The past 48 hours of my life have been a whirlwind. I decided yesterday to no longer pretend only a certain segment of the population are interested or have access to my blog. When I started writing a year and a half ago I would tell all of my friends that I wanted to be the next Keith Boykin, little did I know that was next to impossible and came with a steep price. All I knew was that there was something inside of me telling me that I had to stand up and speak out on behalf of a community that has been marginalized, misunderstood, mistreated, and characterized as sub-human and undeserving of the basic rights and priveleges that are afforded to every other citizen.
I'm a fighter. I always have been and I always will be. When most people would crumble in the midst of a storm or sink into depression or suicidal thoughts, I become pro-active and quickly devise a plan to get through it and on with living life. And God knows life has thrown some curve balls my way. But through all the pain I managed to survive and become a stronger person in the process.
So for the past year and a half my life has been on display for the entire world to judge and it was my decision. People I probably would have never given permission to know such intimate details about my life now do. Relatives have been forced to deal with the reality (or not) that a homosexual exists in the family and I'm the exact opposite of what the world says I should be. Promiscious, a threat to children, no reverance for God, lacking self -respect, and a threat to the institution of marriage. Do I regret it? No, because anyone who knows me personally or simply through this blog knows those characteristics don't apply. But beyond that I know for myself that this is not who I am.
But what about the young black boy in Alabama who's growing up in the same climate in which I did who feels different? Will he have the courage to know that despite what he's feeling or what is being said about people like him he is every bit as special as the next person? Will he be able to withstand the societal pressure to fix somethng that isn't broken? Will he be able to reconcile his orientation with his spirituality after being beaten from the pulpit Sunday after Sunday?
At some point the word GAY and everyone associated with it became utterly deplorable. These very same people who society deems unworthy of love and equality are sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, teachers, ministers, and soldiers. Not to forget HUMAN BEINGS.
But I know everyone isn't as strong as I am, so I write. I write for that black boy or girl who has been rejected by his family and his church. I write so he won't become the next suicide victim because he couldn't cope. I write so he doesn't have to cry himself to sleep at night begging God to change who he is. I write because I know what it feels like to be called a nigger and a fag. I write because I know what it feels like to have family hurt you more than any stranger ever could. I write because some brave man who decided to write saved my life. I write because I have no choice.
So here I am...exposed, naked in front of the world. You can judge me but you have to respect me.