can have much more prosperity if the people that are important to you can share in your happiness. I'm glad you were able to do so. When I took my b/f to meet my mom, it was very nice. She now includes him in things that used to be things shared just by she and I.

I know how you feel and I wish you and yours the best.

November 05, 2007 7:12 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...


November 05, 2007 8:01 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

The best gift a parent can give their LGBT child is acceptance; it's a beautiful thing. It breaks my heart when I hear horror stories about family disowning their gay members.

I've found that being in love is a common catalyst for coming out to family. It's when you feel your strongest. And unless people are in denial, they can see and feel your happiness.

Congratulations on taking that step!

November 05, 2007 9:21 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Way to go Darian!

I can remember when my partner first introduced me to his Jamaican family, man did my heart beat out of control. But like you said, sometimes we just have to do what we have to do to claim our spaces. Thanks for sharing, you brought back a bunch of memories.
Always loving you,


November 05, 2007 10:35 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

@Darian: Now I had to comment on this beautiful story. It's good to hear you took that step for your mom and sister to meet your boyfriend. Your mom sound like she knew what was going on! Mothers know, they ain't crazy!

Now your sister sound like conservative when the subject on who which gender belongs with whom. But I feel attitudes like that come from the environment in Alabama! I've been there twice, and would never live. We[liberals] need to go down there and take over! lol.

Anyway, Congratulations! Wish you the best, and many more!

November 05, 2007 1:01 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I am so happy for you!

I still have never really talked to my mom about my sexuality, in years. The don't ask, don't tell sure applies to my family. When Fuzzy was living in my house, they knew.

When he left me house after the breakup, they knew.
Omar, who lives next to me was talking to my Aunt who lives in the same apartment. She asked Omar, what happen to Shawn Friend.

Shawn Friend who? Omar asked.

You know, Shawn's Boyfriend!
I gagged when he told me that! My mom came by the house, gave me a hug and a video camcorder. Was that her way to help me through this? She didn't say anything. Then I asked her to borrow her car. She was going to ask me if Fuzz would take me, but she paused and said well ok lets work it out.

They knew, lol. hopefully one day I can introduce my love to her the correct way.

November 05, 2007 5:00 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

kudos 2 u darian it takes courage to do something like that and everything went well

November 05, 2007 10:09 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

see? even the captain says YAY!...captain...here's a HUG from me to you....

November 06, 2007 9:06 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

That's great!

Like Shawn said, mother's do know. If they don't they are certainly in denial. I have not had 'that talk' with my mom, but I'm sure she knows. And like Darian, I've always felt that it would be pointless to make the announcement official until I meet someone worth taking home and say, "Mom I'm gay and this is who I'm dating. Deal." And that's pretty much how it's going to go. Well, I'll probably leave the "deal" part out. :)

November 08, 2007 7:06 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

I know the captain didn't give you his jim-crow blessing!!! LMAO!

CONGRATS HONEY!!! Someone has to be the poster child for us!

So I guess the three of us will be getting drinks and dinner this weekend at the new Manhattan loft!!


November 08, 2007 3:51 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

You had better shut the hell up!!! I know I have been MIA for quite some time, but damn! You really did it!

Congrats on living out loud!


December 05, 2007 1:00 AM


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