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7 comments | Friday, November 17, 2006

He had a stroke. That’s what we had been told, a major stroke that would dramatically alter his life if he was lucky enough to come out of the coma that he was in as a result of his failing health.

The family quickly rushed to his side in his hospital room showing their usual support when a family member falls ill.
So when the phone rang and the person on the other end told my mom my cousin had indeed had a stroke, I just assumed she was re-stating old information, but she wasn’t done.

I heard my mom say, “he has AIDS”. Everything in the world came to a stand still and silence immediately came over everyone in the room. This was the first time that anyone in my immediate family had ever been known to have “it” as some family members refer to HIV/AIDS.

I knew I would have to spend the rest of the evening educating my family on the facts about “it”, the only problem was they refused to talk about it after the announcement was made, or at least not to their gay son. “It” became the topic of conversation for everyone my mother talked to on the phone. “I don’t know what kinda life he was leading”, I overheard her say.

My heart begins to race, my tongue is dry and my head starts to ache. I’m starting to have an anxiety attack. This rarely happens to me but I’ve experienced it before and it’s scary.

Did my mother think he deserved to have this disease? Even worse, did she think that she or anyone else was immune to contracting HIV?

Damn! Speak up Darian! Don’t allow her to continue walking around uninformed, but I can’t speak. My heart is now beating at an aggressive pace and I’m thinking about my cousin who I haven’t seen in years laying in a hospital bed with “it”.
No one is making any plans to drop everything and rush to his side now.

My God is this really happening? He’s our blood. Whatever happened to “a family that prays together stays together”? I guess that only looks good on the front of a family reunion T-shirt.

Don’t they know that could be anyone in our family lying up in that bed? AIDS looks like my grandmother, my uncle, my sister, and me.

I’m disappointed. Disappointed that a person dealing with any disease that doesn’t bare the title HIV/AIDS is deemed worthy of compassion and the person living with AIDS is better off being quarantined.

But more than anything I’m disappointed in myself. My cousin needed me to speak up for him and all I could do was worry about not making the moment any more uncomfortable for my mom.

I’ll be by his side in the morning.



<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

It's never to late Darian. I applaud you for being there for family. I'm sorry to hear about your cousin but I hope everything will work out. You and your family is in my prayers.

November 17, 2006 2:42 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Undeniably, HIV/AIDS is the foundation of the homosexual community. The association is too strong and no way to prove the association is not present. I agree, family should be comforting to one another in the time of illness, but on the morality scale, homosexuality, as a vile lifestyle merits this response, just unforunate.

November 17, 2006 4:39 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Captain I made a choice weeks ago to ignore you and the hateful comments that you leave on my blog, but in this case I have to respond to your last comment.

I truly feel sorry for you. Every time you leave a comment you make it painfully obvious how little you think of yourself. While you're living on planet George Bush, the rest of us will continue to live in the real world.

I thought you Christians were supposed to be compassionate. It's my cousin (who is not a homosexual) lying up in that hospital bed today, but it could be you or someone you care about tomorrow.

Do me a favor and get a fucking life!

November 17, 2006 5:07 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Dearest Darian,

I hope you are doing okay with the news and the stress- I'll be thinking of you and your cousin.


P.S. I'm also saddened by the ignorance that people still have about AIDS.

November 17, 2006 10:25 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

i think the ignorane and insensitive behaviour of many people is alarming the stigma and discrimination needs to end . i wrote piece about this on my blog Andweleboyce please visit

We are not genetically programmed to discriminate

November 18, 2006 9:01 PM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

Darian, I feel for you and your family. HIV/AIDS is a difficult diagnosis to process for the individual affected (infected) and the entire family.

You were in shock and I certainly can't blame you for trying to process your thoughts before "going off" on your family. Family is tricky.

But education goes a long way. So I hope you can pull your mom and others aside and re-educate them on how this whole thing works.

I saw a segment recently that showed how seniors are now contracting the disease in large numbers. Would your family be able to process (or protect against) that? It really is something we ALL need to care about.

November 20, 2006 10:47 AM

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...

This is all so sad, babe. I don't know what else to say.

November 30, 2006 11:52 AM


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